My baby will be 3 weeks old on weds, was born at home, 9lb 5oz, traumatic fast delivery (first baby, 4hour labour) - shoulder dystocia, near hemorrhage for me, rescue breaths for him, ending in a 4th degree tear for me and an admission to hospital.
Before he was born I said I wanted to breast feed but wouldnt be gutted if I couldnt for whatever reason. It turns out that actually its becoming the be all and end all for me, its not going well and im desperate for it to work. So far, this is whats happened:
Meconium passed at delivery, loads of it, good clear out. Next poo not until he was 4 days old, brown in colour, no meconium. He was also weighed at 4 days old and had lost 9.6% of birthweight. At this point my milk was only just coming in, which according to the midwife is common after a difficult delivery.
Was weighed again 2 days later and had a small gain, taking him up to a 9.4% loss. Still no more poos. Since then, has only pooed 4 times total since birth (longest gap between movements being 9 days) and weight gain is steady but slow (sometimes 50g in a couple of days, sometimes 10g, has never lost or stayed static). We were readmitted to hospital on day 9 and got checked, drs said nothing wrong, no blockages or anything. Baby was diagnosed with tongue tie which we had snipped last tues. Since then he has gained 120g, which again, although steady, isnt a massive amount. He is still 200g from being back at birth weight.
Am getting plenty of wet nappies, no poos (big one on sat and fully expecting not to see another for the rest of the week) I think the issue now is bad latching habits, I dont think he opens his mouth wide enough and when he does get on properly he still manages to 'slide back' so to speak so I dont think he's getting as much as he could. In himself he is a very contented baby, wakes for feeds, sleeps in 3 hour blocks, is alert when awake, doesnt look at all unhealthy.
Im not actually sure where im going with this, I could cry every time he gets weighed and it isnt a big gain, im trying so hard to succeed at this but just keep getting told latch looks good. I dont think it can be good if he isnt gaining faster! Its such hard work for such small gains, I feel like im starving him with my inability to feed him properly and my bloody mindedness about not wanting to give formula. Im pumping to increase supply (also soul destroying as getting hardly anything off and he wont take a bottle anyway, although I understand about it not being an indicator of supply)
What can I do to make this right? I so so want to succeed and feed my baby myself but I cant help feeling im doing him a disservice trying to carry on