MIL & breastfeeding

[SASASI]

MIL has a problem with me breastfeeding, constant questions & jibs.
I imagine it's because she thinks if I was formula feeding she could spend more time with DS without me (our relationship isn't great).

Ie my c-section scar was ozzing slightly but doc happy not infected, I'm using tea tree oil & gauze etc. Instead of asking how I am or anything it was 'if he gave you anti biotics would that mean you couldn't breastfeed?' I was so cross & told her it was an irrelevant question..

breastfeeding has been v difficult to establish & DS sometimes still fusses & cries on the boob - naturally when she is in. 'Aw poor wee mite is too hungry to be working for food' is the kind of comment I get from her. To which I answer 'he is just a typical lazy boy'.

I've now got a really bad cold & of course I'm limited in what I can take.
No doubt she'll think I'm infecting DS breastfeeding while I'm under the weather.

Please help me think of some ready made answers for her!

"MIL you've had your own kids, leave me to parent mine please"

"We're happy with what we're doing, everything's going well thanks! If you'd like a cuppa feel free to put the kettle on."

If she persists: "Why do you ask?"...." Oh, I see. "....(vague raised eyebrows, change the subject)

Do not engage, do not confront, do not explain.

Well I want to breastfeed so I will carry on as long as I can.
Oh and I checked with the dr/hv and its perfectly ok to feed with a cold.
Just be clear and assertive or completely ignore any ridiculous comments.

I would tell her if she hates you breastfeeding so much maybe she should stay away until you have finished...it might take a year or two. You need to make it clear to her you won't be listening to anymore of her opinions.
What does your dp/DH think about it?

I personally would go with "if your going to continually question or make unnecessary remarks about my parenting skills, in particular my breast feeding, please feel free to fuck off" :).

DH is a total pussy & hasn't even noticed it, he would just tell me I'm being over sensitive & looking for problems - honestly it's such a strained relationship & her presence alone just stresses me out so I'm sure that's why DS fusses because senses I'm on edge. She's a cunt but I know it's very possible I see ill in innocent comments too because I'm so on guard with her.

She was really rude to me about a wk after we came home from hospital & I made DH have a word with her so she winded it in for a while but this is her next vendetta.

I'd love to tell her to fuck off!

'How long are you going to breastfeed for?'
'As long as we both want to'
'He seems to prefer a bottle'
'Yes he got used to expressed milk before his tongue tie was cut, but this way is much better for me & Him. I have no intention of using formula.
'Hmm'

I'd probably just snap "I'm not going to stop breastfeeding because you don't like it, so if you want to visit you need to keep your comments to yourself. "

"My tits, my life"

It's a difficult time for the MIL relationship, isn't it? I'm pretty close to coming to blows with mine

I'd be firm and tell her that you're determined to establish breast feeding, you don't want any more discussion and you'd appreciate her support in making it work.

If there any more bottle related hints, remind her that this is your decision, you've already made it and her input isn't required (put more civilly than that, but you get what I mean). If she attempts to raise it again, change the subject very pointedly or simply don't answer.

Be firm and stand your ground, but be gentle too, because I'm sure she would like to feed the baby. Also, my experience with my own mother is that she gets v defensive when I don't take her advice or do things 'her' way. On some level it undermines her image of herself as having been great mother (which is not what's intended, but there are complex emotions around parenthood, so go figure).

Good luck!

Love my tits, my life

I get this too- fed Dc1 7months (stopped so we could crack on an make Dc2) and now I'm feeding second for aslong as we both want who's approaching the 7m mark, I keep getting told I'l have to be stopping soon as hes getting too old!

To be honest though it just makes me more likely to feed him longer to piss her off agree with others tho- don't engage or feel the need to justify yourself. I find a, 'we'l see how it goes...' can give a answer to most.

Good advice Laurie, nail on head. I'm trying not to let the fact that I don't like her interfere but it's hard! I do plan to breastfeed for a year but he is only 7 weeks so who knows. Her attitude is certainly encouraging me anyway!
Thanks for all the replies folks.

Members of my family made remarks. I said 'my baby, my boobs, my body, my choice'. If they carried on my husband would step in and say how amazing it was that my body could 'build' a baby, deliver it, and produce nutritious food etc etc etc

Can you email bomb her with pro-bfeeding links? WHO, kellymom, NHS etc.

One of my friends did this to her MIL. Everytime the MIL questioned her or made a snippy comment she said (nicely) 'oh I emailed you about that because I know you're so interested in breastfeeding.'

It worked. Her MIL has now either become much more pro breastfeeding or is fed up of La Leche League links.

AndIFeed Your friend is a passive aggressive genius!

It is PA isn't it?! She is very sweet so no one would ever expect her of being a Machiavellian genius.

I am following Gunpowder's route

MIL has been with us for a few days helping with DD1 and general house stuff. I got the same questions at every feed.

When do you start spacing out the feeds? I don't. (Asked this one a lot!)

Why don't you wait until she's really hungry before feeding here (crying)? I cue feed her.

So, I started sending links and documents to her on her iPad. Since she was interested!