Giving up BF? Really unsure - please help

[Lucy1977]

Hi everyone

I got so much support when DD was around 4wks on, such good advice that got me through the sore nipples, breast thrush etc. DD is now 27 wks and up until 2 wks ago she was excl bf. 2 wks ago DH gave her a bottle of formula before her bed to give me a bit of a break (had lots of personal problems recently) and it's a habit we kept going. I had felt for a few weeks that my boobs never ever feel full, in fact I'm a size smaller than before I was pregnant and I've got really tiny boobs. I know DD has become more distracted recently but I have been spending so much of my day constantly trying to give her more boob as she only seems to feed for a couple of minutes and then come off. This means I'm practically feeding all day long. She wakes 3 or 4 times at night as well and I'm shattered. I feel really mixed up at the moment - part of me thinks I should put her on bottles of formula in the day as DD has never gone longer than 2 hours without a feed during the day or if I should persevere with the BF.

Anyone got any advice to share? Is it possible that my supply is drying up because of that bottle of formula before her bed?

DD started solids a wk ago but she hasn't really eaten anything which is making me more paranoid about my milk, I know it's early days for the food but at the moment it seems like she'll never eat food :-(

Sorry to go on, feeling a bit down at the moment from sleep deprivation and personal probs.

Lucy
DD 27 wks

you poor thing , BF is sucj and emotive subject , i htink it pulls at our most deep rooted fear that we might not be avery good mother, you have done so well, but reeally and truley if you are feeding every 2 hrs at 27 weeks you must be absolutely knackered...are you getting any help from your HV , or does your area have a breast feeding councellor/midwife who could help. I found it very difficult but if you want a non professional opinion I would start to think about wether you can really carry on as you are...at 27 weeks dd could sleep thru with out afeed at all. have you tried extending the period between feeds so she latches on for longer and feeds for longer ? it might be htat you are feeding/offering boob every grizzle when she doesn't always need it ( please please please that is not a critisim just a suggestion ) i had such problems bf i do know how you are feeling.

oops should read "such an emotive subject"

Hi MD

I didn't take what you said as criticism - it's true, I do offer boob too much, this stems from the beginning when I didn't have a clue about bf and DD cried so much but didn't when she was on my breast. I don't have any family support esp regarding the bf so I've kind of muddled on with this pattern until now when #i find myself so emotional at the prospect of giving up.

when i try to space the feeds longer DD still only feeds for a few minutes, her tummy must be tiny as she struggles to finish the 4oz of formula in the bottle. She weighs 15lb 9oz - do you think thats average? HV has never been concerned with the weight though.

I should mention it to the hv perhaps but last time I said the feeding was so tiring she said said "it's not like you have anything else to do" (I'm still on maternity leave and live 500 miles from my family)

sorry for being on such a downer,

Lucy

You poor thing, what a lot going on at the moment. A couple of things that may be worth thinking about - do you want to stop bf? If not, don't - if you do then start to wean her onto more solids (mixed with your expressed breast milk so she likes the taste), and add in extra formula milk. It may be that now she has reaslied how easily she gets milk from the bottle (its apparently easier to get but who knows how they do these studies....) she is getting frustrated with bf. In which case try expressing and then feeding her your bm from a bottle (and DH can give her some of the night feeds so you can get some sleep. What's her weight like? If she's gaining weight there's no problem with your milk - your breasts get more efficient the longer you bf for so they don't seem as full but actually are which is wierd .
She will eat food eventually, she just may not like it at the moment - what are you trying her on? My nephew (now 4.5) refused to eat babyrice, just went straight to purreed veg, but my DS (2) loved baby rice. It may also be as you are concerned about her food intake, she's not getting hungry so not eating the solids - althugh you may feel she's not getting a huge amount, (and probably not getting the richer hind milk) she's probably getting more than you think.
May also be that she's picking up on your low mood (coming across very strongly in your post sweetie) and is worried about her Mummy (my DS picks up when I'm having a bad day - I had PND) and was always more grizzly, clingy etc when I was low.
I would also suggest speaking to your HV and asking for support/advice particularly with your mood, as I know from experience that PND creeps up on you when you think you're OK. Take it easy, and try not too worry too much

OOOHHHH am SOOOOO MAD how dare the HV tell you you have nothing else to do - thats awful.

SC - it was just before we started the bottle of formula that I thought my supply was going, is it normal for my boobs to always be so floppy? (I got used to those nice full ones!) I have always had a painful let down, now it seems to take longer before the let down happens as well.

