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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Dh wants me to stop bf ds2

18 replies

Edenviolet · 03/05/2014 22:38

Ds2 was 2 in April and is still bf once during the day, at bedtime and if he wakes in the night as it settles him back to sleep.
I hadn't even thought about stopping bf but today dh looked at us while ds was feeding and said " you need to stop, he's too old now".

I'm not sure what todo-fed dd1 till she was 4 and ds1 and dd2 till they were approx 2.5 as I was pregnant and couldn't bf when I was expecting (it hurt! And made me feel unwell).

Ds2 is our last (well I'm 99% sure he will be) so I'm reluctant to stop now when we both still want to bf. dh is quite insistent that I need to stop ASAP. I feel almost embarrassed now bf ds near dh as he seems disapproving. Its a horrible feeling

OP posts:

Mogz · 04/05/2014 19:02

Your baby and your body, do not let ANYONE make you feel ill at ease with the choices you make.

SpiderRoaster · 04/05/2014 19:08

What are his reasons for wanting you to stop?

Is it that he's worried about you?

DP said this to me when he saw how tired I was one day, when mini spider was being particularly demanding. We had a chat and he was just checking I was ok with still feeding. The benefits to my dd (and to me too) were still there so I was relatively happy.

Like mogz said, it's your body and your decision.

TheNewSofa · 04/05/2014 19:10

Why was he ok for you to feed dd till 4 but not the youngest?

Original poster

Edenviolet · 04/05/2014 20:57

When I had dd1 I was still living at my mums so he didn't see us often as when she was 8 weeks old till about 3 yrs old we were not together. He never asked how she was fed and by then it was just at bedtime.

He has just made me feel a bit awkward now, I don't think he meant to but to suddenly decide ds2 is 'too old' and to keep mentioning it has made me feel criticised.

OP posts:

TheNewSofa · 04/05/2014 21:07

And how did he react to the other children being fed till 2.5?

rubyslippers · 04/05/2014 21:10

well it's such an out of the blue, and loaded statement TBH

how does he think you will settle your baby to sleep at night ?

can you have a discussion with him about it?

gamerchick · 04/05/2014 21:13

I got all of this with my husband and family. Although to give him his due he didn't bang on about it when I gave the look.

Just say when we're ready with a smile.. stop when you're done.. its not as if the bairns permanently attached.

Original poster

Edenviolet · 04/05/2014 22:21

He didnt really have much to say about it with the others, probably because with ds1 and dd2 as soon as I got pregnant I couldn't bear to bf and quickly stopped, no idea why but it suddenly felt odd, almost painful and made me feel agitated and unwell so that was it.
I think dh know that as there will be no more dcs there won't be the pregnancy reason for stopping!

I think ds2 will stop when he's ready, he asks sometimes in the day but I stick to just the once before or after his nap and then at bedtime. Only a couple of weeks ago ds was so ill (scarlet fever) and the only thing he would have was milk if I couldn't have fed him I think he would have ended up dehydrated in hospital.
He eats three meals a day plus snacks so I don't see why dh thinks its odd, I'm not feeding him all the time but suddenly dh deems him too old.

He has also told me no more babygros for ds it has to be pjs

OP posts:

Original poster

Edenviolet · 04/05/2014 22:22

I get the distinct feeling he thinks I 'baby' ds2.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 04/05/2014 22:28

So what if you do?

Unless he's going to take over all of the bedtimes and whatnot.. tell him to wind his neck in.

Starballbunny · 04/05/2014 22:31

DD2 BF until way, way after she started school, she is the least 'babyish' most self assured child you are ever likely to meet.

joanofarchitrave · 04/05/2014 22:32

He's TWO.

With older children he must be aware that they get so grown up so quickly? What's his rush?

I think just ask him why he's saying this. It might be interesting to get to the bottom of this, not to persuade you to stop but to find out why he has this impulse. Is he himself the youngest and felt he was babied, or the eldest and was a bit envious/disapproving of babying of his younger sibling?

TBH my ten year old has only just gone BACK into a onesie, it's not exactly unusual to be in a 'babygro' type outfit these days.

Original poster

Edenviolet · 04/05/2014 22:35

Ah, yes, bedtimes........

Since August last year I've been asking dh to sort out dd2s bedtime routine, she is four and he still insists on lying down with her till she s asleep. Its meant to be he gets dd2 to bed and I get ds2 to bed but he takes at least an hour getting her to sleep she has him wrapped round her little finger!

Last year when he went away for a few days I read to her, made sure she was ok to go to sleep then tucked her in said night and that was it, when he returned I told him this and he was horrified and reverted back to his routine! I tried to explain that she is at an age where she needs a proper bedtime routine and to get herself off to sleep. Perhaps he's trying to prove a point by mentioning me bf ds as I'd criticised how he dealt with dd2.
The silly thing is if he actually let dd go to sleep by herself and he was that desperate for me to stop bf he could then get ds to sleepbut he doesn't want the hard work bit of ds2 wanting to be bf and getting upset. He told me today "just say no to him, he will get the message" when ds decided to put his hand down my top and exclaimed loudly "booby! And another one! Found you!" Dh didn't look amused.

OP posts:

Original poster

Edenviolet · 04/05/2014 22:38

Dh was a middle child but his mum really babied him, keeping him in a buggy or carrying him everywhere till he was six (he has joint problems).

To this day if he has a cold she phones me telling me to use Vicks/Karvol etc and make dh hot chocolate! He seems to hate the attention now and looks mortified when she does this. Perhaps he thinks I will over mother ds2 as well.

I probably do baby ds2 a little, but he is very much still a baby to me! He was only 2 last month.

OP posts:

joanofarchitrave · 04/05/2014 22:42

Well then, I think you should raise it with him again. Say that you were quite surprised when he said this thing, and why did he say it? No need to bring up his mum's treatment unless he does. By the way, is it possible that his mum actually needed to carry him everywhere? Did that cause the joint problems - presumably not?

LEMmingaround · 04/05/2014 22:45

Wtaf has it got to do with him?

Dippy001 · 04/05/2014 22:53

My DH is the same. He wants me to stop because my DS is more attached to me than to him. My other child was more attached to me as well (but not BFd) which he seems to have forgotten. BF is blamed for all issues here! It is very hard when people put pressure on you to stop but if you're happy and your DS is happy then keep doing what makes you both happy! x

Original poster

Edenviolet · 04/05/2014 22:54

He dislocate his joints a lot (eds like our own dcs) so I understand why she did it but I think she was so terrified of him being ill and needing more surgery (for some reason they kept operating to tighten tendons etc) that she really was very protective of him.

Tbh he's not been himself lately, he raised another out of the blue subject today and took me by surprise by telling me his wishes regarding organ donation which was not what I was expecting him to start a conversation about so that and the 'stop bf' thing combined are making me wonder what's going on with him.

OP posts:

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