Is this crap Hv advice?

[susannahmoodie]

Don't know why I bothered going really, but I am annoyed at myself and how I lose my confidence in front of them. I already know that this one is rubbish as she told me when ds2 was a newborn that I would be in for 'weeks of hell' bf him as his head was on 98th centile and his weight was only 91st and they had to match....

Anyway, ds2 now 8m. Weighed him, fine, asked me about milk/solids. I said he was still having 4 bfs a day and 3 meals. Fine. I mentioned that I was going back to work at 10m and so he would have 3 bfs a day then, am, when I get in at 4 and bedtime. I mentioned that I don't really want to introduce formula now and he won't take a bottle. She said but 'hmmm, he will need his milk' so I said it was ok as he still fed through the night so he'd just make up for it then. Big mistake! She said I had to 'COMPLETELY' cut out night feeds as 'there's simply no way I'd cope doing that and being back at work'....

I hadn't mentioned to her that we cosleep and so night feeds really don't disrupt my sleep that much at all, as I sensed she wouldn't approve. The thing is, I know I could cut the night feeds, but it would prob cause a lot of angst and still would t mean he'd not wake up.

The stupid thing is, I've done this before with ds1, now 3, who bf til 18m and sleeps fine. He was a couple of months older when I went back to work though, which is why I'm doubting myself.

Also, she got so caught up in the night feeds thing that the thing I actually wanted to talk about, ds's funny looking foot, she sort of dismissed and rushed me out telling me to make a gp appt...

I went back to work when my DS was 10 months, he's three and a half and still breastfeeding through the night!

You cope with what you want to cope with and DS was fine with expressed milk and then Cows milk in nursery when he hit one.

She is talking rubbish if you know you can do it :)

I work ft ds is almost one bf and still wakes regularly 3 times a night. I am fine, he is fine. Ignore Hv and do what is right for you. Ds refused a bottle but has ebm in a cup at nursery. It does mean I spend almost all of lunch pumping but I'm happy to continue with this for now. Ds. Was 9 months when I returned to work.

Follow her advice - make a GP appointment for his foot.

I've never met a HV who doesn't have their own agenda, so I gave up going.
I know there are good HV's out there, but the ones I met seemed to specialise in knocking the confidence of parents and make them doubt their abilities. They seem to buy into the info in bounty packs and SMA guides to feeding - your baby must sleep through by 4 months or you're doing something wrong! When in reality, it's normal for many babies and toddlers to wake in the night.

On the feeding front, it sounds like you're doing great. I'd ignore her.

of course it's crap advice.

how the fuck does she know what you will or won't cope with?? utterly ridiculous.

you carry on doing what works for you and ignore anything else!

Ignore everything she said, except for the bit about making a GP appointment to get ds' foot checked.

Sounds like you're doing a great job to me - and as long as its working for you, dh, ds1 and ds2 then no-one else (except the MN hordes, of course) has the right to an opinion as to whether you co-sleep, feed all night long, stand on your head or sing 'twinkle twinkle little star' backwards whilst doing so.

How irritating....not so much the advice (which is entirely misplaced as you know) but irritating that there are so few polite comebacks for an HCP who decides for herself what you can and can't 'cope with'.

The only ones I can think of are a bit rude, even without any swears....and yet she really should not be getting away with this sort of 'help' without a challenge!

How about this (though your moment has passed, I think!) :

'Excuse me....I am quite happy with my plan to feed BabyMoodie in the night....'

'yes but when you're working, you'll be worn out and blah blah blah....'

'Er....I did say I was quite happy with my plan' said with a smile to take the edge off it.

Thank you, nice to have some reassurance!!

She also said, which I thought was odd, that she was only allowed to tell me his weight in kg and if I wanted to know what it was in 'real money' I'd have to look it up myself....she's odd isn't she?

Now that is RIDICULOUS!

Yes she sounds very odd, I get baby sleeptime's weight in pounds first then kg, but then this seems to be the only thing my Hv is any good at.....

Honestly do whatever works for you, I only half listen to mine now as if we'd followed her previous advice I'd have lost the plot. I just nod, smile and ignore.

What a strange bunch of advice...apart from the foot advice to get seen by a GP. I do think some HCPs need to be challenged on what they say as they can totally raise parental stress levels and in some cases are just plain wrong and against all other advice. My HV once told me that my baby had reflux because I drank too many fizzy drinks and the bubbles went into my breastmilk!!! Aside from the fact that I only drink water and the odd cup of tea, i think I'd be more concerned about my impending death if bubbles were floating about in my bloodstream :-S

You sound like you know exactly what to do when you go back to work as you have sucessfully dealt with your other babies...I would get the foot checked out though by someone who knows what they are talking about ;-)

I've said it before and I'll no doubt say it again...Health Visitors are sent to try us...Mine have sprouted all kinds of crap. As you were op!

Nice easy answer this one: Yep, cept the GP bit but I sound like a broken record :)

This actually makes me sooooo so cross. HVs all over the country are doing more harm than good...failing mothers and babies who want to/are breastfeeding with such poor information. Heard in clinic (as a BF peer supporter) 'baby (6m)should not be BF so much during the day' 'they won't take water?' 'try adding juice' WTF?! Also, during AN class, 'you MUST have formula in the cupboard incase BF doesn't work out' Grrrr!
OP, you're doing great, all my kids did this when I went back to work. And your HV sucks, sorry!

Yesterday a lady at baby group told us how her hv (mine too) told her off for passing the baby to her OH then taking him back a minute or so later. She said that passing babies around from person to person stunts their growth