Could weight loss be a contributor?

thanks

Lucy

Oh no, I'm sorry for sounding in a really low mood, I'm just so very tired - I'm not really this down in real life - must just be me not putting enough emphasis on bits in my posts.

I don't think I have PND, just find the feeding so emotional and it took me so long to get settled with it in the beginning that now I'm contemplating giving up I find it hard to make a decision.

Thanks
Lucy

Lucy - this may make you feel better - your story is also my story! My dd2 is also 27 weeks this week and is exclusively bf - I haven't started weaning yet but am in the next couple of days.

I think I am going to stop doing the night feeds as I think this is making dd2 'fussy' during the day - I also have the faffing that you are having. I don't think dd2 actually needs or wants feeding during the night - she moans as she is on her tum - so I pick her up and then think "Well, I'm awake I may as well feed you!" So from tonight I am not going to feed her unless she is screaming her head off - which I think is highly unlikely - hopefully I will get better and longer feeds during the day - I'll report back to let you know how I get on.

at the HV - cheeky cow! I'm also on maternity leave and have a 22 month old dd1 (she does goes to Nursery 3 days a week) but I'm hardly painting my toenails watching Trisha!

Also my dd2 is 15.7lbs - so similare to your lo.

It is quite normal for your boobs not to feel 'full' - there is still milk there.

cannot believe the c**p HV spew out, you poor thing, i did the same boob thing with both my dds just wantedthem to be contented so offered it every time they wimpered.! my dd2 who was a better bf gave it up at 5 months too. just lost interest, we had been giving late evening bottles since birth and i htink gradually she worked out it was much easier to suck it from a bottle ...i cried my eyes out ( and i am no a very emotional person) . your boobs to stop feeling full around 4 months or so of bf because your body works out to produce ht emilk as baby feeds so you don't go around with huge boobs full of milk "just in case" but oyur supply might be lessening as she is only feeding for short periods nad therefore sending your brain messages that you only need a little bit produced. also more likely you are tired out and if you are not eating enough than that can certainly be affecting things.

Oh good glad you're not as low as you sound, that's a relief! Hard decision to make - I agonised about it (at 12 weeks after 6 weeks of mastitis/thrush/cracked nipples and expressing for 4 minutes after every attempt to keep the supply going) and beat myself up about it for the next year... BUT you have done fantastically well, whatever you decide its the right decision for you both.

It's very easy to get into the habit of offering the boob at the least grizzle, but it does sound as if you might want to try to leave it longer between feeds. If she wants to suck you could try a dummy - I know they're not popular, I didn't want any of my children to have one, but to be honest i gave in and it was a godsend.

If you secretly want to give up, but find it hard to admit to in the pro breast feeding era - sod what everyone else thinks and do whats right for you. If you don't want to give up, then persevere.

Another contraversial suggestion is to put the baby into her own room at night. I found when my babies slept with me that I picked them up for a feed loads more as I didn't want them to really wake themselves by getting to the crying stage. When they moved into their own room at about 6 weeks (yes, I know) they slept better and after a couple of days of getting used to it, so did I.

Remember Happy mums make for happy families.

I agree with what others have said about boobs not feeling full after b/f few months mine dont even feel full in the mornings now. \my boobs seem smaller now too I'm a 34a I even grown too small for my b/f bras so I just wear underwired ones now. i'd like to encourage you to persevere because you've come thru the hardest time of it, I found it gets easier from 6 months on cos of starting solids, thankfully cos like you i was exhausted after so many wakings for so long. My dd had wind with babyrice, so i gave her plain yogurt to begin which she loves, then of course at 6 months you can progress onto mash, sweet potato, banana which are all quite filling. At nearly 6 months my dd went from feeding 3 or 4 times a night to once after 2 or 3 days of yogurt at teatime. Like last post I also found moving dd into own room helped a lot too my dd started to sleep through with a combination of these two suggestions within a couple of weeks. Then you could gradually reduce the formula if you wanted to. Give it another week or two to give solids a chance and then see how you feel. But be confident you do have enough milk. My dd is now 10 months and I am still b/f 2x am and 1 b4 bed.

hi Lucy some great advice on here but just wanted to add that I am like you too constantly knackered mainly due to night feeds. I only offer DD2 a boob every 3 hours during the day although sometimes she has to wait and sometimes she has one sooner depending on what we are doing. She is 29 weeks now btw. She has only recently started taking a few solids sometimes only a few spoonfuls or half a carrot etc.

