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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Am I being precious?! Tell me your good experiences

23 replies

Mummyk1982 · 27/05/2014 19:38

Hi all

I've breast fed my 8 week old DD since she was born and whilst it's not always been easy I love that it's our 'thing'. However the flip side is that it's becoming a nightmare to achieve anything as there's such a short window of time between feeding/winding/settling for nap/or changing nappy before next feed is due. I'm finding myself getting stressed that I'm getting so little done in the day. So was thinking of expressing one feed a day so perhaps my husband could feed her whilst I cook, or my mum could watch her whilst I get shopping done or housework.
Thing is as desperate as I am to do this, I also feel like it's a big step. I know I'm probably just being precious/hormonal about it, but it means it won't be just our thing anymore!
Anyone else had these feelings but then realised it's not so bad?!

OP posts:

Writerwannabe83 · 27/05/2014 19:48

I have feelings like this at times - where I just think I'd love just some time to myself!! It feels like every waking hour is focused on DS and sometimes I feel exhausted by it.

However, I also love that feeding him us 'our thing' - it feels like something special between us, like a relationship with him that nobody else can have. I know I would hate to see anyone else feed him, I think I would feel so sad that I was no longer his 'provider' and he would know that other people could just as easily fill that role. It would make me feel that the 'thing' that makes me special and unique to him would be gone.

When I was in hospital following the birth he had a bottle of formula which the midwife gave him and everything seemed so wrong. I sat on my bed, just watching her doing it and sobbed. It was awful. I felt like it was my baby and only me should be feeding him. It's such a Mother's Instinct to be the one to nourish their child and when I saw someone else doing it I felt like I'd lost my baby to them.

I know that sounds ridiculous but that's how I felt.

I doubt I'd feel quite so strongly these days (DS is 9 weeks) but I still wouldn't like anyone else to feed him but me.

Maybe we're both precious....

TheFutureSupremeRulersMum · 27/05/2014 19:56

It does get easier with time. Your baby will get quicker at drinking her milk so feeding times will get shorter. I honestly found expressing more of a faff and time-consuming that feeding directly.

mrsmugoo · 27/05/2014 19:57

I'm 11 weeks EBF now and I'm really looking forward to being slightly more independent. I can't express a drop and DS won't take a bottle!

mrsmugoo · 27/05/2014 19:58

I'm 11 weeks EBF now and I'm really looking forward to being slightly more independent but I can't express a drop and DS won't take a bottle!

beatingwings · 27/05/2014 20:03

How long does your baby feed for and how often? At 8 weeks your baby is maturing quickly, and most babies will learn to feed more efficiently, quickly and not so often.

At 12 weeks my babies' daytime feeds lasted 10 minutes or so, apart from in the evenings when they loved to cluster feed( and I would have the perfect excuse to have OH fetch my cake/tea/hot chocolate/magazine/tissues/phone!

Expressing can be hard work and time consuming, for some even more time consuming than expressing, then you will have the extra work of sterilisiing, storing etc.
I breastfed two babies and never expressed.

I did however master the useful art of breastfeeding a baby in a sling. Meant I could be hands free to play with a toddler, wash up, chop vegetables, even hang out laundry on the line with a baby latched on.
I could push a trolley around ASDA doing the weekly shop while my baby was feeding.

Many towns have "sling meets" where you can try out different types of slings and get some useful tips on how to breastfeed a baby in a sling.

tiktok · 27/05/2014 20:40

How about someone else does the housework and the shopping?!

beatingwings · 27/05/2014 20:50

Sounds idyllic tiktok, maybe not realistic for many of us though.

Original poster

Mummyk1982 · 27/05/2014 21:07

Well ironically she's feeding longer now than when she was smaller!!
Basically her latch went pear shaped around 2 weeks ago- not sure why. Spoke to LLL leader who advised trying biological nurturing positions which is great for the latch but has meant her feed times have gone up from what was 5-10 mins to around 15-20 mins; I would guess because she's having to work against gravity- which isn't a bad thing as I have mega flow!!!
I think I'm going to have to brave it sometime soon as there are also a few evenings out coming up where it'd be nice if my mum could babysit (our anniversary and a wedding!)

