only 15 weeks pregnant but worrying constantly about this

[yougotafastcar]

I am pregnant with dc2. When ds was born I tried to breastfeed and although he latched really well my milk hadn't come in yet so he wasn't getting much. He was born at 7pm and practically fed all night, which hurt but I could handle it. The next day was so so painful though and I was sobbing while feeding him, having to take him off 5/10 mins after starting. It got to the point where I didn't want to hold him and resented him so on day 3 I gave up. My milk came in on day 5.

Now I really want to try again but I am so worried. How will I cope with a just 3 year old and a cluster feeding baby? DS only started sleeping through at 2 years old. I am terrified I wont be able to do it again and I know its going to hurt. I'm more worried about that then labour but I need to do this for so many reasons.

how did you cope with number 2? How can I make my milk come in quicker and how do I handle the cluster feeding? Do breastfed babies get wind? I am making myself miserable worrying about this.

so sorry you feel this way the only advice I can give is not to pressure yourself over it. The main thing is that your baby is fed and if you are happy your baby and older DC will be too. I'm a FF and found my twins thrived on it and have no regrets. Have you thought about mixed feeding to start with until your milk comes in? I believe very new babies don't really get nipple confusion so it might be worth a try until you both get into the swing of BF? This may not be what you want to hear but it comes from the best of intentions I promise, I wish you the very best of luck and hope you can enjoy your pregnancy xxx

Agree with not to pressure yourself. I failed to feed my DD1 and gave up quite quickly but DD2 is 16 weeks and has never had a bottle, bfing has been a totally different experience this time. So much easier, cluster feeds were dealt with using TV for my 3 year old in the early days, not ideal but we're past that now so I have No guilt. Go easy on yourself!

yougotafastcar, I think it will help to talk about your experience with one of the bf helplines. It might help you make sense of what happened before - from what you say here, it sounds like your baby damaged your nipples, most likely because of the way he was positioned and attached. It was the midwives' job to check this, and they clearly did not do so properly - not your fault at all. Maybe your baby would have been helped with a different way of positioning, and it's also possible he had a tongue tie which can make comfortable position/attachment more difficult.

This time, tell the midwives how sad you were to stop bf last time, and how important it is to you to have a good, pain-free and happy experience this time round.

It is absolutely not a good idea to start off mixed feeding (using formula), sorry, chucklingbunny :( . This delays the milk coming in, and does not help the mother and baby learn about comfortable, effective feeding (nipple confusion is probably over-stated as a risk, IMO, but it just does not make sense to use formula at this stage unless there is a medical reason.

I really hope things go well for you :)

Thank you for replying.
I don't regret FF as such, because I can see what a happy, healthy boy he is.
I do wonder if he had damaged my nipples, I have a lack of sensation in them now and when I used nipple shields he seemed to suck so hard that they field the shield and seemed to become deformed and suctioned on!

My MW has said to join a breastfeeding class at 30 odd weeks which is linked to antenatal classes for first time mums, so unsure at the moment. Very glad to hear it was easier the second time around.

Try to take a reasonable stance about this. I bf both my babies. I thought that with DC1 it went so well because I was so relaxed about it: wasn't going to beat myself up about it if it didn't work nor be bullied by anyone about bottle-feeding if that was the route I took. Anyway DC1 guzzled happily from the off and we smugly continued til 6 months when I weaned him. When DC2 arrived I assumed it would all be exactly the same but it could not have been more different! DC2 was not interested at all. I intended ebf but had an accident when she was 6 weeks and ended up in hospital out for the count for a few days at which time she was passed from Billy to Jack and fed whatever formula they had from whatever bottles they had! When I got back we resumed bfing but with a bottle every evening (sometimes expressed, sometimes formula). I bf sporadically for 1 year that time but it never really got much better - he just wasn't as interested I think.
Don't work yourself up about it! If I had had any idea of what that first year with DC2 would be like I would have been terrified - not because of any of the expected things but because you can't plan or anticipate everything! Try to go with the flow and tell yourself you're doing a great job at coping with two small children whatever happens.
PS BF babies DO get wind and when you're sitting there trying to wind a baby while your dh snores happily throwing a bottle at his head seems like a very enticing option....

Thank you Evil. The throwing a bottle at his head was tempting last time too! I will try to stop worrying and will talk to the midwife closer to the time. I could be worrying for nothing, I know. At least I know its gonna bloody hurt and if I can get through those first few days will it get easier when my milk comes in fully?

I understand if there isn't, but does anyone know of anything I can do to make my milk come in quicker this time? The MW tried to get me to express while in hospital last time but I had to use a small medicine syringe to take the tiny droplets off the end of my nipple!

You might just find your milk comes in faster second time round, I know mine came in a day earlier with DS2.

All I can say is that each baby is different - some are born with this built in feeding and get it right the first time, where as other babies need a bit of 'guidance'.

Two practical tips: make sure that your baby is latched on properly right from the start, with the bottom lip sticking out, not in towards the mouth which some new born tend to do. If the latch is not right, stick your little (clean) finger in the mouth to gently detach the baby and start again. Ask for help.

I know that what I will say is controversial and some MNers will write that I am wrong, but there's nothing wrong with giving a new born a little bit of formula in the early days when waiting for your milk to come in. I did this with DS2 and it was so much easier. I would basically BF him for as long as I felt comfortable with, and then top up with a little bit of formula which I gave him from a little cup (you can use a baby bottle cover for this, sterilised obviously) a bit like is explained here : www.ehow.com/how_2063508_cup-feed-baby.html. THis helps avoid nipple confusion, stopped my DS be constantly on the breast and made sure he was well hydrated and full. When my milk came up he fed no problem, and I never had to give him formula after that.

It's just a suggestion that worked for me, but please don't think that because it hurt the first time around it will hurt again. Take your time to find a position where your DC will be latched on properly, that's the most important thing to avoid pain.

I have 3.1 years between my DS's - I bought ds1 his own baby around 34-35 weeks and we dressed him and named him (baby Norman - ds1 was in his fireman Sam phase)
Baby Norman really helped when ds2 arrived as ds1 "fed" him while I fed.
I also relied a lot on cbeebies & Nick junior.

I am just up feeding my week old dd2 and this time has been infinitely easier to establish.

With dd1 my milk came in on day 5 and it was horrendous. My norks were just bizarrely large and dd1 couldn't latch as the nipple was stretched tight. It took a few days and lactation consultants to sort it out and like you I was scared of the same thing again as it was so stressful.

With dd2 though she fed a million times better from 5 mins after birth. My milk came in on day 4 this time and although still engorged it wasn't as bad and I felt more confident at feeding through it. My midwife did say that milk generally comes in earlier with second babies.

I have also known lots of other mums whose experience second time was loads easier.

Try not to let it cloud your pregnancy and like others have suggested maybe attend done bf groups before your Dc arrives and put a good network in place in advance so that you have help on hand.

Also, dd1 who is just 4 hasn't really registered my bf, she just bumbles on as normal although does pass me a dolly to tandem feed occasionally

Sorry, have only just checked back on this! Thanks for replying. I've been trying not to worry about it but feel like I'm stuck in limbo, not sure whether to but nursing bras or bottles! Although I know its still early, don't need to be buying anything yet

I found it SO much easier the second time around. Baby number one - milk was slow to come in, breastfeeding excruciating for ages, and baby took ages to regain birth weight. All together not a fun time for anyone. Baby no 2 - a bit sore for the first few days, but then we were away. I was mentally preparing myself for the same experience as before, but it hasn't worked out that way. Who knows what you will get this time...