How on earth do you leave the house???

[KahloSherman]

Hi all, new here but a long-time lurker.

I have a 4 week old DS who is ebf. He's got some trouble with gas and we're still trying to get our heads round, well everything really - he's not the greatest sleeper and can be quite fussy at times. I had an emcs that I'm still recovering from and haven't left the house much and not feeling very confident - actually downright anxious. For example yesterday I went for a short walk with DS In his pram, took dog and my mum for moral support. I made sure DS was not 'due' a feed (roughly 2-3 hours at this point) and checked to see if he was hungry before he left - he had a quick snack but just seemed sleepy, so into the pram and off we went. 10 mins into the walk he started screaming, ended up going to my mums that was fortunately close, where he fed like a demon for an hour! I found it all really stressful and I'm worried about e.g. how will I get to my 6 week checkup? I see and read about people going out shopping, meals, baby clubs etc with their LOs but I feel like I will never manage any of this! When I was pregnant I imagined peaceful afternoons in cafes with friends and just feel so anxious and confused. Am I alone??

I remember being terrified of bf'ing in public but after a couple of times I realised no one even noticed me and I got more confident.

As they get older you also get more confident of changing them and of course they get bigger and more robust so you don't panic about handling them quite so delicately.

The only thing I can say is to keep forcing yourself out so you can learn from your experiences.

Good luck!

A further question: presumably when out and about you sometimes have to cut a feeding short, eg if you're feeding when in a waiting room. I haven't had to do this before - will LO be upset and will it throw him out of his feeding routine? Sorry for all the mithering!

I have a 5 year old, 2.5 year old and an EBF 8 week old! Going out can be daunting! But you just need to take everything one step at a time. To start with go to places with plenty of cafes so that if you need to stop and feed you don't have far to travel.

Invest in a good sling so if baby gets fussy and you know they have fed well recently you can pop them in, have your hands free and hopefully they will sleep.

Regarding the sling I promise it won't just miraculously unravel on you! It takes quite a lot for a sling to come undone and even then you would notice before baby became unsafe.

You could always invest in something like a Beco butterfly or Ergo which is easy to pop on as its buckles and you will feel more secure.

TBH I put my "fuck it" head on and decided my ds's needs were greater than some hypothetical old fart who couldn't keep their eyes in their head. We got to 15 months (although the last 4 were only breakfast and bedtime so no public feeding) and never once had a comment wherever we were - church, cafes, park benches, trains etc.

You have the legal right to breastfeed wherever and whenever your child needs it. You do not need to cover up (although many dc get nosy and need the world blotted out for them) unless that's what you want to do.

Victoria Sling Lady or Moby on YouTube will have tutorials (actually I think most commercial makers do, so look up your brand) on how to use your sling, and try www.slingmeet.co.uk or www.ruckingmarvellous.co.uk to see if there is a meet near you so you can meet other like-minded mums.

And definitely use any means possible to get to breast-feeding group

Hi Kahlo, first of all well done - none of this is easy.

I had an EMCS too and I barely left the house for the first 6 weeks. I was tired, emotional, sore and felt quite fragile most of the time! My DH came with me the first few times we went out and he did nappy changes etc.

At 5 weeks a very kind neighbour with a slightly older baby took me to a BF groups, I was so nervous (& also hot and sweaty and felt seven times my usual size!!!!) but it was SO great and such a help to me. Almost 6 months later I'm still going and getting on brilliantly.

IME, expressing is exhausting in the beginning and not really necessary unless you have to leave the baby. Enlist your Mum to call round so she can take sleeping baba and you can rest. Eat as much as you can, drink loads of water and keep snacks nearby at night. Those first few weeks are so energy sapping.

I found that once I got over the fumbly stage of feeding in public, it was a breeze. Seek out places with a quiet space (especially for when baby gets older and nosier) and feed there.

People sometimes forget that a C Section is major abdominal surgery. It takes time to recover. Plus the emergency side of it takes its toll too. Give yourself a break, you are doing great. The world will still be there when you're ready to go out and about into it.

Enjoy your precious baba because time flies by all too quickly. Best of luck!

Hi eagle - I do feel fragile about the emcs, especially after it followed 3 days of labouring at home including a few hours in my lovely birthing pool before it all ground to a halt. I was then in hospital for 5 days due to horrendous pain and bowel issues . Thank you for making me feel less alone x

Kahlo, I totally feel your pain. I laboured for 22 hours and in the end DS was stuck in my pelvis and "stargazing". When his oxygen levels dropped, a section was the only choice. It ended up being under general anaesthetic.

I was totally miserable in the hospital, I felt so cheated by the birth especially that neither myself nor my DH were awake/there when our darling son was born. For weeks afterwards I felt a bit let down by my body and I was so scared of my scar and of hurting myself.

It does get easier every day but it took me a very long time to feel comfortable in myself and it's probably only now that I feel relatively normal again.

What helped me was lots of time with my gorgeous little guy and also BFing helped me regain my lost faith in my body.

