Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Flip

Original poster

Don't want to bf my new baby but feel so guilty

18 replies

Nomorepeppapig · 31/01/2014 11:14

Had a horrible time feeding my first and I really don't feel I can do it again. My DD will be 3 when the baby is born and I just don't want to spend hours sitting feeding. I'm worried DD will became jealous of the baby if I have one time for her. I know lots of people manage to do it I just don't know if I can. I hated every minute of bf and I'm scared of doing it again. I just feel so guily!

OP posts:

Chocotrekkie · 31/01/2014 11:29

I tried for days with my first and hated it. Got my self in such a state about it and felt awful. She ended up getting milk through a tube in hospital because she lost so much weight and hadn't had a poo.

With dd2 my DH said don't be daft - you hated it so much and she was on formula.

Didn't even try with dd2 and while I was still being stitched up after the section my DH fed her 60ml of formula.

Much happier after her birth and dd1 loved feeding her baby sister (she was 3 so still supervised !)

Formula worked well for us - DH did some virtually all of the night feeds and both of mine slept well.
He also loved doing the bedtime bottle with them all clean and sleepy and cuddled up on him.

I am very shy and the though of feeding in public terrified me. Feeding a bottle is so easy and I was so much more relaxed.

I found with dd2 a lot of the organisers at play group etc were desperate to feed a tiny baby which left me free to play with dd1.

They are now 10 and 7 , both healthy and pretty happy children.
although dd2 can be a nightmare at times

Original poster

Nomorepeppapig · 31/01/2014 11:50

Thank you for sharing your story that had made me feel so much better! I really feel like people will judge me if I don't try did you feel like that?

OP posts:

Blueuggboots · 31/01/2014 11:53

I chose to breast feed with ds1 but it was incredibly hard. I'm glad I did it but would certainly think long and hard before trying with subsequent Dcs.
If it's stressing you out, make the decision to bottle feed. It's YOUR decision with your DP. If you're both happy, then who gives a stuff what other people think??!
Do what is right for you.

Original poster

Nomorepeppapig · 31/01/2014 11:56

My DH doesn't want me to because he knows how stressed I will get about it. He says I should do whatever I want. And like you blue he said stuff everyone else!
Thank you I'm feeling better about it all already!

OP posts:

SidandAndyssextoy · 31/01/2014 11:56

I've breastfed both my children through adversity and would support anyone wanting to do that 100%. But someone dreading it like you? Do what will make you happy and let you enjoy your children. Don't make yourself miserable. My eldest had lots of formula because I had low supply and she is the most robust toddler I know.

makesamesswhenstressed · 31/01/2014 12:05

Pretty much what Sid said - I hate to think of women being forced into using formula because they haven't got the support, advice or help to make bf a realistic option, but if it's an open honest choice and not something you're going to feel bad about then, well, don't feel bad about it! You're doing what we all have to do and making an informed decision to make the best choice for you and your family.

Fairylea · 31/01/2014 12:09

I am writing this wrestling with a toddler but essentially I had the same issues as you with my first 10 years ago so when I had ds 19 months now I ff from birth and didn't feel bad about it at all,I knew that ten years down the line it really doesn't matter how you feed them at all and I knew it would be right for us.

I think because I was so confident in my choice I found no one tried to make me feel bad. In the postnatal ward I brought my own starter kit with me (available in tesco) so I didn't have to ask for bottles and I just got on with it on my own and it was lovely not having people fiddling about with me trying to get a latch or whatever else (part of the things I didn't like with dd).

I think if you are confident in your decision people won't give a jot.

Good luck x

IndigoTea · 31/01/2014 12:09

Don't feel guilty at all! Baby will benefit from a happy mother more than anything else, so you are choosing what's best for baby.

If I had another I probably wouldn't either. My baby has tongue tie which keeps reattaching and I had numerous cases of mastitis, thrush etc. All horrid! What was your experience like?

Kaluki · 31/01/2014 12:10

I struggled with DS1 but took to it really well with DS2, I think because I was a lot more relaxed. I don't remember DS1 being particularly jealous of the time spent breast feeding (he was 3 as well)
BUT its your choice, your body and your baby. Who cares what people think.

