Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Breast or bottle? Why do we fight so much???????

37 replies

damewashalot · 24/08/2006 10:40

It's odd, I can see both sides of the feeding debates as I loved feeding ds1, was an annoying breast is best, it's wonderful, everyone should do it type person for a while started NCT training as bfeeding counsellor but realised that wasn't for me as I couldn't be as evangelical and blinkered about it as the women on the course were. Not saying all NCT counsellors are like that but they were.
Then I had ds2, had a horrible time, ended up mixed feeding, bfed because I thought I should, felt guilty about the bottles and guilty about wanting to stop but resented doing it (felt guilty about that too) generally had a horrible time.
This time it's wonderful again, struggled with thrush for about 6 wks early on but got through it, I love the closeness and the convenience, as am far too lazy for making bottles etc. I can't think of anything more special than this (I'm sat feeding writing this)
So why is it such a big deal? Why do we take so much interest in how others feed their babies? For my part, with ds1, I was so enjoying feeding him and feeling that I was doing the absolute best I could for my baby that I wanted everyone else to feel the same way and couldn't understand why everyone else didn't share my enthusiasm. I think that sometimes those that have or are bfeeding can get so caught up in the benefits and positives of it that they forget that not everyone's the same.
With ds2 I expected to bfeed, he had probs and I was bullied into formula in hospital I then kept getting mastitis and the one time I did phone a councellor and she did was tell me that all my baby needed was my milk for 6mths and tell me off for giving bottles. Since having ds3 I have realised that my probs were probably caused by his tongue tie which I had been told couldn't possibly be the problem, strange that when trying to convince people that I had thrush this time they all thought it must be a problem with his latch due to his tongue tie ! [rolls eyes] even though I knew this time his latch was good and I did have thrush.
The one thing I have to admit is I don't get people that don't even try to bfeed, even if the benefits for baby don't make them want to try, the hassle of sterilising etc and cost of formula, having to carry bottles and warm them, I just don't get it, boobs are portable and fairly instant, if you are like me and will whip one out and feed anywhere But not everyone does and I for one can live with that, not everyone's dh/p is as supportive of it as mine, if I'd listened to my mil I wouldn't have lasted past the first few days with ds1 and wouldn't have even tried with ds2 or 3.
I'm sorry this was such a long waffle and not the best english in the world typing with squirmy 5mthold on boob is not my strong point but I was thinking about it whilst considering sitting in the corner and crying because he has got his first tooth and keeps nipping me with it and it hurts but I really don't want to give up for a long time yet. I generally keep out of feeding debates and I might of upset all sorts of people but I've written it now so here it is
BTW I buy organic meat and veg all the time, take my children to Mcdonalds oncw or twice a year and........ they like sausage rolls
(goes and hides in corner and wonders what she was thinking)

OP posts:
cowmad · 29/08/2006 19:22

ditto soupdragon not showing off at all are you!!highly commendable you bf 3!but my comments wernt aimed at the wonders like yourselves,but the people that invade your space and ask directly.Im sure you may have mis-read my comments please read again and let me know your thoughts also i didnt say the supposed person i was talking about, was a failed breastfeeder but its interesting that is what you assumed

el123456 · 29/08/2006 20:14

we all judge eachother for everything.i bet many ff out there still judge a heavily preg women smokin.this is because that is not the best decision for her baby,and this is the same for ff.it also happens the other way around as i lost a friend because she said i was wierd and would screw up my child for bb her at two.

Elf1981 · 29/08/2006 20:17

as I said on another thread...

we need to stop thinking that our route is "right", and think it was the "right route for me personally".

NotAnOtter · 29/08/2006 20:24

i argue for both camps and find the over-precious breast feeders on here too much to bear.
However...i do believe bottle feeding to be the easier option and feel it would be a breath of fresh air for a few bottle feeders to admit this too!

SoupDragon · 29/08/2006 20:31

Oh FFS, Cowmad, I never said anyone specific was a failed breastfeeder at all so I wasn't assuming anything. It is the case on MN where threads on which people have said how proud they are at bf-ing successfully etc have been jumped on by people saying how it's making them feel guilty for having "failed". I use the term "failed" breastfeeder to differentiate between a bottle feeder who has had to give up bf-ing through problems/lack of support/bad advice rather than a "through complete choice" bottle feeder. I don't really see them as having failed though, hence the ""s.

An no, I'm not showing off at all but you have nicely proved my point - breastfeeders aren't allowed to show any pride in their achievement for fear of upsetting a "failed" breastfeeder or being accused of feeling superior or of showing off.

And I sincerely hope you made a typo when you typed "wonders" and meant "wonderers"...

SoupDragon · 29/08/2006 20:33

"over-precious breast feeders" Sigh.

Oooh, I don't think bottle feeding is the easy option at all; it seems far more complicated and labour intensive to me. I think both methods have their pluses and minuses. Horses for courses I guess as to which suits you/ your life/your baby the best

NotAnOtter · 29/08/2006 20:34

those were my words

el123456 · 29/08/2006 21:13

shall we not forget that the decision should involve what best for your baby aswell.easier for you not as important surely.

Elf1981 · 29/08/2006 21:25

if that was in reference to my post...

what I say is best for me = how it worked for me and my child, not what I thought was an "easy" option.

If my child was struggling with b.feeding / losing weight etc, no matter how much I wanted b.feeding to suceed, there is no way I'd hesitate to switch to ff.

b.feeding has worked for me with dd, so that's the right route for us. IF I had another dc and b.feeding was not working, I'd try to make it work and then switch to ff - that then would be the right route for me and my child.

el123456 · 29/08/2006 22:00

it was actually in response to what notanotter said.should have made that clearer.i would never criticise anyone as i have taken loads of stick for breast feeding mine late and it can be horrible.if you are trully happy with the choice you make you have to hold your head high and get on with it.

goldendelicious · 29/08/2006 22:06

When I read the title on this thread I thought OMG another ding dong!

But what a lovely thread this has turned out to be.

I too couldn't give a monkeys how anyone feeds their baby, and can't understand people who feel they have to stick their nose in - its not their baby is it?!

Message for riab - I exclusively FF just because I chose to, like yourself. From the start I refused to be made to feel guilty about it, and i'm glad noone's jumped up to argue with you about it, its really refreshing. I haven't ever been questioned about it though TBH which was really nice - I was prepared for some looks/comments when took DS out and fed him in a public place but I never noticed anything.

Ooooh what a lovely thread I feel all warm and fuzzy and nice!!

riab · 30/08/2006 11:30

Several people have summed it up relaly well, If everyone recognised that
a) the 'right' thing to do is what is right for you and family AT THIS TIME!
b) No-one has the right to ask you uninvited questions/ make assumptions/ offer unwanted advice because of your parenting decisions
c) there are a million and one reasons that women choose to or have to formula feed, lets ALL join in thanking them up there that there IS a healthy alternative for feeding babies that nowadays doens't involve wetnurses or goats (the way they used to cope way back when)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread