8 months in and completely fallen out of love with breastfeeding

[waitingforwombat]

Ugh, got to that stage when I feel like I have been breastfeeding for ever, and that I still have ages and ages to go with it. My friends still breastfeeding tend to be of the "blissed out, attachment parenting" types, and those less sold on breastfeeding have now stopped so I feel like I have no one in RL to rant to.

I'm fed up of the relentlessness - bottle refusing DD, so all feeds up to me, giving me no real break. Bedtime always my responsibility (which I find really exhausting after long day) Very jealous of people who can leave their babies with a babysitter and go out... All night feeds my responsibility - and now my first reaction when I hear her stirring in the night is one of real resentment...

And fed up of lots of other little things - leaky boobs, breast pads, rubbish bras, thinking about what I can wear and feed in, constantly being touched (which is starting to mean I can't stand DH touching me either), DD very variable about night feeds - so real problems with secondary engorgement and recurrent blocked ducts when she goes a long spell overnight, the realities of feeding an easily distractable wriggly older baby.

I absolutely adore my 8 mo DD, and am completely sold on the benefits of breastfeeding. I just wonder if it is sometimes "sold" as tough to get started, but amazing once you have got it sorted, and that just hasn't been the reality for me, and I feel "disloyal" to the breastfeeding contingent to have a good rant about how it isn't an endless walk in the park of snuggly, convenient, hormone bliss.....

Feeling like a rubbish, selfish mummy for even feeling these things, but really needed to have a good rant about it. Please tell me I'm not the only one....

i know what you mean. my baby is just over a year and i'm very glad we've got this far but i'm increasingly excited about the idea of stopping in the not too distant future. can your husband do bedtime? my partner took over in that department a few months ago and it's been so nice to put the older one to bed and then stroll down for a cup of tea while he deals with screechy whingebag. it was grim for a couple days listening to her scream at him but between them theybcracked it very quickly and she's close to being able to go to sleep on her own now i think.

Time to wean.

Seriously, get your DH to give babe a bottle and start feeding more solids. 8 months is perfect. My dd weaned off the boob at 9 months when she was eating about 1 kg food a day!

You need to have your own space and body back.

Give babe massages every night before bath to settle her, and then every morning. Get your DH to do this too, lots of skin on skin time with him will help her transition from skin = boobs and milk, to skin = comfort and security.

You've done a brilliant job. Time to get back to yourself now, and emphasise how touched out you feel to your DH, (esp how it kills desire) so he can see the benefit of him being more active with your dd :)

If you don't want to do it, then stop! It's not the law!

feel exactly the same. nearly 8mo as well. and a two year old who still has a morning feed. I'm not going to stop but I do dream about it sometimes. especially after dreadful nights of leaking or constant feeding.

I agree that there becomes an expectation to "love" it. I don't every meal I eat or give them so sometimes I think of bf like that too.

no real suggestions but I'm supporting your rant.

Having fed two past this point, I think you are now getting to the easier bit. As the amount of solids they eat increases, the number of milk feeds in the day can drop. Which means you are no longer responsible for every feed and can pop out for more an a few hours at a time.

However, if you really fancy stopping and she won't take a bottle, have you tried offering her milk in a cup instead?

Bedtime doesn't have to be your responsibility either. You can give her a feed before bedtime then hand her over for getting dressed, brushing teeth and actually being put to sleep while you slob out in front of the telly.

Was going to say pretty much exactly what noblegiraffe said.

Thank you all I don't really want to stop, ideally I'll keep going until she is 2- I just needed a bit of a sanity injection that it does get better, and its not completely unheard of to feel like this.

Sadly husband is often not home from work for bedtime, and even on the nights he is DD much prefers me (a real routine lover who gets cross at the wrong person doing bedtime!)

