How do I get my (almost) 2 year old to stop bfing?

[MyMILisfromHELL]

I've had ENOUGH! As much as I (did) love breastfeeding & I'll miss it & be sad to say farewell to DS's 'babyhood', it's making me depressed & I'm physically & mentally exhausted by the constant demand of breastfeeding.

I have no outside support. DH works very long hours. So it's just me doing all of the parenting, essentially.

I can't bear the thought of letting DS self wean. I can't handle much more sleep deprivation. I've co-slept with him out of sheer desperation as he hasn't been a great sleeper, unlike his elder sibling.

It's not as simple as offering a cup of milk. He doesn't like the taste of any milk except mine. I'm not even sure milk is very important as a source of nutrition beyond 18 months to be honest.

How do I do this? Please help!

Hi
He bf to sleep for naptime, then bf in the afternoon around 3ish, then bf for at least an hour at bedtime which around 7. I usually tell him enough & that it's bedtime & he'll turn over & go to sleep on his own, but only when he's ready. Then he feeds every hour from around midnight til 6 when he wakes.

I don't offer (only at bedtime) but he keeps asking for it. He's a good eater generally, but lately his appetite has been more for bm. He's a big, healthy boy. I just think he's become emotionally over attached to the boob & using it to pacify himself. I'm over it now. I really am.

How would you feel if he only wanted daytime feeds?

I Think 2 is a good age to try night weaning, which you'd probably best to do first anyway. If you have a look on Kellymom website you'll find some good information on night weaning. You may need to have help from your partner on this though.

You must be so tired. If you night wean first and then think about how you feel.

Don't worry about milk as long as he has dairy in his diet he'll be fine.

I was in an almost identical situation to you about six months ago which similar aged dc2. I was run down and ill and still feedinf frequently during the night.

I had an infection and couldn't take the antibiotics I needed to so that was my motivation. I had stopped feeding during the day and tried 'dont offer dont refuse' but in the end we went cold turkey. I feed dc2 the last feed that morning and told her no more milk from mummy and just stopped. First night was really hard, lots of crying from her, I had to keep zipped up with big jumpers and wore them to bed too as we co slept.

I had sore boobs for a couple of days but just lightly pumped a couple of times, not too much as didn't want to stimulate milk production and was fine.

The first few nights were tricky but she readjusted much more easily than I thought and I thought I could have done it before but the fear of not knowing what stopping would be like stopped me.

Dc2 now eats really well, didn't when I was breast feeding as she was filling up on milk and I'm much happier too.

Good luck.

I think you will just have to say no!!

I would night wean first, at 2yo he can go all night without needing milk, so just offer water of he wakes.

Are you co-sleeping? That probably is not helping if so.

Mind you I am a bit more of the no nonsense school of parenting

I went totally cold turkey with my 20month old who was still feeding at night.. It took 3 nights. The first was Awful, he basically had a tantrum for about 4 hours, ended up pushing him in buggy to sleep.. Second night better and Dh went into him, 3rd night woke once I gave him water and he went back to sleep!
You have to be really determined I think and prepared for no sleep.. And make sure you hand express a lot to get the milk out
It improved my DS sleep massively once I stopped..

Good luck!

Thank you for your replies. I have tried night weaning, but to no avail. DS gets very distressed & I worry about dh waking (he sleeps in DS's bedroom - that's another story)

I think I need to be a bit tougher. Dh says he'll look after ds for a couple of nights when he's off & dc1 & should go away for those nights. Not sure if I should do that, it would make the (night) weaning more distrustful for ds perhaps? He refuses to drink water during the night but maybe he'll accept it from dh if he does the night weaning.

If ds bf daytime only, I think I'd still want to stop as I feel 2 years of bf is surely enough. I feel I've had enough ofbf & he's been quite lucky, actually, some babies never get a drop of their mother's milk.

I can just see myself or dh rocking ds in the buggy on night one. And then trying to get him to lie in his 'big boy bed' is a whole other issue. Maybe he'll be receptive to the idea when he's weaned. It'll get worse before it gets better, I guess.

distressful not distrustful

You should feel really proud that you have bf for nearly 2 years and if you want to stop, just stop.

Yes it will be difficult for the first couple of nights but in the long run so worth it. I don't think you will succeed with night weaning if he is right next to you though so could you go in the spare room for a night or two and your dh kip in with him?

Once he has gone through the night without needing milk I would then get him into his own bed asap. Just make the decision and stick to it, even if you are up and down 50 times for the first night it will be worth it!!

I can't imagine it is doing your marriage much good if dh is in a different room every night!!

We nightweaned in desperation using a bottle which I increasingly watered down. I fretted at the time to introduce a bottle aged 2 - it seemed really regressive - but it really worked for us.

I night weaned my dd at this age. I sat her down and explained to her that when it was dark she could have cuddles but no milk from me. It took about 3 nights for her to really get it but it worked for us.

I would wait till your oh has some time off work, or you're not worried about waking him up in the night.

Hi, I'm still bf DD who just turned 2. She feeds at bedtime and then first thing in the morning. During the day she generally doesn't ask for it, and if she does, she's usually just thirsty and happy to take a cup of water instead.

I was where you are about 6 months ago with the constant night feeding. I decided that between bedtime and 5am, there would be no boob so just refused between these times. It was very hard for the first few nights but she understands now and doesn't ask. She did cry quite a bit to begin with though; I'm not sure that can be avoided. I offer water too, just in case she's thirsty. We cosleep too so it is possible to night ween when you're in the same bed. If she wakes at night, she usually just wants a cuddle. Like others say, maybe night weening and getting more sleep first would be easier than going cold turkey on the whole lot?

We used something like this for night weaning DS1, involved a bit of distress but not too much and lots of daddy cuddles - worked v well:
drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

just came on to recommend exactly same as leedy

Thanks for all the fantastic advice.

Ds doesn't like drinking water much & prefers diluted fruit juice. Bit of a pain! I do have a bottle with a latex teat that he seems to enjoy drinking from, but I only offer it now & again. He drinks from a Tommee Tippee cup usually.

We were out all day, so no bfing at all during the day. Ds fell asleep in the buggy on the afternoon school run. He took an age to go to sleep tonight though. I did offer him a yogurt during story time, so hopefully he'll sleep a bit better tonight.

Am going to look into night weaning first & then stopping maybe the morning & leave the evening bf for last. I really couldn't bf another year, even if it were only twice a day. I feel it's time. I've done well to get to this stage. Thanks for the praise btw, as a bfing mother, that's something you don't really get in RL.

Please excuse the typos