Weekend away from breastfed 4 month old

[iamamama]

Hello

I'm meant to be going on my best friends hen-do in August and my baby will be four months. He is 9 weeks and the moment and I am exclusively breastfeeding with the exception of my husband giving him a bottle of formula at 11pm.

The hen do is from Friday to sunday and three hours away. I am finding it impossible to guess, firstly how I will feel being away from my baby for so long and secondly, how we will cope with the feeding.
I am guessing I will need to pump throughout the weekend but am very concerned about causing problems with my supply. Also, will my baby reject my boob when I get back? I guess I am lucky that he does take a bottle but I really don't want to jeopardize the breastfeeding.

It all terrifies me! She is my best friend and I really want to go so I don't let her down.

Any advice/experience would be very appreciated. Apologies if it has been covered before.

Thanks

Would your friend be ok if you only went for one night, not the full weekend? A long weekend is a pretty long time to be away from such a small baby, especially if you have to spend large amounts of it pumping. If it's something you really want to do, I'm sure you can work something out, but if you're doing it so as to not "let her down" and would be happier not going, I'm sure she'd understand that it's not as easy as just "head off for the weekend and leave dad a few bottles".

There is, personally, no way in hell I'd have been up for a weekend away when either DC was that young. I think I just about managed going out for the evening.

How do you feel about going? Do you want to go? Will you enjoy it? I agree with the pp- if you are considering going just so you don't want to let your friend down then I would be having some serious thoughts about the whole weekend.

Your baby is very young, - personally wild horses couldn't make me go away for the weekend with such a young breastfed baby- but that's just me.

Have a think about what you really want to do.

Absolutely do not go to the whole weekend unless you really want to, and don't go only if you feel you should. You will need to pump frequently and you will get quite uncomfortable. I wouldn't have considered going awt for three nights at that age. I would recommend identifying which is the 'big' night and just going to that one.

I was back to work at 6 months, so I'm not a 'you can never leave the baby' person, but I honestly don't see how you're going to manage that amount of time while still feeding, sorry. It's just too long - you'll hurt and I think you'll feel anxious about the baby - bf as you know isn't just about feeding, it's about comfort too.

Also hen-dos are supposed to be fun, you know? You shouldn't be doing stuff that terrifies you

I second pp's - if you want to go, go but not for the full event. I really don't think you'll enjoy it if you are stressed/sore/pumping constantly.

Go for the Saturday and come home Sunday morning?

I couldn't have left DC1 at that age, but probably could leave DC2 (emotionally) - however it terms of feeding, my 4 month old probably averages 8 feeds in 24 hours so that's a lot of expressing while you're away.

Would you want to leave expressed milk for the baby while you're away? for 3 days you're probably looking at 75oz-90oz so depending on how easy you find it to express you might need to start building a stash asap.

sorry but I couldn't do it. At 4 months they tend to have another growth spurth so will have a bit of an extra feedto boost supply again. You'd have to express every 3hours or so to both keep your supply up and to stop yourself getting engorged or mastitis.

Finding somewhere you can comfortably express where you have been doing whatever activities are planned is I would imagine unlikely. Plus in the evening / night too.

The only way I can think to do the weekend would be for DH and baby to come too in another room and you be able to go and feed when needed. Or baby be brought to you when necessary.

I couldn't manage to leave mine for a day at a similar age - I just didn't want to be apart from them. Or as pp said- maybe try just going for one day with expressing as well

Can't you just bring the baby? My bridesmaid brought her 3 month old on my hen do recently. The only part of the weekend the baby couldn't come to was the spa. They just went back to our apartment then and napped. Babies that little aren't very intrusive, she spent a lot of time sleeping and everyone enjoyed the cuddles!

A baby at a hen do? Isn't there usually a lot of drunken behaviour at a hen do?

I was away for a shorter length of time when DD was 6 months old. I was away from Saturday morning through to Sunday afternoon, but for various reasons couldn't feed her again until Monday morning. It did hit my supply hard, even though I pumped whilst away from her. We managed to get it back on track by the Wednesday by using a hospital-grade pump and pumping religiously every 2 hours for 48 hours and taking so much fenugreek I smelled like an Indian restaurant. Luckily we had also got lots of supplies of frozen milk so that I didn't need to use formula. It was hardwork but worth it, and I was terrified I had ruined my supply.

DD had frequent bottles of breastmilk so we didn't have any issues about her refusing the breast when I returned.

