Some great posts on here - no one is judging you (or no one whose opinion matters!). It is normal to feel sad and let down when bf does not work out the way you wnated.
Years ago, I wrote a post about the 'breastfeeding bus' and the ticket you buy to get on it. I'm editing it here to fit your situation:
"At sometime in pregnancy or shortly after the birth, you bought the breastfeeding ticket for the breastfeeding bus. Maybe this was because of stuff you had read, people you had met, whatever......
"Now, it didn't go how you wanted it to go. But you still have that ticket in your pocket. It reminds you of how you thought of yourself, and how you would still like to think of yourself, in a way that touches you deeply.
So could it be that what we have here is regret and sadness? And it makes you mad when people say things that are a little bit silly but not cruel, and it makes you even see hostility.
You're still hanging on to that breastfeeding ticket and that's great. It's how you see yourself, but with a bottle in your hand you know that's not how the world will see you. So you feel embarrassed, and awkward, and under pressure."
Basically, what I am saying is that breastfeeding feels part of your identity.
It won't always feel that way - and anyway, you have breastfed, and a lot longer than most people.
You will in time feel good about the breastfeeding you have shared with your baby - and so you should!