Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

How to stop feeding to sleep

35 replies

LavalavalavaLamp · 30/09/2014 18:50

Has anyone come out the other side of feeding to sleep? Did it take effort and techniques or did your dc just start going to sleep without it?
I've been lucky so far in that patience has been an acceptable technique and my dd's night wakings have improved with no effort, really hoping the feed to sleep habit will fall away too.

OP posts:
CaptainSinker · 30/09/2014 18:57

I accidentally replaced it with rocking to sleep. Can I just suggest you don't do that! Stopping feeding to sleep came naturally when I weaned her aged 2 5y.

Original poster
LavalavalavaLamp · 30/09/2014 19:23

Good advice captain. Does she just go to sleep when you put her on bed/her cot now then?

OP posts:
CaptainSinker · 30/09/2014 19:32

Well, she is 3.3 now. I found rocking to sleep really hard to break and only stopped this month Blush Now she goes to sleep cuddled up on our bed, then gets moved to her own bed.

It would have been so much easier to take a night or two of disruption when weaning her!

Original poster
LavalavalavaLamp · 30/09/2014 20:05

Crikey, you must have guns of steel!

OP posts:
CaptainSinker · 30/09/2014 20:06

I do now! We had to stop because DP was developing back problems.

And because it is ridiculous to rock a 3 year old to sleep.

JustAPondering · 30/09/2014 21:53

Try the book 'The No Cry Sleep Solution'. She has a method for breaking the pattern of falling asleep with a nipple in the mouth. Nothing harsh and drastic but it helped us.

Original poster
LavalavalavaLamp · 01/10/2014 13:45

Pondering I read that and do use the pantly pull off method or 'big ppo' it's definitely helped but I still find that dd will only allow me to remove her when she's so drowsy that I think it still counts as feeding to sleep. Who knows! I'm just worried that when she grows out of that I won't have any ammo for getting her to nap. At this point I can't imagine her letting me just put her down tired but time will tell I suppose.

OP posts:
JuanFernandezTitTyrant · 01/10/2014 13:48

I combined the pantley pull off with putting him in his cot and going up and sitting in with him if/when he kicked off. Just as a reassurance we weren't abandoning him. Took 2 weeks (and it was quite tough) but he now doesn't feed to sleep any more and, most importantly, he doesn't need to fall asleep with a boob in his mouth in the middle of the night either. He was 10 months when we tackled it. Now if we could just knock the night wakings on the head, I'd be laughing.

MediumOrchid · 01/10/2014 14:00

Dd basically stopped of her own accord (at ~20 months). I started going out in the evening to something once a fortnight which meant dh had to do bedtimes that night. To start with she would just refuse to sleep and I'd come home (at about 10pm!) to a very tired toddler, then he tried putting her down again and after a few weeks she started going to sleep on her own!

So one night I decided to try for myself, I explained what was going to happen, we had some milk for a few minutes but while she was still awake I put her into her cot and said 'night night, see you in the morning'. Well, she wailed! Clung to me, stood up in her cot, properly crying. So I thought, 'this isn't going to work then' but thought I'd give it a couple of minutes - I crossed the landing, got the baby monitor from our bedroom, got back to the top of the stairs - and the crying stopped. I tiptoed downstairs and watched her on the monitor - she stood up for a couple of minutes, then sat down, then lay down and went to sleep! I couldn't believe it! And after that night she didn't cry when I left her - she asked for her blanket to be put over her, and happily went to sleep.

I too couldn't imagine her going to sleep on her own like this, after 20 months of feeding her to sleep. I really thinking that self settling like this is something that babies learn in their own time. They can be taught to do it earlier, but they will do it on their own when they're ready.

mrsmugoo · 01/10/2014 15:03

I don't think it's possible to "teach" self settling - they can either do it or they can't. You just have to give them the chance to try - make sure they're comfortable, warm, sleepy...and just let them settle.

Personally I think the earlier the better but I know not everyone agrees with this.

Imeg · 01/10/2014 15:35

We did controlled crying at 5.5 months because he was getting too heavy to put down awake. I fed him then put him in the cot and left him for 5 mins then 10 mins then 15 mins etc. We tried various 'gentler' methods first but they really didn't work and this was the right option for us. Now I still feed him just before putting him to bed but he is usually awake when I put him in the cot and then he goes to sleep.

