Tandem feeding

[WittgensteinsBunny]

Dd is nearly 14 months and I'm 7 weeks pregnant. She is showing NO signs of giving up. She breastfeeds through the day and through the night. She's just on and off in the day for short feeds, has one huge feed at 5/6am and takes a long time to wind down at night. I've tried to just cuddle her to sleep (we co-sleep) and I'm still trying the Jay Gordon night time weaning with mixed results. She went hysterical (20 minutes of red faced screaming) when I refused to feed her to sleep last night. DH ended up taking her for a walk in her pushchair and when she came up to bed (11pm by this point) she woke up and wanted feeding. I'm exhausted; DH is exhausted. Cutting back isn't working for any of us. It's just so much easier (and happier) to feed her on demand. Even tough it's starting to hurt me :(

So, it's looking like (all being well with the pregnancy) I'll be tandem feeding. I can't find a reasonably priced copy of adventures in tandem feeding, which I'd really like to get hold of. I wondered if there are any positive stories from other mnetters or resources you could point me to.

I don't have any stories but I think there's a good tandem feeding group on Facebook.

There's also a great FB group called "Extended Breastfeeding in Ireland" which has lots of ladies who tandem feed and is just full of great advice.

Congratulations by the way! Hoping to TTC Number 2 ourselves so it's great to see stories of fellow BFers getting pg!

Hi bunny. I have one dd who is 16 months and am 6 weeks pg with no 2. I am in a very similar situation with similar thoughts as you. Dd bf frequently at weekends during the day ( I work in the week) and several time at night, we cosleep. If I try to say no all hell breaks loose. So I am still choosing the path of least resistance for now. I don't know how it will go but I got a copy of adventures in tandem breastfeeding directly from the LLL website. Seemed best price as some on amazon were ridiculously expensive. It is absolutely full of information, I haven't read in detail but spent an hour skimming and it looks v useful. Ps if you co sleep you might like their new book Sweet Sleep.

I don't really know what I want to do. I think tandem feeding looks v tiring but I can see it would also have some benefits. I'm also thinking dd may self wean during pg as the milk changes over.

So I'm sorry I can't help from experience but I can empathise!

Oh also I suddenly got really sore nipples like on fire just after I found out I was pg. so about 5 weeks. I had to go back on lansinoh for a few days, then it got better!

Thanks ladies.

Congrats Cate And nice to know we're not alone!

I'll check the lll website for the books. Great tip! I'm thinking of taking dd along to a local lll meeting in September assuming my scan goes well. I haven't been to one before but I thought it might help to talk to others or just a councillor who might be a lifeline next year. I don't have many bfing friends now and certainly not pregnant ones!

Dd hasn't stopped demanding today and I'm so wiped out I just obliged. Thankfully we had a much earlier bedtime tonight, so we're tucked up in bed together now.

I did it! looks like I'll be doing it again too. DS was 21 months when DD came along and I tandem fed for just over a year. I night weaned using the Jay Gordon method when he was 17 months and it was pretty easy because I feel he was ready. tried when DD was the same age and it did not go well

so I amended it slightly and decided to continue feeding on demand at night but limit her to one side and then settling back to sleep another way until the first morning feed (about 6am) - by being gently persuasive she has cut down herself to now just having a feed around 5 or 6. I've also managed to get her into a cot by our bed (I wasn't sleeping properly with her there, didn't want 2 babies in the bed and she was wanting to feed pretty much constantly while there)

I would say it might be worth trying to get your DD to fall asleep after a feed rather than during. Both my two wanted feeding at every night waking when feeding to sleep. It takes time but to be honest she is still very young and you're very newly pregnant, don't let concern about 'when the baby comes' prevent you from listening to her needs and going gently. having done it twice; once easily and once not so easily but then tried again a couple of months down the line I can confidently say it can be done.

as for tandem feeding my experience was that I suffered nursing aversion through my 2nd pregnancy which lasted about a month after. not pleasant but worth knowing about. my 1st DC upped his feeds when my milk came in and went at it like a new born with enormous tantrums if told no and got quite fat! but this only lasted a month or two before he went back down to a couple of feeds a day. When the two of them fed at the same time they used to hold hands, it was the cutest thing and I think has really helped with their bond

there will be a little over 2 years between DC2 and 3 and if DD is happy to continue I really hope to tandem feed again. It really was such a lovely experience

so if you're going to do it arm yourself with lots of patience and an open mind, and take lots of pictures, you'll be glad you did and have a sense of pride in your achievement. its quite possible that your DD will give up of her own accord during your pregnancy so prepare yourself for that too. and whatever anyone tells you remember you can do it, you certainly won't have any worry about supply and your new baby will be getting 'follow on' milk right from birth!

The LLL website is good for advice and experiences but whatever you decide or happens all the best

nicecup thank you SO much for taking the time to post such a thoughtful and comprehensive post. That has made me feel so much better. X

Hello. I am currently tandem feeding my 2.6 year old and her 3 week old little brother. It's very tiring, especially as DD has mostly given up on solids and is breastfeeding like a newborn, and I have moments of wanting to scream "omg get off me, I can't take it anymore!" But it does seem to helping them bond - when they're feeding together she holds his hand and they gaze at each other, and she shows no signs of resentment at him getting to sleep with mummy and feed all night; in fact this morning we were awoken by her shouted demands to come see her mummy and her little brother.

