I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks 3 weeks ago, I know it's early but I already looked and felt very pregnant, it was our third baby and I ballooned in a similar way with my second.
It also coincided with me weaning DD who is 13 months, which was around the time we had planned to stop anyway. She spent a lot of time with family or DH as I couldn't care for the children in the aftermath and I now feel we almost forced her off the breast. It was far from the natural transition I hoped for, and like we had with DS and I am wracked with guilt over it.
I just couldn't bring myself to breastfeed her, as it seemed to stir up my already fraught hormones, and though she seems fine I cannot stop worrying that I was being selfish.
DH is against us going back to nursing, although I am still producing milk and feel I should to get back some kind of mothering feeling, which at the moment I seem to have totally lost.
I also feel guilty that I have spent a lot of time out with friends, and have used the nursery more often often than normal but some days I know they will do better job than me.
Today is one such example of how my mood switches, I had a great morning, then a few minutes ago a call from our health visitor to 'check up' ended with me in tears and I'm now feeling really low.
Are these feelings normal? I am wracked with guilt over the weaning and also that I am not grieving properly over the lost baby. I hate the feeling I get when I couldn't be further from maternal, and think back to just last month when I was pregnant and nursing , and able to do things with DS , and so much happier.
Sorry if this is long and a bit garbled, I'm not entirely clear what I am feeling.