feel like a failure

[frazzledfairy]

ds2 is 1 week old today, i wanted to feed him straightaway when he was born and did have a brief go with no success but then went into shock (extremely quick labour) so didn't hold him again for an hour or so, then spent ages trying to get him to latch on but he screamed for 4 hours before eventually falling asleep.

i have managed to get him latched on since but only for a few sucks then he refuses to go back on. i then feed him from a bottle with ebm which he guzzles down!

i tried a re-birthing bath with the help of a midwife this am and although he enjoyed the bath and latched on briefly he then became distressed and could only be calmed with a bottle.

ds1 would not bf either and was exclusively bottle fed from 12 days old.

basically i feel like a total failure and (silly i know) but like both my boys have rejected me, i know its the hormones but i just have no fight left in me.

Oh dear you do sound frazzled!

You're not a failure. You just need some help - there are loads of MNers who can give advice on bf, just keep bumping this until they see it.

ff I really feel for you. I had a similar experience with ds but did manage to bf in the end. Can you try to get support from the BfN, LLL ,NCT etc. I'm sure others would be able to give more constructive advice than me. Good luck and try not to feel a failure whatever happens (easier said than done I know) All that matters is that you have a beautiful healthy baby boy.

bump

I used to let ds suck on my pinky for a few seconds before I put him on, just to remind him what to do. Relax, he's not rejecting you, he just doesn't get the latching on bit.

Firstly congratulations - and did you have the home birth you wanted? I hope it wasn't too traumatic. Bf is so difficult and you've got such a lot to cope with so soon after giving birth - give yourself a break - you're certainly not a failure! With the bf, you'll need professional advice from someone with experience, but your baby will need you whether you bf or ff. I hope things get better soon.

frazzle, if bf is important to you, then stay with it. A week is very, very early days. Expressing at least 8 x a day inc at least once at night will keep your milk supply up while your little one learns about bf, which he will do if you keep his close to you day and night without making bf into a fight....he needs to learn the breast is a loving, snuggly place before he will relax enough to suckle.

That will happen.

it is important to me but i'm just so tired, and i feel like i'm making the poor little man do something he doesn't want to do, he's more than happy with the bottle.

also feel like everyone around me can do it and why can't i?

tiktok, am currently expressing on demand, prob 8+ times a day, then when i have expressed i try him on the breast (so i know the milk is flowing). i then have the ebm ready in a bottle.

feel like there is no hope, do you think there is?

yes thanks belgo, did have home birth, good job really as would never have made it to hosp!

frazzeled - sorry to hear this but its not too late to reverse things. You need help from a professional.

My DS would not latch at all properly for the first 4 days after birth (he was born 17 days early) at the time I had no idea why. I just refused to feed him formula and as I didn't know anything about expressing and didn't have a pump, I just kept offering the breast until he latched for longer and longer on each day.

I think it is best to offer a newborn ebm from a cup, spoon or syringe.

Please contact your local LLL or NCT. Someone needs to see you to help with any latch problems and how to stop using bottlefeeding at this stage.

I know it works if you just keep offering the breast very frequently, I am sure your baby just needs to learn how to feed from the breast. The bottle may be confusing him.

Good luck !

Do keep trying. I never gave mine a bottle. I bet most babies find bottles much easier. Mine didn't have a choice - had to work at getting it out of me etc. One week is nothing. You'll get it going fine. My sister in law hired a breastfeeding counsellor for her second and then breastfed for a year very well and very enjoyably.
When my sister's twins were born I [ avert your gaze here if you don't approve....] did latch one of her sons on to my breast when she was in hospital and having trouble. He had no difficulty (my twins were 2 so I am sure he didn't get any milk out) but I could see him able to form the right seal etc and get his mouth in the right place which he couldn't on my sister so it proved to us he could do it. Eventually she got it working okay.

Call someone from La Leche League or the NCT may be to call round and help.

I'm brandnew here, so, hope you don't mind me replying!
You have already received good advice i.e. to contact a Breastfeeding counsellor (sp?). They are volunteers and therefor their service is free!

Association of Breastfeeding Mothers
www.home.clara.net/abm
email: [email protected]
Helpline: 020 7813 1481
Offers 24-hour voluntary mother-to-mother support, counselling and information for breastfeeding women.

NCT Breastfeeding helpline
Breastfeeding Line: 0870 444 8708
The National Childbirth Trust has trained breastfeeding counsellors who can offer individual advice and support

La Leche League
www.laleche.org.uk
24hr Helpline: 020 7242 1278
Helpline offering advice and information on breastfeeding, plus local group meetings.

Breastfeeding Network
www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk
email: [email protected]
Helpline: 0870 9008787
Offers free, confidential telephone information on breastfeeding and one-to-one local support.

I can also just 2. the advice to try and avoid bottles and dummys at this stage, if expressed bm is necessary then via cup or syrynge or spoon is better, as it is less likely to cause confusion, as the suckling motion from a bottle is different to the one from a boob!

A lot of skin to skin might help, too!

Another thing is, to make sure there isn't a reason, like tongue tie, that makes it so hard for your lil one to latch on.

Lastly though, please don't feel like a failure, breastfeeding is "natural", but it's still something that has to be learned by mother and child. And as we don't grow up with it all around us, it is a bit harder to learn and get the right advice. Sadly a lot of m/w's , Gp's and HV's are not very knowledgable about Breastfeeding, of course there are those that are, but a BF councellor does definately know about it, no pot luck!
Best of luck to you and congrats on the Birth!

hi frazzled,
lots of good advice here, i'm sure you'll get things going in the end, a week is nothing in the scheme of things.

amongst the myriad problems i had with my wee daughter, she also didn't latch on for any length of time and became quite furious with me. it was very, very stressful and i do remember worrying that it was personal and she actually didn't like me (crazy, huh? but i was tired and wasn't thinking straight and i think that's when these negative feelings leak in). so i do understand that it is rough.

my best advice is to shout really loud for help. i didn't feel that i got people with the time and expertise to help me until i accessed a specialist breastfeeding unit which unfortunately i only found out about at 6 weeks, which was a bit on the late side.

everyone you talk to will have an opinion on what you should do, which left my head spinning, so if you can, find out the absolute best expert in your area and get to them. hopefully you'll like them and they'll be able to help you. other than that, i wish i'd had tiktok and mears around to help me when i was in trouble... good luck.

3andmore - welcome and very good post !

Thank you yellowrose!