We had night weaned her at about 14 months though, which I would recommend - can't imagine I'd cope with having to wake up to feed both of them.

You're very welcome bunny - when I was going through it I knew nobody in the same position but in the end so many people insinuated I couldn't do it I grew very determined and I'm so glad I've had the experience

Ruth she WILL calm down again honestly! its just that your milk is so amazing and delicious right now and she's probably regressing a bit because you have a new baby (I've read DC regress half their age) so it feels completely natural to her to breastfeed right now. try and stay patient with her and let her be like a baby if that's what she wants. she will go back to her previous 'schedule' in a few weeks/months, honestly! I got a bit fed up with DS demanding milk constantly in the early days and I regret that now, it's a wonderful way for your DC to bond and for DC1/the elder one to feel that they still have a place in the family and with DM.

I'm getting all nostalgic now, I really hope DD is still feeding when DC3 arrives; it would be lovely to experience it all again

Hi there,
I am tandem feeding (DDs are 1 and 3) and continued to feed while pregnant. My experience was a little different to some of the previous posters. I had hyperemesis and my milk seemed to dry up quickly (although DD1 would still 'feed'). My DH insisted that we night wean so that I could get some sleep, which was a good idea in hindsight. We cosleep so he weaned her by taking her in with him and it only took a few days - he offered her water and cuddles.

I found some real advantages to tandem feeding once DD2 arrived. DD1 was 20 months old. I didn't get engorged (DD1 enjoyed the colostrum!) and don't experience any leftdown pain at all (got it quite badly with DD1). I always fed DD2 first and only occasionally feed both at the same time (desperation sometimes to get them to have a nap at the same time!).

I had no problems with supply (I think tandem feeding helped as I suffered from oversupply in one breast when feeding DD1 only). Many healthcare professionals commented negatively about still feeding DD1. The midwife was especially concerned that DD1 would 'get all DD2's milk'. Fortunately it doesn't work like that but ignorance about feeding, and especially tandem feeding is the norm.
We're still tandem feeding although DD1 only feeds every other day or less. I can think of no negatives.
I also got my copy of the tandem feeding book directly from LL. I would recommend it. I enjoyed learning about the different phases of breastfeeding and how the milk changes.

I hope all progresses well with your pregnancy x

Thanks Nicecupoftea, I am trying very hard to be patient with DD as I know it's just a phase.

Fivepies, I've had HCPs speculating that DD will take all the milk, which puzzles me as I thought the more you use the more you make? I certainly seem to be struggling with oversupply rather than under - even with both of them feeding frequently I still have enough to express so that DH can give the occasional bottle to give me a break.

TheBookofRuth, yes yes to oversupply rather than under. Recently DD1 was poorly so fed more than usual. I had excess milk for a few days after she was better!
It's strange that HCPs don't understand supply and demand. I know that some people have issues with supply but I doubt that tandem feeding itself causes supply problems IYKWIM?
My DD1 behaved like your DD but it calmed down pretty quickly. It definitely helped them bond. We've experienced little difficulty with jealousy - I struggle to think of any instances. They have never fought over the boob (DD1 says one is for her, the other for DD2. One is strawberry the other chocolate apparently). I hope it calms down for you soon and you can get on with enjoying feeding. I found the 'arrggh stop touching me ' moments get a lot less frequent but do return when they are poorly. I've started to get fed up with DD1 clawing me, it's driving me mad and I keep threatening to wean her completely (but never do!).

This has made me feel much less stressed. Thank you all loads for your experiences and words of wisdom. I really felt the pressure was on to wean her, get her to self soothe and into her cot.

We had a lovely relaxed bedtime last night (teeth, DH walked her round the block and I fed when she woke, which wasn't very much). She's got 3 molars cutting through at the moment, so I think I'm going to wait for those to fully erupt before trying to night wean again. The previous two nights were so awful with the crying and upset. She clearly isn't ready and I don't feel I can "harden my heart" right now.

I'm starting to get big wafts of nausea this morning and just lying in bed with dd after our bath and shower and letting her get on with feeding whilst I had a rest was very relaxing. She was delighted! Not worrying about it and just letting her do what she wants is such much easier for all of us!

I love all the stories of siblings holding hands and gazing at each other - babies are just so beautiful!

So glad to hear you are feeling less stressed. Go with the flow, whatever suits your family best.
I did read that breastfeeding can help with nausea (not just the resting but a hormonal reaction). My sickess was extreme but I do vaguey remember feeding helping a bit.
DD1 sometimes tries to breastfeed DD2 (and her teddies)! Super cute.

Hi, I tandem fed for two and a half years- was a lovely experience.

Hi, we are in a similar position to the OP. My DS (2yrs 9month) has continued to breast feed all through pregnancy and now I have DD (2 weeks) he has wanted to breast feed much more and has almost stopped eating solid food completely. I’m glad to hear others have experienced this and that it was just a phase. Definitely reassured and relaxed about going with the flow with them both after reading people’s posts. Thanks 😊👍