Colic - please help me.

[Writerwannabe83]

I don't know if this is the right place to post and ask for help but I'm tearful and desperate for support,

My 19 day old baby seems to be suffering from colic and I don't know what to do. His screaming is breaking my heart because he seems to be in so much pain. We started giving Infacol last week which seemed to help but he's screaming again tonight. He usually screams for 2-3 hours before he wears himself out.

The only thing that settles him is when he's at the breast but I can't help worry that by feeding him I'm just making it worse - I hear his stomach gurgling every time he swallows.

When he's at his worst I can't stop crying - I just can't bear to see him so distressed.

I don't know what the purpose of my post is....I just need someone to tell me that things will get better.

Ah, you poor thing It sounds like you are having a really rough time at the moment.

It doesn't last forever and the one consistent fact about babies is that things change, all the time. Colic usually sorts itself out by 4 months ish (sorry that seems a long time away), so it won't be like this forever.

Colic is just the name given to periods of crying that don't have any specific cause ie baby is fed, clean, comfortable, but still cries for several hours. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with feeding and digestion. The NHS page about colic has some useful advice. I would try your GP to see if there are any underlying issues that might be causing the crying. It could be silent reflux for example.

I would also try not to associate feeding with the colic. Your baby feeds across 24 hours but the colic (presumably) is only in the evenings? So feeding is not the cause of the colic. If it settles him to be feeding then let him.

Try and get a break as much as you can. Can someone else take him whilst he is crying and you put earplugs in and sleep? If not your partner, then could a relative/friend come and help out for a couple of evenings to give a you a bit of space from the situation?

Oh love - it's really tough when they're crying. Don't take it personally. It's the only noise they now how to make and even if you can't fix it, being with him helps.

I'm not qualified to diagnose anything, but some more facts may help the experts:

Are you exclusively breastfeeding?

Is baby otherwise well? Good weight gain, good wet/dirty nappies? Is he sick a lot offer feeds?

Any problems with latch? Evidence of tongue tie?

Are you doing lots of winding? It's a myth that bf babies don't need winding. Also, have you tried leg cycling? We got lots of bottom wind out of Dd at this age by cycling legs, lifting legs up and down 90 degree a at the hip and pushing her legs towards her hips while holding her ankles - sort of making her frog legged.

Colic (or unexplained crying) is really common. Some people report success with infacol but only after a few days of consistent use. Other things like colief are well thought of too (I've never used either so can't comment).

What real life help have you had? Any advice as yet from the HV? I presume you've been signed off by the mw.

My only other thought is silent reflux. Is he worse when lying flat on his back?

Also, are you feeding freely on demand?

This may sound like a stupid question but if he's happy at the breast, is he maybe just hungry? Newborn do like to cluster feed. Completely normal and natures way of ensuring you have enough milk (it is NOT a sign that you do not have enough!).

Thank you everyone for your words of comfort and support.

His screaming starts at the same time every night, about 11pm and can last until about 3am. When it was at its worst me and DH didn't get to bed until 06.35am DS has been on antibiotics recently and we thought his upset stomach was down to that, but he's been off them since Tuesday night and still had that episode last night.

DS is exclusively breast fed and my latch has been observed by both a MW and a HV who were both happy. He is putting on weight really well, he has put on 20oz in just over 2 weeks. He is having lots of wet and dirty nappies. He is fed on demand, usually going 2.5-3 hours between feeds but over the last few days he's been cluster feeding and always seems to be on me during the day. My nipples are very sore.

Winding is so difficult. I try and wind him before feeds where he will sometimes burp but winding him after a feed is so hard as he usually falls asleep at the breast. Can sleeping babies be winded? I find at times when I do wind him he will vomit up some milk - it isn't a projectile vomit, it just dribbles out his mouth. We have tried the cycling trick for Winding but when he's screaming he just goes so rigid that it's impossible to bend his legs. When he is lying on his back for nappy changes he will sometimes give the most piercing screams but other times he is fine. Is silent reflux only something that happens at night or would there be symptoms throughout the day too?

I feel exhausted this morning and have cried 3 times already. I just feel so helpless.

I would try a cranial osteopath if there is a good one near you-May or may not help. Worked wonders immediately for my dd after just one 40 min session & was about £40

Try to sleep in the day & get prepared for the crying time & feed a bit upright.

I hated hearing 'it on,y lasts 3 months' as I felt that
I couldn't take another 3 hours. Good luck x

How dos a cranial osteopath help with colic?

