please help - how do I cure cot phobic baby & stop breastfeeding

[mcnab]

Please share any experiences/advice, I'm feeling like a right failure as a mum at the moment and getting a bit down about it all :-( - 2 main connected issues sleep and breastfeeds.
SLEEP - My 10 month old only sleeps in her buggy/car during the day and has 2x30/40mins sleeps. She goes totally mad if I try to put her in the cot during the day. I was ok with this as she used to settle well at night (aka fell asleep whilst breastfeeding and went straight down). Now she doesn't and it's taking me around 60-90 mins to get her to sleep after putting her down at 7pm after her breastfeed. I do the wind down routine, tea, bath, story, cuddle, breastfeed, dark room and she is fine until I put her in the cot. Have tried patting, picking up/put down, leaving for a minute then returning. She is distressed and I am too - how can we get over this? Often she continues to cry in my arms, I can't seem to sooth her. The only thing that seems to work is letting her suck away on me for the time but this has to stop. She normally wakes once in the night and I have to feed her back to sleep (which I want to stop - see below). PLEASE HELP!
BREASTFEEDS - I need to wean her off now as I'm due back to work in 2 months time. We had cut back to 3 feeds a day but a recent bout of gastro-interitisis (sp?!) ended that and she's back to demand feeding (around 5 xs a day). Previously tried formula (every day for 1 week) and she hated it, spat it out and refused it. I guess I feel that the sleep is already so fragile that I'm worried about making things worse. Should I cut out the daytime ones and offer a snack instead. Have tried stopping morning one again and she tugs on my top, cries/clingy until I give in (hate seeing her upset).
Our day is:
6am wake + bf, 7.30 breakfast, 30mins nap somewhere between 9-10am, 10.30 bf, 12pm lunch, 40mins nap somewhere between 1pm-2pm, 2pm bf, 3.30pm snack+ drink, 5pm-5.30pm tea, 6.15pm bath
6.45 bf, 7pm attempt to put to bed. Never really asleep before 8pm/8.30pm.
I don't know which issue to tackle first. Feel like a big black cloud is over me when I should just be enjoying my beautiful daughter. Probably the sleep one and then the breastfeeding? Any tips please?

If she doesnt like the sleeping arrangement, I personally would change it. Get a different bed, or try co-sleeping.

Have you tried different formulas? Dont offer her a bottle, only a cup.
Tbh, if she's 10 months, I wouldnt bother with formula, just feed her yourself in evenings/weekends. But that would be my personal choice.

dont feel like a failure, we have all been there! I packed an expensive chair away, unused once, because dd1 hated it.

Hi Mcnab. I'm not sure I'm well placed to advise you but you do sound anxious about it all. I just wanted you to klnow that this behaviour is not uncommon in babies and you are NOT being a bad mum at all! Really you're not. Actually you sound like you're trying so hard to work between wanting the best for your baby as she wants it, as you want it and as you think it 'ought' to be. She sounds like she loves the comfort of breastfeeding more than is convenient for you, and this is hard work.

I am on my 2nd breastfeed loving baby, DD2 currently 5mo. by the way.

I think the work situation might be your fist port of call. You may find that the change in pattern has a knock-on effect elsewhere, and it might happen more 'organically' than you expect.

For instance, who will look after her while you are at work? Could they have a few 'trial runs' together? If they can establish a happy relationship that doesn't include breastfeeding then it might take things on a step. She is probably deeply insulted by the notion of you offering anythinng other than b/milk but from someone else it might be more acceptable.

I don't think it's a sin to feed your 10 month old to sleep but if you want to wean her off this habit I can only offer this: I used to sing to my DD1 so that the singing became a nice part of bedtime, and we had something to fill in the gap between feed and sleep as I tried to push the two further apart. But I think she was pretty easy in retrospect; DD2 might not be such a pushover. You could always try it...!

On the whole I am minded to nip distress in the bud, rather than the so called 'bad habits' you are worried about. Distress is so counter productive, for both of you. You sound so sensitive to her needs, I think you can make the most of this while gently showing her what you want her to do, just by tiny steps towards sleeping in cot. Perhaps putting her down for a little kicking and play time there as well as sleep; making it a normal part of her day.

Above all, remember everything changes so fast at this age. 2 months is a long time for her to come to terms with new things. She loves the comfort of you - how lovely! Let her enjoy you as much as you can, it's so normal...

Thanks for your lovely message. Managed to re-drop the mid morn feed yesterday by taking G to a creche at that time so was busy playing without me in sight when she would otherwise have had milk. So pleased about that. Will stick with 3 daytime feeds for the next couple of weeks and try to tackle the sleep issue as that's the most pressing.
Still took 90 mins to settle last night and we're getting a bit fed up! One of us stays with her to reassure. Reading other threads I think we need to give cc a go and I need to go downstairs and put music on so I can't hear her screams otherwise I know I'm not strong enough to resist going in and getting my boob out to sooth her.
Will give cc a go Sunday night (assuming hubby willing too) and let you know how we do.