Hope you feel better and stronger every day x

kahlo well done. Going out after a long time in and with a new baby is hard. I didn't go out much in the first few months. Home was so much easier. Dd (3) is 8 months now and we've kinda cracked it. (3 weeks travelling in Egypt honed skills nicely. )
It takes time and small steps. You've just had a major opp and have an baby to care for, be kind to yourself
I couldn't use the pram. Hated it, felt all wrong (i tried for several weeks) at 6 week i started using sling for short walks (library, clinic, bf cafe) and slowly stretched the distance. By 3 months i could get on the bus into the city.
Never had sling fall off! i did learn to feed in the stretchy... practice at home. In my experience if you're demand feeding stopping a feed is not an option. I tried it once and dd was demanding loudly till she got what she wanted again very quickly! !!
Oh i also run on baby time a lot. Do things round her naps/ feed ( naps would be every 90 min max at 4 weeks ) Oh yer andIit's ok to be late everywhere. ..

Kahlo - glad you found my post helpful. IME stopping in the middle of a feed was often ok, especially if you could then start again soon, eg after going from waiting room into doctor's room. Sometimes nothing was ok even if you try feeding. I took some months to build up walking again - a daily walk helped both my physio and ds to snooze. I found it helpful to keep everything I needed in the buggy - spare key, some cash, nappies, wipes, spare clothes for us both, food for me, so when necessary I really could just add baby and walk out the door.

I figured about 4 times in 5 an adventure out would go well, 1 in 10 would be a bit of a disaster, and budgeted accordingly. :) Actually quite similar with 5 year olds...

Hope you feel better soon.

Hi. I'd like to add it's not just bf mums who get anxious! My DS is 6 weeks and ff. I had an EMCS and didn't leave the house for a month. Been out a couple of times now on my own and I'm shit scared of feeding him when out. Have timed previous outings around his feeds. He is very sicky and usually at home it takes 15 mins to feed him but a further 30 to burp him sufficiently and then he is still almost always sick a little bit once I lay him down flat.

I can't imagine how I will make an appointment - for example dr or dentist, what if he needs feeding at the time of my appt, do I feed him beforehand to make sure he doesn't need it while in the waiting room? He screams his head off when I take the bottle away to burp him until he's had all his bottle.. I couldn't stop mid feed. Hopefully wi get easier... I keep telling myself it's early days

Doodle, I appreciate that having a baby and being out and about is a challenge for any mother, but breastfeeding mothers often experience what you are going through but much more.
Having to physically feed your baby with a part of your body that feels intimate and private is a challenge for most new breastfeeding mothers.
Ever had that dream where you are naked running down the street- well for many breastfeeders, it's that same fear. Exposing your nipples in a public place takes some courage, and many women feel a sense of shame or guilt, hide themselves away in toilets or cars to feed or not venturing out at all.
New breastfeeding mothers can feel vulnerable for that reason.
So while I don't dismiss the difficulties you face, for many women breastfeeding in public is a huge challlenge and need support.

It will get easier, it really will, it is still very early days. Before I had DD, I did not like getting my boobs out in front of the cat, so breast feeding was hideous for me, but after a while I just did not care. I always wore a long cardigan and use to be discrete, by covering my DD up under my cardigan. It will soon be the easiest thing ever.

Ha! I just gave in. Dd breasted for 23hours a day from 3-8 weeks.

I just did everything with her attached to my breadt, including walking out of the front door, down the street, at the bus stop etc!

It was crazy but once her tongue tie was clipped it became miraculously easy and then next ten months were grand.

Congratulations

I remember the first time I ventured out with DS (another EMCS here) and the shock to the system at how much stuff we needed to take. Eight months on - still breastfeeding - it's second nature. You just need to be kind yo yourself, take it easy and practise in places you feel happy or safe to feed, to start with. Ditto the sling. I adore my mei tai and it offers a great walking workout, now DS is heavier.

Congratulations on your bubba and getting to the four week mark. In another month you will be a pro at whipping out the boob and feeding on the fly (if you want to.)

Even if you use a sling you can still take the pram with you on an outing as it is handy to stick all your stuff in, you can change baby in it if you can't find a baby-change area, you can put the baby in there while you are getting ready to feed and you can also position the pram in front of you to feel like you have a bit more privacy.

Get some suitable feeding clothes - nothing fancy, a vest (to pull down) and a loose top (to pull up) at fine. The only way to get comfortable is to just do it. Honestly - no one is watching!

I have huge boobs and am often told how discreet I am when feeding in public. Your baby's head covers everything. Practice in front of a mirror to see what others can see.

M&S are very helpful to new mums, and Costa tend to be good too. I've never been moved on for using a table for ages.

I second PPs' ideas to keep your bag packed and be ready to get out as soon as a feed has finished. Baby doesn't need to be wrapped up for arctic temperatures. A sling is great if you can manage to carry baby with your stitches and soreness.

Congratulations!

actually my take is that you should view bf as a way to get out of the house!!
you can go anywhere at anytime and know you can instantly feed/comfort your babe.....
imagine trying to get out the house and faff with bottles too!! much easier just to whip boob out.
i have 5 wk old dc2 and often answer door/go for walk/read to dc1 etc with baby attached to boob. sooooo much easier!!