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 27/05/2014 21:16

Things will settle down soon - probably what you're experiencing is a growth spurt. They do get quicker and easier to feed. It's not so full on forever :)

mrsmugoo · 27/05/2014 21:20

Online shopping all the way!

tiktok · 27/05/2014 22:22

Idealistic? Why? If someone is willing to help by giving the baby a bottle of ebm, to enable the mother to do shopping or housework, then they can do the shopping or housework instead.

Please explain what is unrealistic about that.

This is not letting a mother have time to herself. Not unless she adores housework as a welcome, creative break for rest and relaxation.

Mammabear31 · 27/05/2014 22:36

Just enjoy your time together, like you say it is "your time" and you have it for such a small part of their lives; the rest is stuff that can be figured out around it!! :) I really miss the days when DS & I used to snuggle up together, now I am lucky to get a quick cuddle before he crawls off somewhere to play.

Mammabear31 · 27/05/2014 22:37

I agree with tiktok - it's such a special bond that you have for such a small amount of time. Enjoy it while it lasts.

scottishmummy · 27/05/2014 22:44

Shop online
The housework can wait or dp do it.or cleaner if solvent

beatingwings · 27/05/2014 22:47

I didn't say idealistic, I said not realistic for some women. I don't know hy the sarcasm about huosework. When i was breastfeeding I had another child, my OH worked away, my only other family member was my disabled mother and i was her carer.
It's not about "not letting a mother have time to adore housework".

TheScience · 27/05/2014 22:54

The time it would take to express a feed, clean a bottle etc - I'd rather just feed the baby and have DP cook

Could you maybe just do a bit less between each feed? If the baby is hard to settle in a basket/cot for naps I would just hold her, or put her in a sling.

I have a 12 week old who feeds for about 20 minutes every 2 hours so I do understand how you feel though.

Georgina1975 · 27/05/2014 22:59

You need to give yourself permission to do what feels right for you.

I breastfed DD until around 12 months. She never had a bottle of anything...because she would not take the bloody thing from anybody!

We're all different. Personally I found it hard to be attached to DD so much. I craved doing normal things - especially those you mention. I think I wanted to bring about some pre-baby order to my life.

If I had been able to get a chunk of free time I would probably have spent it sleeping tbh though.

Georgina1975 · 27/05/2014 23:04

I was ace at the sling too btw. But I just needed away from baby time.

tiktok · 27/05/2014 23:33

beatingwings, you said the scenario I posited was idyllic and unrealistic. I still don't see why. OP wanted time off to do housework and the shopping. She was speculating that she could express milk in order for someone else to look after the baby while she (the OP) did cooking, housework or shopping.

I was a bit sarcastic about the idea that these activities represented rest and relaxation and 'me time' but this was not to be sarcastic at you personally.

I would still like an explanation of why my idea has you so convinced this is an impossible pipe dream. It would not have helped you, in your own difficult situation, but it was not about you! The OP has a mother and a husband who can help her. They can help her by cooking, shopping and cleaning surely?

Writerwannabe83 · 28/05/2014 09:37

As bizarre as it may sound I love getting some time to do the housework!!

When DH comes home from work I hand DS over and start tidying. After DS's last feed at night I leave him with DH to settle him and I go and wash up, sort out the washing, clean the kitchen, generally tidy the house, sort out the litter tray, change the steriliser etc etc and it feels so nice to have a break from DS and feel like I serve some other purpose than just being a mom. My DH keeps telling me to sit down and rest but I'd much rather be doing some kind of cleaning - it also helps me release any pent up stress if I've had a rough day with DS.

I used to do the majority of the housework before DS came along and by me having a quick blitz everyday it makes me feel like I'm still me.

josephine1986 · 28/05/2014 10:19

Nope, id rather have a lie down and read a book! But then ive always hated domestic drudgery! Bare essentials.for me - cooking, washing.up, change bins

tiktok · 28/05/2014 10:42

OK - obviously there are different ideas about what constitutes rest, relaxation and me-time :) :) :)

espresso14 · 28/05/2014 13:25

I still have the most frequent and longest feeder of anyone I know. Yours will probably get super efficient soon. In case this doesn't happen, here's my good experience:

Online shopping whilst feeding
hoover, dust and mop floors with baby in sling whilst she napped.
Took some practice, but learnt to feed in a sling, have done that walking to bus stop etc.

I don't love housework, but the lack of being "able" to represented a bit of a loss of control. Much happier when I did the above.

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