It could be silent reflux, as it could be worse at night due to being laid down more. Try tilting his cot so the head end is slightly raised (wedge a thick book under it!).

Also, if your nipples are sore, then there could still be problems with your latch. If you're not already, use plenty of Lansinoh on them which will help. Are there any bfeeding drop ins that you can go to and get someone else to have a look?

You and your DH also need to take it in turns to get some sleep. Obviously it can be tricky if you are bfeeding, but perhaps if you do an early evening feed at 6-7pm ish, your DH can take charge until 9-10ish and you get 3 hrs kip if you can.

Writer, don't assume your baby has colic.

If he is happy and calm and settled when at the breast, then it's highly unlikely he has colic....at 19 days old babies need to be close to their mothers and screaming when they are not is normal. The fact you can hear his stomach gurgling when he feeds is irrelevant - that is also 100 per cent normal :)

Just feed him/have him close to you/on or near the breast. The simplest explanations for crying and screaming are often the correct ones....and for a young baby, the simplest explanation for this sort of behaviour is that he wants to be near you and feeding, on and off.

Writer, I hear so much under-confidence and anxiety in your posts :( It's as if you are trying to work out why things happen that don't fit your picture of what things ought to be like...when changing the picture of what things ought to be might help you :)

Dont feel helpless. Even if he carries on crying, having you near/holding him will be comforting him.

It gets much better.
My DD is 4 months old and used to cry inconsolably for hours at the same time of night as your DS. The worst thing for me was that nothing we did stopped her crying and I was worried that we were making no difference to her. However, I believe that the efforts we made did help her - she was happier crying in our arms than crying by herself iyswim. She still gets very unsettled, but is much better and the best improvement is that when she does start crying holding/singing rocking her cheers her up.

Have you tried music? Putting your favourite song on while you try to comfort him at night will make you feel much better, and may help him as well.

Good luck.

Babies bones are soft & if the birth or pregnancy have any problems the bones have maybe pressures on them or something-they very gently sort of massage or realign bones in the head or something. Sorry this is a completely dumb description of what they do but that's what I saw when I took dd. some people think it's woo woo but I was at the stage where if someone told me to eat a grapefruit while spinning anti clockwise on a full moon I'd have given it a go. I was delighted with it-I had a csection so I didn't think my dd might benefit but CO explained that as she was breech all through pg, that caused issues.

She was able to help her latch on better as well as she felt that there was tension in her jaw. Mine was in NI but since I've known 2 other ladies with v troubled babies who went to her & it made a difference.

To be honest I think both my babies would have screamed between 11pm and 3am if they weren't at the breast/cuddled up with me - that's just normal newborn behaviour isn't it? If your baby stops crying on the breast then he is telling you what he needs.

I wouldn't assume digestive problems, if that's what you mean by colic, just a newborn being a newborn.

Writer I can only echo what Tiktok says - she is very wise and gave me almost identical advice over five years ago when I was BFing my first newborn! I fed him and DC2 for a year each, and am currently BFing newborn DC3 as well, so she definitely gives good advice .

I struggled so much in the early days with DC1 not doing what he 'should' and my life got about 99% easier when I finally let go of the 'should' when he was about 8 weeks.

And yes, feeding 24/7 (or what feels like it) is completely normal - I can't tell you how much I fought against that as he 'should' have been going at least 90 minutes between feeds according to everything I read. With DC2 and 3 I just accepted a degree of nocturnal living and palmed them off on DH/my mum during the day to grab catnaps.

God, I remember so well how much I didn't want to listen to that advice, and how everyone who was posting didn't understand my situation. Turns out they really did (not that I came even close to accepting that until DC2 appeared).

Glad I helped you, possiblyorange, and great you went on to have good experiences :)

Writer, already on this thread you have had several attempts at 'medicalising' your situation - colic, reflux, bones in the skull causing pressure, poor latch, insufficient winding - and yes, none of those could be ruled out as there are many reasons why babies are distressed, and I am not in the least criticising the kind people who have suggested these possibilities.

