Feeling really sad - need to stop b/fing

[Hattiecat]

My dd2 is 10 months old and is still b/f at bedtime and firswt thing in morning which gives us some close time on our own, but i'm going into hospital on thursday to have gall bladder taken out and can't really see that i can carry on feeding her after due to soreness and not being able to hold her. its not the break that matters and loss of supply, as i was in hospital in the summer for 2 weeks with guillain barre syndrome and managed somehow to carry on then (mostly cos the hospital was really keen for me to stop and i was annoyed with them for that), but i just think it ought to stop (and she keeps biting me - hard), but i keep thinking that i'm sort of letting my baby grow up and i kind of feel like i'm losing her in a way and i suppose as i know i won't have anymore that makes me feel really sad, in fact so sad that i'm sitting crying writing this! how ridiculous is that?

Not ridiculous to cry.....think carefully about whether you really want to stop, Hattie. The biting thing will pass.

thanks tiktok - i think why i feel so bewildered by it is that with dd1 i just knew when to stop and it was about this time, but this time i just can't feel that at all. we've had a hideous year with health difficulties (i had spd when pregnant and was on crutches and housebound for about 16 weeks), then baby came, stopped breating 20 minutes after she was born, then xmas eve she got bronchiolitis and had to go to hospital in ambulance as she had virtually stopped breathing and had gone grey and limp 9how scary was that), then i got diagnsoed with gallstones in january which was fine except had to completely cut out fat from diet which is a pain when trying to feed a family and being rather partial to the odd bacon sarnie or 2, then i collapsed in june and was diagnosed with the guillain barre which was really scary and now going back into hosptial this week. with dd1 had bad pnd (is it ever good?) but this time have loved every single of second of having dd2 despite all the health crap and wierdly enough, all my health difficulties can be traced back to her (bad baby!). don't know maybe am just scared of going back to hosptial and am opening a can of worms with the b/f thing...

Sorry to hear you feel so sad Hattie...you have a lot to think about with your op coming up. I agree with tiktok that if you don't want to stop, you don't need to, but of course it is your choice. It sounds a bit as if you think you ought to stop because....she is getting too old and what will people think? Is that it? There are many benefits if you do want to continue, and many of us on here have fed our babies past a year and beyond, so you are not some extremist freak for wanting to carry on.

There are some links here which may help reassure you if you decide to continue:

How to cope with biting

benefits of extended breastfeeding

I am also very impressed that you managed to continue despite being hospitalised for 2 weeks - what a great thing for you and your dd, well done!

thanks franny - yes, i do think i feel a bit wierd at approaching the 1 year thing and still feeding and yes, i perhaps do feel like a social wierdo (and all because i feel my darling baby is getting closeness from her mummy - huh - why the hell should i feel like a wierdo for that? .
myabe i should just go in with an open mind and see how it goes if i can carry on when i'm out then great, if not, the we've had a ball. also, maybe need to check the affects that a general anaesthetic may have on her...

I have been given conflicting advice with a G/A - midwife said I would need to pump and dump, anaesthetist said it would be fine. I would contact the experts such as La Leche League - so helpful. They can also help you talk the whole thing through, if you feel it would help to speak to an experienced mother who has breastfed her own children.

I would imagine breastfeeding has given you both a great deal of comfort and closeness throughout a difficult year. I would also imagine if it is at all possible to continue feeding her after your hospital stay, it will help your dd with the separation and the fact that mummy is not her usual self as you recover from the operation.

I suspect you'd be fine with the GA as long as you waited a few hours before feeding. (From what I know, pumping and dumping never makes a difference, fwiw.)

Re: not being able to hold her, you can bf lying down. From about a year, DS2 got hooked on bf lying down, and he just lies on top of me ... not an option just after a gall bladder op, maybe, but you could have her beside you, kneeling on bed, and bf, or bf lying on your side, with her beside you, if that works, post-op?

