Expressing for DH to feed baby

[PorkPieandPickle]

DH has been desperate to feed our 6.5wk DD. I have been expressing off and on for a week or so. The first attempt was so he could give me a good nights sleep, but it didn't go greatly as I hadn't thought about the fact that my boobs would still produce that milk, and I ended up stood in the kitchen half an hour after he fed her, crying, leaking milk all over the floor while sterilising my pump!!

So this evening decided to have a leisurely bath and he could do a feed, then I could just pump some off after the bath, and go to bed refreshed and relaxed- but seriously, how relaxing is it to listen to dd screaming while he warms a bottle up? Feeling guilty, knowing I could feed her straight away? It doesn't sit well with me

Has anyone else felt like this? I am just not cut out for expressing? Am I too soft? Or will I get used to it?

Personally it sounds like a lot of stress when you could just pop the baby on for a quick feed. There are so many things your dh can do for the baby that would actually be helpful and this just sounds counter productive and a bit selfish on his part as it just seems to be stressing you and the baby out.

But it's up to you and your dh and if you really want to continue to express for your dh and it is for your dh then I guess you should keep trying and you will find a rhythm eventually. My dh never understood why partners made such a fuss about feeding the baby themselves as one of the perks of ebf was that it didn't involve him

If it was me, I just wouldn't bother - tell your DH there are plenty of other ways he can bond with baby. If it's not actually making you more relaxed or giving you more time, then don't do it, it's tiring enough having a tiny baby - expressing shouldn't be something you need to be "tough"/"cut out" for!

Why is your DH "desperate" to feed your baby? I don't understand this at all. Especially when it comes at the expense of hassle for you. Are there not lots of other things he can do with the baby? Why the focus on feeding?

You are not too soft, and why should your and your dd get upset just to make your DH feel better? Surely he should be putting her needs first, not his whims?

Seems silly for you and the baby to be stressed/upset so your DH gets to play at feeding her tbh. Can't he do nappies or baths instead?

Oh no i feel like I've written that badly when stressed and given a poor impression of DH. he's a wonderful and supportive husband and father. He does do nappies/baths etc, I don't think he's doing it to be selfish as in 'I want to feed her to bond with her' it's more like 'I want to feed her as I am not doing enough'

All my friends with babies seem to be doing fine expressing and letting their DH's feed- I kind of thought I might be being a bit ridiculous and PFB and too attached and basically just getting it wrong!!... I guess you're saying I'm actually normal!!!

I think DH enjoyed feeding her, but if I said I didn't want him too he'd be fine with that too.

Thank you for the advice, I feel better :)

When DD was about this age I sometimes expressed about 10 o'clock, and DH fed her that milk while I got ready for bed and hung washing out. That way I wasn't missing or creating a new feed (so my boobs weren't all confused!) and I got a relaxing end to my day.

You may find you leak less as time goes on. You may also find that DH gets quicker at warming a bottle

If you express for use later in the day, expressed milk can stay out of the fridge for eight hours I believe. That makes warming easier too. KellyMom has more info I think.

I think you'll find that it's the opposite and a lot of people don't bother expressing with their second so it's not pfb at all.
If it's not giving you a break, don't bother.

Bit surprised at the number of posters that seem to find it odd that your dh wants to feed the baby. Surely nothing more normal in the world?

Why would it be "nothing more normal" If you're breastfeeding, babies are fed by the person with the breasts.

It is stressful, but you might thank him further down the line, when you are able to go out leaving DH with a bottle. I bf DD2 and she would not take a bottle, as she didn't like the teat. I was trapped for months never being able to be away from DD2 for more than 3 hours. Getting your baby used to taking a bottle may be a good thing in the long term.

It is only early days and I totally get your dh, he just wants to help. Bit maybe say to him all in good time and just feed yourself. Tbh it was the whole hassle of expressing that I found the hardest.

There's no need for your DH to feed, unless you both want him to and it all works for you.

My DH is one of the most hands on fathers I know. We have twins so I really needed help in the early days as particularly following a section there were things (like bathing) which were just hard for me to do.

My DH was absolutely fantastic but he never really fed them. I EBF and he only very occasionally gave them expressed milk if I was out.

An involved and loving father can and should have lots of other ways he can bond with his child and support their mother. There is no necessity for feeding to be one of them.

If we are speaking strictly biologically speaking it is in fact unnatural for anyone other than the mum to feed baby.

I think I'd say thank you so much DH but do you know what, it was far more hassle than it was worth for me. If he wants to do more you could suggest...

