tell me to buck up and stop being so silly - feeling sorry for myself

[mrsleomcgary]

My daughter is 19 weeks and formula fed. I tried breast feeding and while I had great milk flow my daughter really struggled to latch. We tried a number of things with the help of midwives and breastfeeding councillors but she just couldn't get the hang of it and kept falling off and wasn't able to get back on. Because I had such good flow I expressed milk and fed her this way exclusively until she was almost 4 weeks old.

I stopped when I did for a number of reasons. I found it exhausting, I was stuck in the house most of the time because I couldn't go more than 3 hours without pumping or I would leak everywhere. I couldn't drink enough to stop myself getting dehydrated and I'm diabetic and my blood sugars were all over the place. In the end I stopped because I felt like I had to before I collapsed!

Anyway,since I had my daughter 3 of my friends have had babies,with another 2 having theirs before September. All my friends have managed to successfully breast feed,they've had their troubles but ultimately feeding is now established and they are all coping really well. My attitude to breastfeeding while pregnant was I would try but not beat myself up if I couldn't do it but despite that I now feel like I should have persevered with it,that I could have tried harder either to get her to latch or express longer.

I don't know why I feel like this, I just do and I can't shake this feeling of failing,even though I think ultimately it was best that I stopped when I did.

I understand you. I had the same feelings when I 'failed' to bf my lg. She would not latch and she was very sleepy. I was poorly due to a difficult birth and gave up after a few days. I felt very isolated as all others mums i knew were bfing and mine seem to be the only formula baby. I felt such a failure. I kept thinking i should have tried harder (although i did try bloody hard!). When I had my second baby I had exactly the same problems (sleepy, not latching) but I was more prepared, i had more support and i was determined to make it work. I managed this time and I am enjoying BFing my little boy. I now know that I would have never managed the first time, just because I did not have the right support and I was not prepared. I no longer have regrets. The important thing is that both my children are healthy and thriving.

You exclusively pumped for 4 weeks. That in itself is a massive achievement. Not to mention coping with your diabetes at the same time.
Be kind to yourself and enjoy your beautiful daughter.

You have to do what works for you. I EBF my DD for 8 weeks, battling through cracked nipples and mastitis. I became utterly exhausted and dreaded each feed as I knew it would descend into screaming from her and sobbing from me. The final nail in the coffin was when DD had lost weight at one of her weigh-ins.

After switching to formula DD was a different baby, so much more content and happy and I was finally able to enjoy being a mother. However I still mourned the fact that I was unable to BF for longer. I cried a great deal, and 2 weeks later still do. I think the feeling of "failure" is normal, but you have to tell yourself that it is not the case - every single mouthful of breast milk that you are able to give your child is beneficial and at the end of the day it is far more important that your baby has a happy and healthy mum.

It's really easy to look back on events in your life and say what you should have done - should've tried harder, or persevered etc. But that's looking back without the flood of emotion you had then, and without the tiredness and the stress and the worry for your baby. You made a decision based on everything that was going on at that time. You made the right decision for you and your child so there's nothing you should have done differently.

I formula fed too because I couldn't do it. Breast feeding. It felt like a spectacular failure. At the first post.

My mother told me that it was just one thing that I could do for my dd. (dd is 10 now). And it was. I made all her baby food. I read her a story every night. I taught her the days of the week. I go to her school plays. I scream for her at cross country. I help her with her homework. I buy her shoes that fit. I schlep her to gymnastics at 8pm. I paid for her braces. I search for the only moisturiser that doesn't make her itchy.

It feels like everything at the start because feeding is all that babies do. But it isn't everything as you have ayers and years to do other things.