Obviously, you've done amazingly well to continue bfing with all you've been through, and there's nothing wrong with stopping if that's what you want ... but it sounds like it isn't.

the whole separation thing was why i was so adamant to carry on when in hosp the first time - kept being told that nutritionally she didn't need it, but if you saw her little face when she was wheeled in to see me she was so bewildered and confused by the "where's my mummy thing" that she needed the comfort from me and as that was the only thing i could do for her there was no way on this planet she wasn't going to get it. la leche is a good idea - i will see what they say...

HC, women bfeed after general anaesthetic for caesareans - and they're bfeeding tiny newborns. I'm sure that the GA will be fine for her - you won't be feeding her immediately afterwards anyway.

Hattiecat, sounds like you've had a tough time. How awful to be told that your daughter didn't need bf

You know whether it is right for you and your daughter to continue, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. (BTW, my ds is 17mths and he still 'needs' bf.) There are ways to deal with the biting, my ds has gone through phases of biting quite a lot - but now I can't remember the last time he did it. So I would say that will pass. Good luck with your decision

GA will be fine - the active ingredient disappears out of the breastmilk at the same rate it disappears out of the blood. If you are conscious, you are (obviously) not (or at least markedly less) affected by the GA. The anaesthetist should confirm all this for you. My understanding is that pumping and dumping does not hasten this process in any way...and in any case, a big bouncing 10-month-old will cope with whatever tiny traces there are in the milk.

Hattie, won't add anything else, except to say bf has been hugely important to the major challenges you have had this year, and maybe you are worrying about what 'they' will say if you don't stop and you understandably feel like not facing a further challenge of arguing with 'them' that you want to continue bf. It's hard for you - but it's absolutely none of 'their' biz

hattiecat, are you having laparoscopic surgery?

If so, the scars are tiny, and shouldn't prevent you holding her- do you really need to give up?

you're all so lovely - thanks - think needed to get stuff off chest and think that friends and family have also been through mill so much with me this year that think they must be as bored of it all as i am and so don't really want to have to add anything else to it all. x

yes tissy, all being well it will be done lap - that's good that you think will be able to have a cuddle with her - bit spooked by not - even with the gb if someone held my arms i could do it...

Ok, so tiny scars, no need to stop just because you're having an anaesthetic- don't give up

Feel for you Hattie. I'm struggling with bf baby3 and I kept crying - it feels ridiculous but that bond is so important. Baby3 is 4 months and I'm on the brink of giving up -. I fed baby1 lying down when he was first born as I had terrible stitches etc. and found it so good that I've fed the other two like that sometimes - just need a little adjustment to latching on!Even if you do have to stop WELL DONE for feeding so long especially with all the trials you have been through

I think you ought to continue feeding your LO. If you want to give up before she is 1yo, then fine do that after you've recovered from the op. But knowing that you're giving her something that will help her with the temporary separation from you and with your temporary inability to bounce around with her will soothe you so much as well. Feeding lying down is very easy and relaxing, and takes very little muscle effort on your part. I think the good state of mind it will give you will help your recovery. Besides, skin-to-skin contact doesn't just stabilise infants' conditions and help them heal, but also adults' too.

The biting will ease. What do you do when she bites? Two things are very helpful - firstly to clutch her tightly to you, rather than pull her off (that only hurts you more), and secondly to then unlatch her, look her in the eye and say "No" quietly but firmly. Then try continuing the feed, if she bites again, repeat the "No" but don't continue the feed - put her down immediately. Most babies learn quite quickly that if they bite the feed will end, and so they don't bite any more.

pretty candles - thanks for the advice re biting - i have just been putting her down and saying sternly but softly, "that really hurt mummy" but have read today about the hugging her in tight which i will do tonight if she does it. strangely enough she only does it on one side and at night when going to bed. she is teething so i think that has something to do with it.
now i've talked it through there really isnt any reason for me to stop feeding her and i know that when i was in hosptial in the summer it was important for both of us that really it shoudl carry on this time as well.

I had 2 GAs while bf, one when DS was 8mths and one when he was maybe 14 mths
Both times anaesthetist said fine to feed as soon as I wanted to afterwards