My boobs also never feel full and are floppy but DD2 must be getting enough milk as she is a complete milk fiend and a big girl she was 17lbs at 4 months last time I had her weighed. I agree the night feeds are really draining. I gave her a dummy as she was using me for comfort and with DD1 who was 18 months around I couldn't do it. If she wakes in the night she gets a dummy to settle her and only as a last resort she gets a feed, hopefully I will cut this out as she has gone back to 2 feeds a night.

She will start to get more interested in food it's very early days, have you tried her with finger foods yet, DD2 loves these, toast and carrot are her favs so far.

It's up to you whether to continue with the bottle of formula, I would try and space her feeds out a bit more maybe start with 2 1/4 hours then up to 3 hours.

I know it's really hard especially when you are so tired, DD1 slept through at 6 weeks and was never really hungry for a feed what a shock I got when DD2 came along.

Lucy, if you don't want to give up BF, don't. I doubt switching to formula would solve any problems unless you really want to stop. My ds also fed frequently, I know how tiring it can be!

You said that you offer feeds quite often - what happens if you let dd take the lead? If she only feeds for a few minutes before getting distracted, have you tried feeding lying down or in a darkened room, perhaps when she's tired? Also, it may be that she's just thirsty sometimes and only wants a quick drink. TBH I don't think 2 hours between feeds is that bad, especially if you think about how often you want a snack or a cup of tea.

At 6mths I moved ds to his own room to see if that would help with night waking - it didn't, he woke just as often but as I was having to go all the way into his room to feed him (he wouldn't settle any other way and I wasn't going to fight with him) I was getting exhausted. To the point where I just couldn't get up in the night anymore. So we started co-sleeping for half the night and we all slept much better from then on. I wouldn't be too harsh about stopping the night feeds unless your dd accepts it easily. She still might require those feeds, especially if she is too distracted to take much during the day.

Please don't worry about solids, your dd will be getting all she needs from her milk, and it can take quite a while to get the hang of it. My ds is 16mths and has only recently really developed an appetite for solid foods. Even now though some days he isn't interested at all. Just keep offering things when you eat and she will get the idea.

If you have managed to get this far , have a look at this - I always find kellymom very reassuring when I am lacking confidence in my boobs! Keep posting and let us know how you get on

Also meant to say well done for getting this far

Lucy - reporting back after my first night of going 'cold turkey'. Dd2 went to bed just before 9pm - had her first boob at 7pm - slept downstairs and then had the second boob at 8.30ish - she then went to bed asleep.

I prewarned dp of my plan of action - as I was prepared for a sleepless night.

Dd2 then grizzled from 3.45 - 4.30, had her head stroked, ahhed etc. She moaned for a bit more and then did fall back to sleep and awoke at 7am - yay, no night feeding! She then had a big 1/2 hour feed - unheard of and has now been asleep since 9.20.

Hopefully, she will have some big feeds during the day and that may mean that she will sleep through - we'll see - I'm not counting my chickens yet though.

Thought I would let you know how I got on. HTH

Hi everyone

Thanks for all your replies and advice.

HM - wow, that is fantastic progress that you made! I will try your tactics with DD tonight.

I am hoping I wont jinx things by telling you all but Thursday was a huge turning point. DD ate some readybrek for breakfast then ate a rice cake, avocado and banana for lunch (only about 2 ice cubes worth) and then ate sweet potato and grated cheese for dinner. We were out and about during the day so I wasn't able to offer her the boob as often as I usually do and she didn't seem to want it either. She went down at 8pm (fell asleep on boob) and slept until 5.30am! I ged her and she slept til 7am.

Pretty much she's been doing the same since Thurs night. She seemed like she had grown alot and advanced when I got her up on Friday - she now pushes herself backwards when she's on her tum and she's been saying Dada and Bababababab over the weekend. Was this a growth spurt? She's taking her solids a lot better now although she makes if VERY clear if she doesn't like something!

Thanks again everyone for your support, I've decided to continue with the BF during the day and carry on giving the one bottle of formula before bed. I've been really emotional coming to this decision but I'm now very happy with it and DH is very supportive. I've really happy to be continuing all other bfs, it's just that wee break at night that helps me.

Lucy

Glad you seem to have had a better time of it. Maybe the fact that you feel a bit more empowered after this has made a difference too.
It is normal for your boobs not to feel full now as your milk supply has settled down to your babies demands.
Well done you for keeping it going, only give up if you want to not becasue you think it would be easier, I know someone who decided to stop BF cause she thought it would solve all her problems and her baby never slept anymore on formula than before.