Could your DH get a room locally too, and look after childcare, just bringing baby to be fed when necessary? It might help you enjoy the weekend more. DH did this when I had to work unsociable hours, he just brought her into the workplace every 4 hours for a feed.

I went on a hen weekend when my DS2 was 5 months old and I hated every minute of it. I would never do it again. Feeding aside, being seperated for that long was tough and emotionally draining.

Consider all the options. Only go for 1 day/ 1 night and leave baby at home with husband. Or go for the whole weekend and either bring baby with you or get husband to stay at same hotel so you can feed and join in all activities. Or just don't go at all, a true friend would understand.

How would you feel if you came home and baby wouldn't latch on? That might be the deal breaker for you.

Thank you all so much for the replies. So helpful. I would indeed be distraught if he wouldn't latch on when I returned.
I guess I was just hoping that people would say things are different at four months along as I really hate letting people down. I'm definitely one to put others before my own needs way too much however it's different now I have a baby to think of. It's just tricky as I'm the first in the group of friends to have a baby so nobody really understands and think I'm being overly clingy and lame!
I'm going to have to give it some serious thought as to what I do and hope that they'll understand one day. We are thinking of having my husband stay near by so I can go there to feed whilst not intruding on the girly fun.

Thanks again guys!

Welcome to motherhood!! I was the first of my bunch to have a baby too, and I had exactly the same feelings. All my friends wondered when I would "get back to normal" and come clubbing. They even bought me a pump. I did feel lame to start with, but find your tiger.
Yes you don't like letting people down- but this also includes your baby.

Those of us who are already mothers would totally understand that you find a hen weekend tricky while you are breastfeeding a 4 month old baby.

And yes they will understand themselves one day. But possibly not until they have a baby of their own.

I looked after my sister's baby when she did this at four months old, and he was fine, but I have to say he didn't latch on properly by the time she came back. For the third baby her husband planned a weekend away, and she decided when the crunch came to bring him after all (it was an Opera Weekend and just fitted him with various relatives minding him on the same weekend away somehow. It worked MUCH better having him near.

Thanks ladies. Definitely sounds like its best to have them close by.
Hopefully they will understand!
All your replies are much appreciated xx

I would stay home with baby, your friend will understand and u can go something special with her closer to home

I went on a hen do when my lo was 3 months old and had a brilliant time! DH was instructed to send me lots of pics of the fun they were having and I of course missed them, but was surprised at how easy it was to switch off and enjoy the hen do.

I wasn't breastfeeding, so can't help with that bit I'm afraid.

Hi OP.

I know you've had lots of replies but I will give you my two pennies worth

I found myself in a very similar situation to you twice; DD was EBF until 10 weeks when DH would do bed time formula.

I left her over night on two seperate occasions - one at 15 weeks - this was a hen do that was two nights long, I just politely informed the bride I could only do one night as far more manageable all round. Left DH with expressed milk (obviously lots of planning and storing!) with the proviso if the worst happened and it ran out DD could have an extra formula feed.

Second time was over night at 19 weeks this time for a works function, followed the same plan and all fine.

Both times I bought both my manual and electric pump with me, pumped as regularly as poss and stored in hotel room fridge, took home in cool bag. Any "boozy" milk discarded.

On my return home DD latched back on fine.

So yes, it is possible, especially given that your DS has already taken a bottle, but as other posters have said I would defo opt for only the one night away.

Also there are no guarantees he will latch back on ok, but it is possible. I guess I always had quite a flexible approach and was over the moon to have been able to breastfeed at all. Also DD was used to having odd bottles of EBM here and there as sometimes I just wanted the break!!

Hope this helps and good luck

I have declined going to my friend's Hen celebrations when my BF baby will be just over 4 months. The Hen Do is a 3 day trip away to Scotland and feeding issues aside there is just no way I could be away from my DS for that long, God I'd miss him!!

I miss him after about 3 hours of being away from him

Honestly no I wouldn't go. I recently was separated from my 5 month old daughter as I was admitted to hospital. I went in on the Friday at 1pm and didn't feed her again until the Sunday at 1pm. I used a hospital grade pump and pumped every 3 hours. My supply plummeted, and I had 3 days of screaming hell trying to get my daughter to feed properly. She would latch but then get frustrated and angry as it wasn't coming fast enough like the bottle. Took us a good week to get back to happy nursing. Honestly not worth the risk.