it's only formula...

[icklekid]

So why am I so devastated that after a whole day of crying because my baby screams whenever I put a breast near him that I have given up.

Expressed and gave it to him all day then he fed normally at bed time. He started feeding fine in the night but then screaming and I have no more milk expressed. So I gave up and gave him formula.

For my own mental health if he continues to scream when hungry but refuses to feed I know this is what I need to do. So why can't I stop crying?!

My experience with bf is like foxtrot DD. There really are babies that are very easy to feed and mums who tried shouldn't feel like a failure if they find it so stressful. The breast is best campaign is aimed at the half of the population who wouldn't even try. The other half who wants to bf the NHS needs to provide better support. Including when things go wrong, why it could be hard, tongue ties, emotional support when having ff etc. But we all know it's not there.

foxtrot yes you might have a fight on your hands DD1 was given a bottle from like 4 weeks or earlier and still refused it when a few months old. But then it all worked out fine after 6mo as she's learned how to use a cup quickly. I didn't have to face the wean off bottle problem. We just all get so tense about these feeding and weaning thing but when you look back it's just such a short period of their life.

Well done for getting this far with bf :)

I'm sure breast is best but I've got three healthy happy secure and confident children sitting on my sofa (not obese, not low IQ, nor any of the other things that get spouted about formula fed children) - who were mostly formula fed despite my best efforts to bf all three....

Please please don't worry and waste your baby's early days worrying about it. In a year's time no-one (except you) will even remember how your baby was fed..... And your baby will never know!!

Do seek help. If you are not happy about using formula and would prefer to bf, then check out 'nursing strike' and call a bf helpline. Babies of this age rarely wean from the breast. It's almost certainly a short term glitch.

Big unmumsnetty hugs ickle

I really wan't prepared for how emotional I would feel about breastfeeding so I empathise.

Rationally I know that the formula I am giving to DS is the best thing for him (he'd be half starved otherwise) but it pulls at some very deep emotional strings. When people talk about 'grieving' over it I thought they were exaggerating but I now completely understand.

You're doing the right thing, but it's natural to feel emotional about it. Definitely don't beat yourself up.

Please don't feel bad about it! IMO there's just too much guilt inducing pro-BF propaganda out there, and it really isn't helpful. I'm neither strongly pro-BF nor pro-formula, as others have said just do what works best for you and your baby and sod everyone else. I felt so guilty about DD not being able to latch and feed, and had such a shit time in hospital being made to feel like a failure I ended up pumping for 6 months. If I has my time again would I do it again? Honestly I don't know, I'd probably still feel guilty if I didn't but looking back it wouldn't have mattered a jot if I'd decided to give her formula and not carry on pumping / BF. It makes me so cross that people are made to feel guilty!

If it's any help, and you don't carry on BF, there's a website that helped me when I started mix feeding and then stopped pumping, called Fearless Formula Feeders - was nice to have a non-judgmental site to visit.

Good luck!

The site - www.fearlessformulafeeder.com

In the UK, the minority of babies are exclusively breastfed. Most babies have had formula to some degree by 6 months. You've breastfed for 8 weeks, and it sounds like you may be able to continue combination feeding. That is very similar to a large number of other mothers. It's not something to feel guilty about.

Your baby has had the benefits of breastmilk and will continue to be fed with an appropriate substitute. Again, not anything to feel guilty about.

icklekid I know exactly how you feel. I had to introduce combination feeding due to mastitis which I had TWICE in a space of one month! My ds is only 6 weeks old. He was breastfed exclusively for the first few weeks of his life and I absolutely loved the bond we had. Now he won't take my breast and spits out my nipple each time I try to feed him, he just got used to the bottle so much. I try to express and give him breast milk but often don't have enough time to do it and end up giving him formula. I cry each time I have to do it. The reasonable part of me tells me I am doing the right thing to keep my child happy and healthy but there is a part of me that just can't let go. I just wasn't prepared for it. I feel that if I had been told during the antenatal classes that I may not be able to breastfeed, that it can't be hard and takes a lot of perseverance, I would have coped my better. But the way it was presented to me was - breast is best, it's so natural. So I feel like I have failed, although I know that's not true.
I think it's hard to let it go, but at the end of the day my son's health should be my priority and I remind myself everyday how lucky I am to have him.

good luck, I hope it gets easier.

I've been there! Don't feel you have to give up bf, if you don't want to, ijust because he's had some formula. Dd had formula before she was a day old and I was devastated. I went through all sorts of permutations from exclusively expressing to giving about 50/50 formula and breast, to now (finally!) exclusively breast feeding. I realise now it was all fine and what mattered was she was being fed and loved. I'm pleased I persevered as it was right for me. Seek out help at bf cafés, and remember it's not all or nothing, mixed feeding saved my sanity!