Original poster
LavalavalavaLamp · 02/10/2014 03:35

Ok interesting, medium your post is the response I was hoping for.

OP posts:
Original poster
LavalavalavaLamp · 02/10/2014 03:38

Imeg, when you went in after however many minutes what would you do? Pick him up? Just shush? Touch him? Thanks

OP posts:
Imeg · 02/10/2014 07:40

I didn't pick him up because I found that didn't comfort him, just wound him up more (tried a pick up/put down method which was a disaster....). So I would just give him a pat, turn his white noise back on (Ewan the sheep) and say 'it's bedtime' or similar, then walk out of the room. He would cry harder for a bit as I went out of the room - but by the time we started it I'd spent 3 weeks walking up and down with a screaming 7.5kg baby for a minimum of half an hour every night so this seemed like the lesser evil!

Original poster
LavalavalavaLamp · 02/10/2014 09:02

Thanks Imeg, I don't feel dd is ready or needs that just yet but it's good to have the info.

OP posts:
Imeg · 02/10/2014 16:52

I think it's useful to be prepared - I ended up doing it one night slightly accidentally...

ElephantsNeverForgive · 02/10/2014 16:56

Why do you want to?
I often BF my school age DD2 to sleep, it's a beau rifle thing to do.

TV, subtitles (phone these days) snuggle.

It's no hassle, no effort, a total non issue.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 02/10/2014 16:57

Beautiful

TarkaTheOtter · 02/10/2014 17:01

Did is 9 months has always been fed to sleep. Recently he ha started waking up just as I put him in his cot. He gives a cry, rolls over and goes back to sleep. If he wakes in the evening a cuddle soothes him quickly (I would offer feed if it didn't) but often he sleeps through. It's like he figured out self settling for himself.
Dd is 2.5years and despite not feeding to sleep for years (or at all since 13m old) is still a nightmare at night.

Original poster
LavalavalavaLamp · 02/10/2014 18:59

Elephants it's no so much that I want to stop right now but it won't be practical forever and I wondered if it would take CC or similar to help her settle later down the line. Not expecting anyone to consult a crystal ball or anything just interested in others experiences. Tarka that's encouraging.

OP posts:
ElephantsNeverForgive · 02/10/2014 20:41

Why isn't it practical forever. It's just as quick to feed a 6 year old to sleep as have them get you to read endless Rainbow Fairy stories, and far less tedious!

I really am completely mystified as to why anyone would swap feeding to sleep, sitting comfortably on the sofa, for hush patting for hours or twatting about doing gradual retreat, when they could be having a beautiful snuggle.

I'm far far too lazy, I follow the muddle along school of parenting.

Only fix that which needs to be fixed, don't look for extra work or extra worry.

katandkits · 02/10/2014 20:53

Feed to sleep stopped working for my DS about 12 months. He finished the feed and was still bloody awake! So we had to do the lying down next to the cot holding his hand and shhhing him to sleep. It took a good 40 minutes per night until he was able to self settle without me in the room which was most nights from about 16 months.

AyeWhySWIM · 02/10/2014 20:53

Don't know if this is helpful at all but with ds1 I fed him to sleep until somewhere just past 1yr when, of his own accord, he started just having a feed then cuddling in till he fell asleep. Then I'd pop him in his cot. He stopped bf about 15 mo. At about 2 we got him a bed and lay beside him to have a cuddle whilst he fell asleep. At 3 we sometimes stay for a cuddle and sometimes just say night night and off we go. It's all felt like a natural progression and we've had no strategy.
Ds2 is just hitting toddlerhood but is MUCH keener on the boobies so it could be an entirely different tale Grin

ElephantsNeverForgive · 02/10/2014 20:57

As tarka says Feed to Sleep, stops being feed totally to sleep and becomes sleep, dozzily roll over and then my stupid knee won't carry you up the stairs, you'll have to walk and then go to sleep.

Sometimes it's I'm going swimming Daddy with give you yoghurt, squash and a cuddle. (DD2 hates milk and never drank out a bottle, but could manage without me one day a week from 7months perfectly happily)

Children grow up in their own mysterious and very different ways, the more you can just go with them, guiding, not pushing the easier everyone's lives are.

AyeWhySWIM · 02/10/2014 21:01

I love your post, Elephants. So true and sums up our approach in a much better way than I've ever managed :-)