Help desperately needed

[tgrayson]

Sorry long story please bear with me.

Ds is 13 months old, been ebf since birth. He has always been a bad sleeper in that he wakes 4-5 times a night.

We have tried a number of techniques to help his sleep and habit of waking frequently. Since jan I have been trying to gradually drop his night feeds to just before bed and morning to no effect. I have managed to stop all day feeds.

He has never been feed to sleep so nap times were never a problem. He has a feed then story and bed at 7pm, then from 11pm (occasionally on a good night 1pm) he will wake 2-3 hrly. Sometimes for a feed others just a cuddle.

On the odd occasion he has had a good run of waking once or twice he has then had a cold or teeth coming through, and has gone straight back to 2-3hrly.

As of wed, (husband and I have 5days off together) we are going to stop breastfeeding. I feel that he is ready as sometimes he refuses his bedtime feed and over night it's only for 5mins. Ideally I would still like to do bed time. But I have tried too do this, to no effect.

So I'm asking for all techniques and personal experiences to help us through this process.

I need to be able to start sleeping, I'm. Hoping this is the answer. I have repeatedly been told by friends and family that breast feeding is the reason why he doesn't sleep. I don't totally agree with this but do agree that his waking is due to habit of waking for a feed. I feel this would be the same for him if he was af.

Please help I you can.

I would reduce the time of each night feed by 1 minute every other night until they are 2 mins

If your baby wakes, pat them and use a phrase like it's sleepy time

You can do this

I night weaned. Using the above

Would it be worth night weaning first to see if that helps? Though to be honest I night weaned DC1 at 9 months and totally weaned at 13 months and he still woke 2-3 times a night for a cuddle or something until he was two and a half.

Do you actually want to cease BFing all together, or do you want to wean at night?
I found this approach to night weaning gentle and effective (and can work whether or not you co-sleep):
drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

Hi OP I'm by no means an expert but I was in your exact situation when ds was 13 months old. It's absolute torture and I completely sympathise!

For us giving up BF completely was the only thing that worked. DH gave ds a cup of milk instead of me bfing him to sleep. We also did controlled crying at the same time because ds fed to sleep, that in its self was an issue and He seemed less upset in his cot than been cuddled but not fed if that makes sense.

It was really hard for this first few nights but I was amazed how quickly ds fell into a routine and within a fortnight he was going straight down and sleeping through most nights! Something he had never done.

Good luck! I know it's scary but it won't be as bad as you think and you will all feel better once you're getting a full nights sleep! [Grin]

Sorry, another question - when you say you've dropped day feeds, have you replaced these with milk from a bottle/cup or just cut back all together because he's eating and drinking other things?
Might his increased wish for night feeds be something to do with reverse cycling? kellymom.com/bf/normal/reverse-cycling/
Just a thought.

Its a tricky one. My dd is nearly 4 now, and was/is a frequent waker, I think its just the way some children are.

If you are going cold turkey on night feeds I suggest:

1. Agreeing rules with DH (eg no drinks between 7pm-6am or whatever times suit you)
2. Plan a script and stick to it, no negotiating/chat. eg 'its nighttime now, back to sleep). Combine this with your method of choice (controlled crying? gradual withdrawal? co-sleeping? we tried them all...)
3. Shifts with DH (one of you 9pm-2am, the other 2am - 7am) and earplugs for sleeping parent.

It will be rough as 13 months is old enough to push your buttons with cries of mama... But to be honest our daughter was better for it as after the first few rough nights she slept much better and was happier in the morning. We had a good year of sleep between age 1-2 then potty training started... Good luck.

Thank you all.

He is now eating a good three meals a day plus snack. So doesn't have milk unless, he hasn't eaten much or I'm at work as he will only ever take amount 50-100mls.

Initially I wanted to keep a bedtime feed. But know as sad as I am I do need to stop, for both of us.

I was thinking cold turkey like milkjet suggested. But now thinking I might try rubyslippers approach.

When he doesn't go down for a nap or at night we do use a cry it out method, rubbing his back and gradual withdrawal just seemed to make him worse.

So maybe cold turkey is better????

Puddock don't think he is reserve cycling as I slowly withdrew the day feeds one by one over a three month period, this had no effect on his waking or feeding habits over night.

But thank you for the link, I hadn't heard of that before x

With both of mine they only slept through once I swapped evening bf for formula. DD1 was 10m and waking once a night, dd2 was 14m and waking multiple times.

Don't know what they put in that stuff but after a 7-8 oz bottle the were knocked out for the night. Took about 3 evenings.

I weaned them off the evening bottles at 2 (I stopped all other milk feeds when I stopped bf so they only had that one bottle a day).

Tired giving him formula to help him through the night, he will not take it. At the most he took 2oz, tired good night milk, follow on milk, cows milk and expressed breast milk.

But reassuring to know I'm not the only one and it can help. I do have visions of no sleep until his 10 lol

I just can't take this anymore. I'm irritable I'm tired and that's not what I want. That's not the mum I want to be

????????????

I just feel like such a failure that I can't help my baby to sleep for any more than 3hrs x

I hope you feel better this morning and you got at least some rest.

Not sleeping through the night well into the second year of life is really normal for babies/toddlers, it is not any sort of failure in you, it's not necessarily anything to do with feeding, and it will pass.

However, I realise that's not of much practical help right now when you're so exhausted. Here's one idea: is there any way your DH could be the one who goes to your DS the first time he wakes in the night (obv he can't BF him but he can give a cup of water or a cuddle or whatever works for him), so that you got a longer stretch of sleep before the next wakening?

hope last night was ok for you. one other thing I forgot to say, we have always found that bad sleep precedes a new development, so maybe you are on the brink of having a walker?

Do feel better today, but still had a rubbish night.

Husband is a driver and leaves for work at 5am so can't really help in the night, plus he never hears him.

Will keep going and let you know how it's going