Baby is 3 days old and I have decisions to make.... :-(

[weebigmamma]

I had an ELCS and spent 3 days in hospital. The whole time I was there I was making use of the midwives and trying to get bubs to latch on with no success. The midwives said they couldn't see where I was going wrong and even they had major trouble getting him on the boob. I left hospital today with the advice that I might have to think about either expressing or going with formula. With my first child the same thing happened and I did try expressing but it really just prolonged the misery of having to give up breastfeeding. I'm now into the baby blues period, quite weepy, and thinking I'm just going to decide in favour of formula feeding and get the disappointment over with while I'm feeling sad anyway. I suppose I could always change my mind when my milk comes in. Trying to tell myself that at least baby got some colestrum and I really did try my best, and he does seem happy with bottle feeding too.... someone tell me I'm not a bad mum for not considering the expressing?! I'm dreading telling the community midwife as it says on my notes I was breastfeeding and I'm scared she's going to be judgey about me giving up as soon as I got home, but it really wasn't like that (and even if it was it's nobody's business anyway, I know that, but I still feel sad about it....)

Ok I'm certainly no expert but all is not lost. I'd ring your local La Leche League number before assuming it won't work at all. And in the meantime, loads of skin to skin, keep trying to latch him on, baby to breast etc, and don't beat yourself up xx

Have you tried nct bf counsellors? La leche league? Any friend or relative who has bf before?

Ultimately it's your choice, and it's not really that big a deal - plenty of people choose to ff and have no qualms about it. But if you have built it up into being a huge thing in your head, then maybe you owe it to yourself to try a few of the other bf help services before you decide to quit.

But it's no big deal, really. Your own business.

Fwiw, my notes for ds1 said I was ff. he was a bottle refuser and I couldn't have ff him if I'd tried (and believe me, I tried, for ten long months). I couldn't be bothered to correct the notes - it's really no big deal and I know how he was fed.

And congrats!

Congratulations! Has lo been checked for tongue tie?

Here is the Leche League helpline info

4.5 months ago I was in the identical position to you...
Had total nightmare with DC1 - left hospital thinking bf was going brilliantly but by day 4 my nipples were in shreds and DD was getting dehydrated. Local feeding team were brilliant and tried everything to help with latch but I ended up pumping and bottle feeding expressed milk for three weeks. Then I completely hit the wall, exhaustion from relentless pumping, tongue tie clinic referral came through but they wouldn't snip - said it was only slight, tried osteopath etc but in the end had to move on to FF. I was absolutely devastated because I was so desperate to BF. Within a few weeks we settled in to ff routine and I managed to put the experience behind me and enjoy being mum to my gorgeous dd. Fast forward 21 months later and off I went to hospital for ELCS with DC2, completely convinced that I would never be so unlucky to produce a second bad latcher... WRONG!!! It was even more disastrous second time round, I was pumping this time before I left hospital... was in floods of tears in a horrible 6 bay ward with no privacy, in agonising pain after op not being given proper pain relief.. Had amazing support again from local council feeding team but it all fell apart again and DS was on formula by 3 weeks old. We are not having any more DC so it hit me even worse, all I could think was I'll never get this chance again. I hired a private midwife this time to snip DS slight tongue tie, this definitely made a difference with a slightly improved latch. So I would definitely go down this route.. the paediatrician said DS didn't have tongue tie but I could see it myself and the midwife agreed with me, although it was slight. DS is thriving now but I find it very hard to watch others bf because I still have this irrational feeling of failure... Despite all of this I know I can always look back and say I did absolutely everything to make it work. Both of my children are happy, healthy and thriving and at the end of the day that's all that really matters!

On the tongue tie issue, can I suggest you get a lactation consultant's opinion rather than a paediatrician? My DS was tongue tied, we had awful problems feeding in his first week (couldn't latch, wasn't feeding properly at all so lost too much weight, became jaundiced and needed a few days in hospital to sort him out). A private LC and the hospital one both agreed he had a posterior tongue tie; the paediatrician shoved a finger in his mouth and pronounced that if he could suck that there wasn't a problem. Grr. The hospital LC explained training around tongue tie is very outdated and they (paeds) are only trained to recognise very pronounced tongue ties. LCs see them very frequently so recognise the many types. We got ours snipped privately as the NHS wait was 6 weeks by which point we'd have had to switch to ff. Over a weekend he and I figured the latch problem out and we're still ebf at almost 10 months.

But as others have said, you are far from a bad mum for considering expressing, or ff! However we choose feed our babies, what matters is that it works for the babes and for us. There's no bad way to feed a baby. But if you want to investigate a little more before deciding, La Leche and other local bf support is a very good place to start. If you want to make the switch, go for it. You're a good mummy who loves their babies, good luck with whatever you decide to do x

It doesn't make you a bad mum - expressing is a pain. I do think feeding counsellors can be very good though and would be tempted to speak to one or see one first. Maybe wait for the baby blue period to go before making a definite decision?

My baby would not latch either. Spent two weeks trying and expressing. Had scores of mw, hv, lll, bf counsellors trying to help. Almost gave up. Then tried nipple shields. They were miraculous, he latched immediately! Now 11 weeks, EBF and just jump to the percentile above! I would strongly suggest nipple shields for a not-latching baby (I use medela), if anything else have failed.

Whatever you do, do not feel bad. It's not the be all and end all, in spite of what many people would have you believe. It doesn't make you a bad mum if you don't, and if you do, it doesn't mean you're a better mum than someone who didn't.

Congratulations

I do understand how you feel. Do the best for you and everything will fall into place xxx

Simalar story to you with my first 2. Got to that point your at but battered myself into keeping going because "that's what's best".... What is best is that you & your baby are both happy & health. If you wanna keep going because you want to & not for any other reason keep trying, have you tried nipple shields think that's what there called if being unable to fb is up setting you, ff & look at all the benifical. Bf isn't the b all & end all!! Enjoy your baby & good luck

I have been expressing 4-6 times a day for 4 months now. If you don't want to do it then don't. While I am pleased that I have managed to give ds breast milk he is still mix fed because I can't express enough to give him all breast milk and I often find it stressful and a tie, for example expressing if I'm going out and it getting in the way of doing other things. It's great if you feel strongly about wanting to give breast milk but if you don't feel that committed then it will get you down.

You are not a bad mum, I expressed for ds1 who would not latch at all! When ds2 was born he needed formula top ups for medical reasons and my milk had not come in yet, for many reasons we ended up formula feeding and this time I didn't express because it was so hard last time and this time I had ds1 to think about, I would only think you were a bad mum if you didn't feed him at all enjoy him.

congratulations
don't panic - do whatever is the most appropriate to suit what you want and what you can do. I know women who ebf, ff, mixed, expressed, every combination. they all turned out fine. You have just had major surgery, you've got raging hormones and a new baby - everything is bound to seem a bit overwhelming. Whatever you decide will be the best choice for you and your baby because you know best. Maybe your first choice won't work out perfectly straight away; try your next choice. It will be OK

Hi,

I was on the same position when mine was born. She wouldn't latch on, lost weight and ended up with a bit of formula. I expressed for a week, tried to get her to latch and then suddenly at a week old she decided the boob was for her. She's four months now.

I felt like a total failure for that first week.

My advice would be sod whatever anyone else thinks. Keep trying the boob for a while longer, some babies are just slow to learn. And if you do end up formula feeding its fine. It's not the devil's work some people make out.

Tongue tie? Get baby checked.