But the more you compile a list of 'what could possibly be wrong to make my baby scream?' the more you fixate on there having to be a reason.....and I am suggesting there is not reason, apart from the fact your baby is a normal newborn with normal newborn needs,

Yes, your baby is in pain, as you say, but it's not a physical pain (though screaming for 2-3 hours cannot be at all comfortable for him). You are reluctant to give him the response which does settle him (putting him to the breast) because you think you might be making it worse. It is very rare that putting a newborn baby to the breast makes anything worse.....go for it :)

Thanks everyone,

I've just had a shower and a Twix which has helped me feel a bit more normal. My mom is here with me until the end of the week and I just went downstairs to see how her and DS are getting on and he's fast asleep in his Moses basket. He'll be waking up for a feed soon no doubt which I'm dreading as it's the left breast's turn and I have a crack in my nipple which appeared yesterday. Ouch.

evelyn - I also had a c-section but they still had to use forceps as he was quite wedged in me - he did have a funny shaped head as a result when he was born, bless him.

My DH has advised I express some breast milk so he can at least give a bottle overnight to give me some respite. I don't know how I feel about this yet.

tiktok* - thank you so much for all your encouragement. You have actually made me cry. I don't know if you saw a post I put in this Forum a few weeks ago where I spoke about how I felt I'd let my son down from birth - I think that residual guilt and upset still eats away at me.

Writer, I hope you can find someone in real life to share these residual feelings with....I think it may be you feel the need for everything to be 'perfect' and if they are not 'perfect' it's gonna be your fault!! Exhausting.

A bottle of expressed to give you a break may well be really helpful to you - but remember that missing a feed might make you feel (temporarily) uncomfortably engorged, and your baby may want to feed 'direct' as well :) No harm in trying your dh's suggestion, which is a kind one.

Hope the day goes well and you can get some decent help with the crack on your nipple :(

I do feel like everything should be perfect.

I work with new mom's and newborns in a supportive role so I expected I'd be a natural at it. Turns out it's very different now it's my own baby. When I take a step back and think about what advice I'd give to other mothers in my situation I know I'd be just as supportive as you have all been to me, but when I'm looking at the situation as me being the mother I just feel like I'm absolutely clueless.

Writer, you are normal, your baby (as far as I can tell!) is normal, his needs are normal ....that's pretty perfect-sounding to me :)

A degree of cluelessness is 100 per cent normal....but worrying about being clueless is not necessary :)

Thanks Tiktok,

DS has been much more settled today and his feeding has been much more regular although I am panicking that he hasn't had as many feeds as normal. I think I'm destined to always be worrying about something. I wish I could be more like my DH, he is just so calm and relaxed about everything.

DS will hopefully be waking for a feed within the next hour and how he is afterwards will be a good indication as to what kind of night we are going to have. I'm praying so much that it's not a repeat of last night. I'm hoping that as he's been much more settled today, as opposed to yesterday, that we may have a better night. Fingers crossed.

Writer I hope in time you will gain in confidence. You are 'panicking' and 'worrying' because your baby has been more settled. Poor baby can't win

It's great your dh is there for you.

Each day that goes by will help you feel more and more ok.

DS has been an absolute dream tonight. He settled straight away in his Moses Basket after his 10pm feed and is now fast asleep in my arms following his 01.30am feed. There hasn't been a single scream or moment of upset. It's like a different baby and the horror of last night is fading from my memory

You can have endless theories in the search for the reason baby is screaming, however you never really know and in the vast majority of cases they just grow out of it. Horrible at the time though isn't it. The sheer volume can be very stressful and disorienting: try wearing earplugs while it is going on as they will muffle the noise to a more comfortable level but you will still be able to hear your baby. They can stop you going crazy! The silicone ones are the best. Hugs x

Hi just a quick note on infracol. It has to be used before every feed for it to work whether you little one has perfect colic symptoms or not. However it does work wonders with persistance. Glad your sorted without the meds though.

Glad you are having a better night. Justcwondering if you have tried a dummy? It can give you a bit of respite from feeding and some babies are soothed by them. I know they can be discouraged due to nipple confusion, but anecdotally I don't know of this really being a problem. I was anti dummies pre kids but whatever helps is ok by me now!

You are not alone, my dd is currently screeching wheneverbi try to put her down! These babies are experts in getting us to do what they want/need! Never mind 4 months, they will be keeping us on our toes for the next 18 years :-)

writer I am pleased you had a better night. just thought I'd say, if we had had a lot of visitors or s busy day , my lo was just the same. He'd be angry, unsettled and inconsolable. I made sure then that we had quieter days so he and I rested.

Good luck x

Good that things have been better. Like pps have said, all is more than likely normal but harder to acknowledge with ur own babe, hormones & sleep deprivation! I was shocked how calm & great my dh was with our dc when I was a constant blubbering mess-they have their uses ;)

Hope he carries on being settled-earplugs & dummies on hand in case you need them may be good ;)