Trying to stop bf -19 months old

[Elisabetta2214]

I'm trying to stop bf my toddler. She is fully weaned and eats very well, good appetite etc , also likes cows milk which she drinks from a cup or a cup with a free flowing lid. However, I'm very embarrassed to admit that she is still breastfed to sleep every night. It is easy and has never failed to work. I have no idea how to get her to sleep otherwise. She is quite strong willed and gets very upset if I try to pat her to sleep or rock her etc. I can't bear the screaming and am conscious of the neighbours etc. but I am also getting worried about how (whether) it will ever end. I feel trapped by it. I would LOVE to just be able to read her a story and kiss her goodnight! Any suggestions?

Nothing to be embarrassed about! I still sometimes feed my 22 month old to sleep, it's relaxing for him and it works. Was the same with his older brother and he just grew out of feeding to sleep, it was so gradual I can't even remember when or how, just that at some stage I was able to just stick him in the cot after his feed. If you do want to nudge things along a little, the No Cry Sleep Solution has some good tips for creating new sleep associations that aren't "apply boob". Or if you have a DP/DH you could have an occasional "daddy bedtime" where someone else puts her to bed and the boobs aren't in evidence at all, to get her used to the idea that there doesn't always have to be milk for sleep.

Basically I just wanted to second everything leedy said, including the No Cry Sleep Solution.

Two of my favourite bits from that book were (1) it's only a sleep problem if it is a problem for YOU, so there's nothing to be embarrassed about (but also nothing wrong with your wanting to stop at this point) and (2) that sleep techniques will usually require either tears or time - so the more gentle methods will work, but it takes a bit more time and persistence (but on the plus side, your neighbours won't hate you and you and your dd will be happier too).

Fwiw, I still feed my toddler DS to sleep, was planning to stop but then he started sleeping through and this way the whole routine is so easy and calm and snuggly after a day apart!

Thank you both for your reassurance, I'll have a look at the book you suggest, Patience. Leedy - how old was your son when he stopped on his own? I have to admit that I find it relaxing too - time to have a lie down and read MN.

I can totally reassure you I was you 2 weeks ago. I honestly thought there was no way my dd would go to sleep without the breast she has and she's slept through (which never used to happen).
Her dad had to put her bed with me out of the room- he held her and patted her bum. Then kept doing the pick up put down. The first 2 nights there were a lot of tears and it took a couple of hours until she fell asleep in her dad's arms.
I nearly intervened a couple of times thinking she needed the milk but she did drop off without them. By night 3 he could get her to sleep within 30 mins or so and after a week I started putting her to bed.
So surprised that she's not really bothered about milk when she's asked I've said 'we don't do that now baby'.
I was so sad about stopping feeding I was worried we wouldn't be as close in some way but I'm getting more cuddles than even plus dd is sleeping through :)
Good luck op

Dd is 20 months btw

That sounds great, Wishful, maybe I should get DP to do the same

Yes I think it really helps break that pattern up. I think it would have been too confusing if I was there putting dd to sleep but not feeding her and it didn't take her long to forget them I was able to put her to bed within the week.
My oh took a few days off work as we expected a lot of sleepless nights and tears where he would need to go and settle dd back to sleep but actually it was fine.i think some people would say we are making a rod for our backs now by cuddling her and patting her bum to get her to sleep but the way I see it is anyone could do that so if gran or auntie were babysitting it would be easy to get her to sleep whereas before it was only me so I think that's good.
Pm me if you have any questions :)

I think DS1 was around 2, though to be honest it was so gradual/seamless that I can't remember exactly.

Also while DS2 mostly feeds to sleep he will go to sleep for other people if I'm not there - most recently while being babysat by my sister.

I still breastfeed my lo to sleep at 16 months. I work 12.5 hour shifts and she goes to sleep for her dad or gran with cup of milk and them staying by cot holding her hand.

I also find it a nice relaxing end to the day