Sort through clothes (next size/too small/too big/etc)
Put a wash load on (always needs doing IME!)
Hold her while you have a relaxing bath/shower/cup of tea
Lie her on his chest and talk/sing to her (babies love the vibration of mens' voices)
Do the post-feed wind and nappy at night
Save up that "wanting to do more" energy for the nights when she really won't settle - happens to everyone at some point.
Sort out medical appointments, jabs etc
Arrange photos etc to send to relatives who aren't on facebook (if appropriate), handle arrangements with visitors at weekends/when he's around
Look up information about weaning or whatever the next stage is whatever stage you happen to be at and start getting prepared for it
TAKE PICTURES - especially of YOU with the baby. This came up on a recent thread that mums tend to take lots of pictures and dads don't always think to. Really nice thing that only he can do. Even if you end up with boobs etc in the photos you can always keep them private or delete them if you don't like them.
Also buy albums and get photos printed off. Start a memory book for her with things you may be too knackered/baby brain to remember to record.
Bath with the baby, ie actually in with her - skin to skin, bonding, lovely thing to do.
Baby massage - can find instructions online or you/he can take classes.
Carry her in a sling - again bonding, really good for their development plus male voice thing again.
Make you a cup of tea Make/buy you a selection of foods that you can eat one handed with no prep, before he leaves for work - sandwiches are good!
Go to baby swimming classes/take baby swimming etc - he could do this alone if you live near enough to the pool that you can time it between feeds or you could wait in the cafe with a book/magazine/laptop while he takes her in and you feed her afterwards.
Start reading her a bedtime story while/before/after the bedtime feed, if you have a bedtime routine yet.

Am sure he's doing lots of these already but always nice to have suggestions

Home I don't think people are finding it odd, after all it's very common to want to. It's just pointing out that actually for a mother of a small baby it's often far more hassle than it's actually worth for a feed (especially at 6 weeks old - perhaps at 8 weeks plus) and often it's doled out as a platitude "Oh, you can always express for Dad to feed!" (especially for some reason when the dad in question doesn't actually want to get involved in most of the other baby care...) when they can bond and be involved in a million other ways and it's kind of a massive pain in the arse to express especially when you're going to be THERE.

Sure, if he wants to and you do actually find it gives you a break then go ahead, likewise nothing wrong with trying it out to see how easy/hard it is for you personally, but it's definitely not a one size fits all thing and it's actually a pretty bizarre thing to suggest when you think about it. Nothing else that a dad does for his child involves extra work for the mother, why should the ONE thing that does always be the first thing that is suggested as a fun thing for Dads to do?

What a lovely post Bertie thank you. (Well thank you everyone actually!)

Some of those are fantastic suggestions that I'd really not thought of. I mean, i carry dd in my sling but for some reason it never even occurred to me that DH could do it! How ridiculous!

Feeling much better and I will have a chat with DH tomorrow and explain its not really helping, and get him sorting photos - I've only taken about 1000 in 6 weeks for him to sort through

Agree that it's very early days to be bothering with all of this - I think that some great suggestions for other things he can do have been given already, or perhaps he can even just snuggle up with the two of you on the sofa while you feed (or even better, give you a shoulder massage?).

If you're both still keen, there will be plenty of time to try again in a few more weeks when your supply and routine are a little more settled.

Haha! And how many of those 1000 are you in? Seriously, get him to take some. It was sad to see how many posters said they didn't have many (or any) pictures of themselves with their babies.

Oh yes and if you're feeding lying down in bed at night he can cuddle you like "spoons" - lovely, lovely family cuddle. Looking forward to doing this with DH when we have babies (DS has a different dad)

I remember doing this a lot for dh and dm with my first, every day, and tbh it drove me up the wall a bit. I didn't feel as if it really benefitted me, in terms of getting any extra time or rest. Especially as they left the bottle for me to wash and sterilise after they had finished! I had a meltdown on him a few weeks in, about how he expected me to faff around with sterilising and pumping, then to wash and sterilise the bloody bottle for him too! He cleaned religiously after that .

With my second I did half and half pumping for the baby, and the milk bank, but with my third I pretty much just pumped for the milk bank, and only expressed if I was going out without the baby for any amount of time.

You've had loads of good advice but here's what came to mind.

Sometime after 6 weeks (and possibly more like 8 weeks) my little one was pretty consistently waking for a feed around 11, then at maybe 2 and 5 before getting up. I would express in the morning, as I always had loads of milk then, and fridge the milk. I'd then go to bed whenever I liked - maybe around 9 - and my husband would stay up. He'd start to warm up the bottle at 10.30, and would either try to dream feed or feed her as soon as she woke up. It got so that I wouldn't wake up, even though we were sharing a room. Most of the time I was pretty full by the time of the 2am feed, but I didn't get woken by feeling engorged. If I did, I just hand-expressed over the sink to relieve the pressure a little bit.

That way, I knew that I could get myself a good long stretch of sleep, and my husband really loved his quiet time with her. It can work, but it's not for everyone.

Good luck with this!