Help please oh longer term breastfeeders!

[AndIFeedEmGunpowder]

DD (22 months) is relentless in her pursuit of feeding and I have had ENOUGH!

I thought feeding post 18 months would be a peaceful cuddle before bed or in the morning, not constant demands for NA NA NA and having my boobs pulled out in public by a milk crazed toddler.

Please tell me this will get better soon? Or any tips on how to cut her down? I love feeding but I feel touched out.

Forgot to say 'Don't offer, don't refuse' does not work. I have not offered DD milk since she was 1. If I didn't refuse I think I would never leave the sofa, ever!

Is she teething by any chance? The molars are the last to erupt and they are the worst. They are the most painful because they grind up through the gum instead of poking. The subsequent dribble means their tummies are a bit unsettled and bm I think helps with both the pain and that feeling.

This is what happened to me with DD1. Once all the molars were through she tailed off.

Oh! I didn't think of that!

Maybe she is, she doesn't have her usual appetite, but I put that down to the vast quantities of BM she is imbibing.

Thanks Terraria

And fingers crossed once molars are through DD trails off too...

I found it was still demanding at times during teething. Now 2 and 9m and much more as you describe imagining - morning and evening. And the odd feed when she is wobbly or hurting. Probably been this way for a couple of months? I found once lo got to 2ish I felt better about saying no and she was better at understanding / accepting. Sort of!

I am still feeding 3 yo dd1 but only because I started setting limits at about age 2.

You are allowed to say "not now, later", or"mummy doesn't want to right now" - she's old enough to cope.

Breast feeding is a two way relationship - you both have to want to for it to work

Oh that's good to hear Jeggie

I suppose I feel like we are in an awkward in between stage where she can ask/pull my top up, but doesn't like it when I say no!

Thanks DoYouThink.

DD had a tongue tie and put on weight slowly at the beginning, so maybe subconsciously I still feel like I have to feed her on demand. It's silly.

Yes, DoYou has it, you can say 'Not now'. I do this with DD2 when I don't want to feed her and DS1 at the same time.

She may have more of an appetite for bm atm as it feels like it will stay down.

I had the same problem with DD. At 2yo she was still feeding all the time so I had to start saying no. First I stopped the constant short feeds and had set times for bf. Then I told her bf was just for bedtime so that limited the feeds to going to sleep, all night long and waking up. Then I used a variation of the J Gordon method to stop the night feeds so in the end she fed to go to bed, wake up and before her afternoon nap. During all this I made sure I had drink and food option in hand so I could offer them as alternatives. For quite a long time she continued eating solids every 2 hours so she was clearly hungry for small amounts of food very regularly.

I think stopping the constant short feeds is a good move Boo. we night weaned two or three months ago so she doesn't have milk overnight, just all day!

Not now leads to done huge tantrums, but I suppose that's good for her

Thank you all very much for your advice. Am feeling a bit calmer now.

Well done on the night weaning! I found that to be quite tough but kept at it because by that stage I had never slept more than 5 hours in one go (and that was one good nights!) and couldn't take it anymore! The tantrums are a difficult stage but remember this too shall pass and it's the age for it, so if bf doesn't set her off something else will!

Thanks for encouragement boo! have only fed her about 5 times today. Believe it or not, that's an improvement!

YY need to deal with tantrums in general.

Tired

Could you try only feeding in a really boring place? Like in your room? Might take some of the shine off it if she has to leave whatever exciting thing is near by.

That's a good idea too Button thank you! At the moment I think she associates feeding with watching Peppa Pig on the sofa which is prob not helpful.

Oh it's tough! DS demanded milk several times today out at the park and I managed to put him off until we got home. But he was very mournful about it all!

If I'd been wearing layers I may have let him, but there was no way it was possible today. It's the heat as well I think.

By 22 months I think DS was more distractible. It's old enough to teach nursing manners. Practice at home - give her a phrase to ask with like "Milk please" or whatever your phrase for it is. Na na is okay. When she tries to pull your boobs out, say no, remove her hand and tell her "say milk please". At first every inappropriate request - launching herself at them, hand up/down top, screeching etc just remind her of the phrase to use and then let her have milk when she's said the phrase. After a while don't respond to any inappropriate requests but only the phrase you've said, and sometimes you can say no. (But at first, always respond to the set phrase so she understands that's the way to get milk if she wants it, not pulling at you)

This is quite useful - also later on, if you're feeling touched out or she's messing around with feeds you can put a time limit on and count down from 5 or 3 when you want her to come off.

at Munxx's DS being mournful at being refused! I think mournful is better than rageful, but probably pulls at the heart strings more.

Thanks for advice Bertie, when I say no at night she says 'Na na, PEEEESSS!' But my heart is hardened HA!
I will try your plan during the day to try and stop screeching and scrabbling. Fingers crossed.

Thank you all so much for your advice. All my friends/DM think I'm a bit of a lentil weaver for feeding over a year so can't talk to them about it.