Should I give a dummy?

[OrangeMochaFrappucino]

DS2 is 10 days old. For the past two nights he has screamed the place down if put in the crib and would only sleep on one of us - mainly me. He has been doing hours of continuous cluster feeding, which is fine - I know he needs to do it and I remember it from DS1. The problem is, I can't survive on zero sleep, particularly when DH goes back to work next week.

In desperation at 5am, I wondered if a dummy would help or hinder us. The health visitor told me yesterday they are now recommended under safe sleeping guidelines, though not to introduce til breastfeeding well established. We''ve had no problems feeding, his latch is great, I have a plentiful supply, he's above his birth weight and producing lots of wet and dirty nappies.

I'm not keen to co-sleep as I can't figure out how to do it safely - no room to put mattress on floor, I like to snuggle up with pillows and duvet and I don't think I could really relax with a newborn in bed with me. But last night I kept falling asleep with him as I couldn't keep my eyes open and I am worried about putting him in danger this way.

So would a dummy buy us an hour or so of sleep? Would it not help at all? Do I just need to ride out the early days? I do remember DS1 feeding constantly but there was always a point where he would eventually settle in the crib - this little one just won't and it's so much harder with a 3yo up at 6.30 every morning!

DD is almost 6 weeks old and I got her a dummy about 2 weeks ago. It's a great soother for her as she's a very sucky baby. She only has it when put down for naps or if she's obviously sucking on my boob for comfort rather than food. She spits it out when she falls asleep so no issues with dependence.

I say do what keeps you sane and if it's any consolation DD would only sleep on someone for the first week or two but when we switched her to GroBags rather than swaddling (big baby!) she started sleeping in her Moses basket at night.

Thanks - he's tiny, only 6lbs 9oz at birth so GroBags are a while off. I'm so looking forward to them, messing about with blankets is a pain! He does seem to like swaddling but it's taken us til today to twig that - DS1 hated blankets and wouldn't rest til he was free so I'm used to settling a baby with the absolute opposite preferences!

DH is going to try him with a bottle of expressed milk later to see if I can get a bit of sleep anyway and I'm going to try warming the crib sheet with a hot water bottle before laying him down so we'll see how we get on tonight.

I started using a dummy on my two week old and had massive pangs of guilt and felt like id failed as a mum. Spoke to my lovely midwife and she reassured me it was fine, and do what you feel is right as a parent. We only give it to her to settle her when she sleeps and often spits it out when she is content. The midwife also said they will self wean off their dummy when they want.

I gave DD1 a dummy at 9 days in desperation and cried over it, convinced I'd failed as a mother. She gave it up with no fuss at 20 months, was EBF, and only ever had it for sleep. DS1 is 5 days, and had one for an hour last night. I feel no guilt at all, but feel far more rested. Do whatever gets you through the day!

Also, have you thought about a side car cot? Gives the closeness of cosleeping but with less worry about blankets etc. DS1 has gone straight into it, so I can just roll over to feed him, then keep a hand on his chest whilst he drops off.

DS2 had a dummy from about 4 weeks to about 16 weeks. In the middle of the night it was the only thing that would settle him when I put him in his crib. I assume he was suffering from some reflux or something and the sucking helps settle it down as the saliva trickles down the throat. Eventually he just sucked it for a minute and let it fall while he slept on and a week or two later we found we had no more need for it.

Both dds had dummies. God send!! Some babies are aucky babies and just need it.

Thanks for all the advice - it's really sad to hear people say it made them feel like failures. I don't feel like that at all, just wasn't sure if I should hold off in case of messing up breastfeeding but I don't think that would happen. I also wondered if it would actually help him settle - if it does then I'm happy! Depending on how tonight goes, I might get out tomorrow to buy one.

Oh and I would love a sidecar cot, they are just a bit too expensive. I wish I hadn't bought a birth pool (which is totally unused as I had to go to hospital before we could even set it up!) I could have put that money towards a co-sleeper crib which I think would be fantastic.

Could you sell the birth pool on ebay?

Yes, I'm hoping to. Need to get organized - hopefully some sleep will help :)

A cheap cot with the side taken off can be adapted. Just bungee or cable tie cot to bed frame.

A cot with a drop down side can easily be converted into a sidecar cot as op says using cords. We did this worked really well.
I would be wary of a dummy at such a young age as they aren't really recommend before 4 weeks when breastfeeding but it is your choice if all is going well.

DS2 has a dummy (is there any research on the effects on bfing btw?) but still cluster feeds and co-sleeps.

Some evidence based stuff here TheScience.

Well, he settled beautifully in his crib from 7pm last night, I went to bed too and he woke up 2-3 hourly for feeds and settled down straight after each one back in the crib. They are so unpredictable! Feeling much better from catching up a bit on sleep - I guess he is going to keep us on the hop for a while so I'll just see how we go. I've realised how much of DS1's newborn phase I had forgotten - probably for the best!!