Was anyone's dh totally unsupportive of breastfeeding?

[lunavix]

I have other queries on the go but know a lot of people might not look at them...

Ds was mostly formula fed for various reasons not entirely by choice at the time, and dh loved feeding him, and it was definately convenient and helped him settle quickly into a routine.

This time round I've been bfing on demand, with dh giving a bottle at around 10.30/11pm. I've been trying to express, with dh topping it up with formula if it's not been enough. Dd (2 weeks) will take anything between 2 and 6 oz, then sleep to 6/7am.

Tiktoks given me some good advice (mainly removing the bottle until milk supply is established) but dh is NOT happy. He's said he will not let me stop him giving her the one bottle he's allowed to do, and at the end of the day he wants her in a routine and sleeping through more than he wants her breastfed (I've pointed out that I'd be doing all the feeding during the night but he said it will be totally disruptive.)

I know he's being jealous, and I know breastfeeding is in her best interests, but I really need his support on this. Has anyone else had an unsupportive dh/dp they've managed to 'bring round'?

lunavix - this bottle that he is "allowed" to give. Does he do everything - go to the shop for any formula, wash out the bottles and teats and breast pump etc. Or do you have to do all that on top of breastfeeding?

tiktok - love that vid!

Bloody hell,sounds like an absolute arse.
I would fall totally out of love with a man wh put his own selfish feelings before a tiny baby's.

So you have the kind of relationship where he can say "no" to any idea that he can bond with your DD any way other than by bottlefeeding her, but not the kind of relationship where you can say "no" to his trying to interfere with you establishing your milk supply (after all, we're not talking here about never giving her a bottle, just about spending a few weeks getting your supply properly established)? Sorry, but that sounds very one-sided to me.

Except the health benefit from bf there is much more going on between the mum and the baby but also with the dad and mum/baby. It is an emotional issue for both parents and saying that a dad is arse because he is feeling rejected when there is such a strong relation between mum and baby is just as appauling!!!
I am pro bf, have done so since bf ds2 after FF ds1 and I KNOW it can be v difficult situation for the dad. It doesn't make it right but can someone have a bit of compasion for them???
Also, I have explained how DH amd myself dealt with the situation. Is there any other ideas here on MN to help the OP (instead of just critisizing)?

I think commenting on people's relationships is dodgy territory - who knows what binds some people together despite what would be huge faults in other people's eyes?!

There are lots of 'bond with your baby' ideas already on this thread, and it would be good for luna to remind her dh the baby is still very, very little - she isn't 'banning' him from giving a bottle forever.

I hope he comes round, luna.

He could also write a song for the baby and sing it to him - like the lovely dad in that vid

lunavix, sympatheties. Some men have all kinds of issues with bf. I never found out what my DH's problem was with it, he thought I would only bf for a few months at first, when in fact I had decided long long ago that I would allow DS to self-wean (DS is now 2.2 years and we have no intentions of stopping !!)

DH won't really say why he did not approve of bf long-term (I mean over one year), I have a gut feeling it may have to do with sex, but as I have been very very adamant, he gave up long ago on trying to get me to give up bf. When I have my mind made up about something, I am a tough woman to convince otherwise and DH knows it too !

Would it be helpful to "brain wash" your DH about bf ? I have used both subtle and unsubtle methods of brain washing and it has worked ! Only the other day when DH's mother said for the 100th time "isn't it time to wean xxx off the breast now that he is over 2 years", DH suddenly jumped in and said, "but it isn't doing any harm bf-ing him for this long and they both enjoy it". My mouth literally dropped open to see DH has become such an advocate of long-term bf !!

What I am saying is you know your DH better than anyone else, might some kind of gentle propoganda re. bf help him, perhaps get him to read a good book or website like kellymom.com or La Leche League website ? He may be converted !

luna - remind him that feeding a baby (just like giving birth) was a woman's biological function long before women were able to express milk and long before the invention of formula. You don't need to feed a baby milk in order to bond with it
My mother and DH's parents have never ever fed milk to my DS as I never formula fed yet they have the most amasing bond with DS and have never complained about not being able to feed him with milk. If feeding is so important to your DH, why not get him to feed the baby solids at 6 months and beyond ?

Tiktok, Thanks for your message. It is balanced and down to earth. All what you need with such a sentive issue.