those of you who breastfeed an older baby/toddler to sleep - please tell me how you do it!!!!!!

[lazycow]

I an really at the end of my tether with this.

Just for for background - I am bfeeding ds who is 21 months old btween 2-4 times a day depending on whether I am at work that day or not.

In the mornings ds is very keen to breastfeed and
does does so with no problem (other than the normal wriggling and sometimes painful latch that I am now used to)

In the evenings however out breastfeeding sessions can go on for ages and are becoming even more of a wrestling match than normal as he wriggles,kicks,punches and scratches me, not to mention trying to pinch my other nipple yet gets very upset if I try and stop the breastfeeding session.

He will feed for ages and his eyes will close then he will snap them open again and get really agitated - this goes on and on and on ....

It can take an hour and all I am left with is a wide-eyed toddler who has to be taken to bed crying by his dad. He usualy then falls asleep within 5 mins max with his dad in the room though you would think he is being murdered as he is taken away from me by his dad though.

I know a lot of people say you shouldn't breastfeed a baby to sleep as they get dependant on it. I have never seen anyone post that they are actually trying to breastfeed to sleep but it won't work.

Am I the only one who has this problem??

Tbh he has very rarely breastfed to sleep at night and has been a bit like this since he was a few months old but I am getting really sick of it and I am seriously thinking of weaning.

Can someone please remind me what exactly are the advantages of breastfeeding a toddler if it doesn't calm them down but makes them more agitated at least 50% of the time?

Even if you breastfeed in the evening you don't have to breastfeed to sleep,and I'd be surprised that any nearly two-year old breastfeeds to sleep (though now everyone will post to say theirs does). I also wonder why you even want to. Especially given that he falls asleep five minutes after being taken to bed. Actually, I'd guess he's fighting and fidgeting and crying because he is over tired. I think at 21months he's more than old enough for a different routine, that can include an evening breastfeed (but much earlier than you do now) after or before a bath, then books and bed. If you aren't enjoying breastfeeding then why not drop the evening feed altogether, stick with the morning one for a bit and then lose that.

I suppose I am trying to do that as almost every other method to put get to sleep without crying seems to be failing recently. I knew it wouldn't work really but I was trying just in case . Fact is he is probably too old for this even if he had been a baby who breastfed to sleep when younger.

An earlier evening breastfeed is becoming more and more difficult as he jsut seems to refuse to do it and is using it as way of putting off bedtime.

As I type this I am realising how silly this sounds. I do need to drop the evening feed I think, sometimes it is just useful to type it out and get some perspective.

Also he is overtired I think as he has been going to bed later and later and getting more and more cranky in the day. We are going to have to bite the bullet and do the early bedtime thing again.

We have done this in the past and it has worked but we just have a week of crying (sometimes an hour or more of crying) before he goes to sleep. I suppose I just can't face that again

BTW - we don't leave him to cry (before I get jumped on) we stay with him but we insist he either lies on the bed with us or as a last resort goes in the cot while we are in the room if he keeps getting off the bed.

Thanks for the reply

Aw Lazycow this sounds very tricky for you. When I used to feed ds to sleep I used a sling - even when he was quite big - but he had been used to being in one from babyhood so I am not optimistic it would work out with a toddler.

Don't worry about your child being dependant on any method to go to sleep while they are small like this - unless you are not happy about it NOW - it won't last forever. I would try to develop a routine where you feed earlier and then cuddle him to sleep or just stay with him in the room while he lies down. It does sound as if he is growing out of this way of falling asleep and needs a bit more space. How did he used to fall asleep, then, if not by feeding?

Oh forgot to say, yes, sorrell, mine did feed and cuddle to sleep until 2 and beyond. A nice easy, relaxing end to the day - well that's the theory hey lazycow?

Hi F&Z

He generally did quite a lot of crying in my arms - sometimes he did breastfeed to sleep but only about 50% of the time.

As he got older he would stop breastfeeding and just turn over, stick his thumb in his mouth and go to sleep - sometimes with a bit of grumbling or moaning and little cries and sometimes with a whole lot more crying. Over time though he cried less at bedtime thankfully.

The good thing about it though is that dh can put him to bed and often did after I had fed him as the crying happened whether it was me or dh with him. Also nowadays on the odd occasion I'm not home before his bedtime dh can put him to bed as well. Dh reports that when he is offered a beaker of milk instead of mummy he sort of giggles drinks some of the milk and then they do the normal cuddling they would do after he has fed from me. That makes me and at the same time!

DS does still want to breastfeed - he just doesn't seem to like to do it much in the evening as he sees it as a cue for bedtime and I suppose bedtime has always been something he dislikes.

I am just thankful that his naps are so easy nowadays - no crying at all - He used to do this for naps as well which was very difficult.

Overall he is getting better - it is just that the last few weeks have reminded me of those awful early months again so I suppose that is the real problem.

I might just try moving the breastfeeding earlier and if he doesn't want it get dh to put him to bed anyway. If he crys a lot more than usual or is really distressed I can always try the breastfeeding again - I live in hope!!

Poor you, lazycow, it sounds miserable and exhausting. I hope things improve.

Bath, optional breastfeed, story and bed can be relaxing too though! Personally, given your child, I'd work on making the new routine as lovely and predictable as possible. How about your dh taking him to bed half an hour earlier, cuddling and looking at books with him for ten minutes, and then sitting next to him and giving him the odd pat as he goes to sleep? You can keep breastfeeding as long as you like, but a big boxing match before bed sounds counterproductive

Oh, and I think some children just do cry a little bit before bed - and then grow out of it. Don't think it means they are seriously psychologically disturbed or anything! I honestly don't think it's anything to get very upset about. Is he just crying as he's taken off to bed and then for five minutes but is happy and fine during the day? I really think that's not so terrible. He will grow out of it. I suspect it's just a sense of disappointment that his lovely day is over.

Thanks guys - it's good to get it all out there.

I will try a different routine I think and dh and I will gird our loins for a bit more crying but with a bit of luck in a few days he will have settled down again and be going to bed a bit earlier which he needs at the moment with minimal fuss.

My ds is nearly 17mths and we have always bf to sleep. It is the only way I can get him to sleep in the house! Recently he has been doing that hyper thing when he'll bf almost to sleep and then suddenly the eyes pop open and he's wide awake, wriggling, etc.. This has tended to happen when he has napped too late in the day, and he's maybe not as tired as he could be at bedtime. What I do when he's like this is put him in the cot and sit next to him, no eye contact for a few minutes. Then say something like, are you ready to go to sleep now/ have your milk now? Then get him out and try feeding again. This can be incredibly boring and frustrating as the process often needs to be repeated. But there is no crying.

Tbh though, if I were in your position, I'd probably work on your dh putting him to bed in a lovely cuddly relaxed way. At times I really wish my ds would go to sleep for his daddy...