Feeding on demand, slow weight gain, judgy friends....argh...

[tertle]

Hi there.

DD is 5 months old exactly and EBF. She weighs 13lb 4. She feeds on demand, usually about 6-8 times during the day and 2-4 at night. She goes to sleep at about 8pm then wakes at about 1am, 4am and 7am (on a good night! It can be every hour after 1am).

I've just spent a few days with two friends with babies who are around the same age as DD. Both boys are formula fed, weigh over 16lbs and are sleeping right through the night from 8.30pm until 8.30am. Cue a lot of judgy comments about how I am raising DD. Both friends think it's weird that I don't feed every four hours on the dot and put this down to DD not sleeping through the night and gaining weight slowly. One friend even told me that having no feeding routine is actually bad for DD and that her 'snacking' means she is never really hungry so will never feed properly.

I was always convinced that I was doing the right thing re: DD and feeding and put down the non sleeping through to being something that will pass when she's ready. But now I'm beginning to feel a bit worried, especially by her weight gain. She weighed 8lbs2 when she was born so she is still a couple of lbs away from doubling her birth weight which admittedly I thought she would have done by now.

I would like some others' perspective on what they do regarding feeding on demand. Does anyone have any tips of how I could help DD gain weight more quickly? I'm not in the UK and everyone I talk to here formula feeds every four hours from 1 month and weans at 4 and so everyone I talk to just suggests I go onto formula or wean. I know there is nothing wrong with ff but I want to continue breastfeeding; it's very important to me.

Thanks.

More reassurance, thanks all. Writer, I think our babies have very similar rhythms!

You're right Whats; I do feel so judged by my friends. The constant raising of eyebrows when I say I won't do controlled crying or that DD will be weaned at 6 months is hard to deal with. I know they all think I'm too soft and that I'm creating a clingy baby. At the same time I know they'd get the same reaction as I get from them if they went around telling everyone in the UK that they had their babies in with them for 1 night and that they leave them crying for 15 minutes at 3 months before going to them.

Anyway, will try to stop worrying about her weight - it seems like that's just the way she is.

There's a great thread in classics called something like "I would be a bad mum if I still lived in Germany." (on phone so can't link, sorry). It has some great stories about how baby-raising advice is completely different from one place to another. In your circumstances I think you might find it encouraging as well as entertaining!

Thanks jess, just had a read through and can totally relate!

Hi tertle, sounds like my DD, also born 8lb 2oz and at last appointment at 19weeks is 12lb11oz. Thanks to her spectacular drop down the centile charts as weight gain was slow (but consistent!) I had some (not all though) health visitors questioning my feeding (bf) but as she was alert and happy with wet and dirty nappies and hadn't actually lost weight I carried on - she is perfectly healthy but slim. You know your own baby.

About night sleeping. Bf babies generally aren't expected to sleep through the night til 6months anyway. Some will before then, some won't. DD bfs on demand, usually once or twice at night - the thing which seemed to help with getting a longer sleep (very occasionally up to a glorious 7 hours!) was a bedtime routine. We do feed, gentle play or chat, bath, feed again but in quiet dim room then into bed. Takes about 1 1/2 - 2 hrs total, hoping to get this a bit quicker as we go on! Also keep night feeds quiet and dark, don't change nappy unless we need to.

Of course some nights, like last night, she is up 4times for feeds. Just when you think you've got it cracked...

Also - if feeding on the demand, the snacking thing is nonsense. For helping weight gain, you could try breast compressions - squeezing as baby feeding, releasing as they swallow - offering the "third breast" which is after offering both breasts you offer the first one again.

I tried the feed by the clock thing, feeding more often to try and aid weight gain. Did not work for us. At all. DD either just had a few sucks or refused the breast if not hungry, or spat the lot out afterwards.

Hi Jazzle, thanks for your post. Your daughter's weight gain sounds exactly like mine!

We do have a bedtime routine; bath, massage, cuddle, feed and bed. Although it's not as long as yours so maybe i could try extending it.

I will try breast compressions and the 'third breast', thank you.

We just start the wind down from the second to last feed, which is why it seems to take so long!

I think you've generally been good advice already. You're doing fine! I know it's hard cross-culture baby raising - MIL finds some of my techniques very strange!

I have a 7mo who was EBF until 6mo, only in until we had established weaning did we get a routine. I am only just about stopping to feed to sleep, he wakes at 11pm and 4am for a BF at night. I have left him for 4 hours max at the age of 6mo, I won't do a night away until 9mo, and he still sleeps in our room (sometimes in our bed) - so what? breastfeeding is the best thing for him.

Have you tried to explain to then what is recommended in the UK? And that WHO recommends 6mo for weaning. But you aren't judging them, so they shouldn't judge you.?

I have 8 month old b/g twins who are ebf on demand.
Boy twin - 5lb 9oz at birth, now about 18lbs. Sleeps 12 hours 2/3 nights a week, other nights he wakes once.
Girl twin - 6lb 3oz at birth, now about 15lb. Wakes at least twice every night, often 3/4 times.
They've both fallen into their own (different) routine over the last month or so.
Both are happy healthy thriving and meeting their milestones.

I thought that might show you that all babies are different, and as long as they are happy and healthy that's all that matters. You do what's right for you and ignore everyone else.

Thanks again all. I'm closing my ears to any unwanted advice - one of husband's friends has just emailed to suggest we switch to formula as as a breastfed baby she will 'never sleep through the night' ...!

Note to self: all babies are different!