I suppose at my worst moments I feel terribly heartless for feeling like this about something that is portrayed as so loving and nurturing - really helpful to know the reality is that others find it tiresome too at times! Feeling a bit more rational after a lovely afternoon with DD including a very relaxed feed with her smiling up at me and patting boob appreciatively and then getting a lovely slobbery kiss - it can be blissful sometimes! Poocatcher and mindalina - I'm happy to join you in dreaming about stopping for now, and embrace reality that isn't quite picture book perfect....

oh yes and dd2 is def eating more so she will go longer soon.

not really as Im blatantly feeding the baby

yes! definite decrease in number of feeds per day over the last couple of weeks as food intake has swung up. mine is just over thirteen months and now we do first thing in the morning and before bedtime obv, and maybe two or three feeds during the day. unimaginable a month ago, i was starting to feel very suffocated. periods came back a few months ago as well and i hate hate hate feeding when ive got my period, makes me really irritable and not want to be touched at all by anyone ever .
no you're definitely not alone

In my experience, 9 months was when it got easy, not 6 (as everyone said). Though maybe "easy" isn't the right word.

My DD also refused all bottles, BUT, around this age I realised other things could soothe her. In the day DP would take her out with a yoghurt or a cup of water, some fruit to play with /eat. At night, he would go through to her for cuddles - not all the time, maybe every other time she woke (over time this has moved to him doing all night time wakings - we stopped night feeds at 14 months). Initially I was so anxious and thought that she wouldn't settle for anything but my milk, but in our case, this turned out not to be true. Perhaps you could go out one night and let DH try bedtime and see what happens? You may find your baby is more adaptable than you think.

Or - you may not - and some babies do want the milk more than anything else.

• sorry, have just seen DH is not around for bedtime - well, you may find it harder without milk anyway in that case. Sometimes I find bf is the lazy option.

You have done a fabulous job. You really have. It is ok to stop.

If you do keep going, it DOES get easier. We did almost everything at my baby's pace, and she naturally dropped to 2/3 feeds by 12 months, we did stop the night feeds ourselves at 14 months but she accepted it fine, currently at 18 months it's just a cuddle/feed in the morning if I'm around and that's all. My body is my own, I wear normal bras normal clothes, can go away overnight, go out whenever I want. It's just a lovely extra now.

But I do remember the feelings of resentment and tiredness - you are not alone.

Have a and a well done from me

I am completely in the same boat with my 9 month old. Bottle refuser! I would stop if he would drink milk in any other form. Bottle cup etc formula expressed.... It's fine when he has a good solid day but when he doesn't he wants to feed all night. Exhausting as I'm back at work and he has been unwell (colds etc) every other week affecting his food. Zzzz

Your post really struck a chord with me today as I'm having a bf wobble at the moment! I'm 5.5 months in so not as far as you but am also feeling fed up of having massive boobs, only wearing bf friendly clothes etc. I've also found that although the feeding itself doesn't hurt ( snd is really lovely! ), my boobs have been continually tender and sore since I started bf to the point where I can't sleep on my front or even do any exercise which bounces them! I had tried to cut down on bf and introduce more formula but every time I do I also suffer horribly from blocked ducts etc so I feel that even if I did want to stop bf altogether it would be such agony that I can't face that either!

Apologies, this isn't very helpful but needed to get it off my chest and also reassure you that you're not alone in having these feelings! You're doing a great thing for your baby but if you want to stop then do- perhaps give it a couple of weeks and see how you're feeling about it all?

Tired the tender/sore feeling definitely gets better with time, hang in there.

You are not the only one, OP! DD is nearly 8mo and I'm so grateful that breastfeeding has worked for us and she has done so well on it. I am very glad I breastfed. But my GOD, I am fed up with it! For completely selfish reasons. I am fed up with feeling like my body is just a baby-serving machine, having stupidly huge boobs and just feeling chained to the baby. Also, nursing bras are the most hideous things in the world. I think it's a big part of why I'm still really struggling to feel like myself, so long after she was born. I really want a bit of me back. Feel horribly selfish for writing all this - I haven't even been through the problems you've had, OP - am just over it!