AmIGoingMad · 31/01/2014 12:20

Another one here who says do what's right for your family!

With ds1 I was determined to bf but really struggled. I got myself all stressed. The best decision I made was to ff. I was so much happier, DH could help so much more, and most importantly DS blood sugar issue sorted right away.
I did feel like I had to tell everyone that I'd tried to bf but it hadnt worked out.

With dd I thought I'd give it a go again. I couldn't do it but this time I remembered how positive it had been to ff last time and DS is a very happy healthy little boy! So ff dd too and don't regret it for a second! And this time I haven't even mentioned trying to bf. I just get her bottle out and feed without giving it a second thought.
Ff has been the right decision for our family.

Do whatever makes you all happy!

lilyaldrin · 31/01/2014 12:23

The first few feeds are the most important - why not do those, ensure your baby gets the colostrum, and then switch? You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Chocotrekkie · 31/01/2014 12:43

I did feel that a few other people did judge me for not even trying.

To be honest it was only my sister who tried to make me feel bad and kept going on and on about it and sending me links etc. This did upset me a bit but when I picked up her weeks old baby who stank of smoke (from her dh) I then sent her loads of links about smoking near babies. She soon changed her tune.

Mil was a bit about the bf/ff but didn't dare comment.

A few friends were curious and I was honest and said I didn't want to. Don't really care what they thought tbh.

But my sisters bf children (all bf till at least 3) are the fussiest children I ever met who pick up all the illnesses going and some of them are vastly overweight.

Not saying this is linked to bf/ff but it's just how it is.

PoopMaster · 31/01/2014 13:11

Hi OP

Just to add a different angle - do you know why you feel you had such a hard time the first time? It might help to speak to someone more knowledgable (maybe if there's a baby cafe near you) who might be able to "debrief" you and help understand your fears. I'm not trying to trivialise how you felt, but rather it might be something that was specific to your first baby eg my DD1 was small, got tired easily so gained weight slowly and I felt like I was feeding her a lot, plus I ended up with thrush...vs DD2 who was a very efficient feeder from the word go so I never had to worry about her, never felt uncomfortable and she's always fed for 10-15 mins at a time every few hours so I haven't felt "tied down" with her to the same extent.

You also don't need to make a decision right away - why not see how things are after the first few feeds? Or even plan to mix feed from the start so you arm yourself with useful information about that. You can always switch to FF at any time so that may take some pressure off?

Good luck and as others have said - you need to do what's right for you, and that might include trying for a few days, if it's going to help you feel more secure in your decision. The fact that you are giving this so much thought makes you a wonderful mum to this baby already

MetellaEstMater · 31/01/2014 15:45

Hi OP.

I had exactly the same worries as you. DD1 was a nightmare to feed and then turned out to be a bottle refuser so it was very stressful. I was therefore dreading feeding DD2 and also worried about how DD1 who is nearly 3 would react. I decided to just feed the colostrum and then move to bottles. However, four weeks later I am still breastfeeding all but one feed (I expressed this for a fortnight but now giving formula). DD1 hasn't batted an eyelid and it is all so much easier this time. So you never know...

...however if you do decided to ff please don't feel judged. On the whole back in the real world no one bats an eyelid!

MetellaEstMater · 31/01/2014 15:46

Oops meant to add GOOD LUCK!

naty1 · 31/01/2014 18:18

Just have a go at feeding the colostrum, see how it goes you can always switch after.
Second may be easier, they are all so different. You have more experience now that could make a difference
(I hope so anyway :))

Original poster

Nomorepeppapig · 31/01/2014 22:00

Thank you everyone for replying. I really do feel better knowing I'm not the only one out there that hated bf. I might do the first few feed plus bottles then move to bottle only. But I'll see how I feel when it comes to it.
Thanks again all xx

OP posts:

AngelaDaviesHair · 31/01/2014 22:03

I agree with naty1. My second was so much easier to feed, it was astonishing. But no judgement from here whatever you decide to do.

Flip