When it psychologically the best time to wean?

[BraveLilBear]

Weird question. Nutritional reasons aside, what is the best age/stage to wean a baby from the breast?

My DS is 6 months and I'd planned to keep feeding him morning, evening and at night after I go back to work in a few weeks.

I wanted to carry on after returning partly for ease (bf so much easier) but mainly so he knows that I've not abandoned him (will be in daycare full-time) and to give him comfort when he needs it.

However, I've recently started suffering from exhaustion. Drs are investigating but it has occurred to me that maybe breastfeeding is to blame, and maybe I should think about giving up.

I really don't feel ready to give up though - just the thought of it makes me feel tearful. But if I believed it would be better for him to be weaned sooner rather than later then I would do the right thing, however upset it would make me.

Anyone know about the psychological impact of weaning from the breast please? How did your DC respond to weaning?

Re the tiredness, you may benefit from an iron supplement (try Spatone from Boots or Asda, it works pretty well)

Regarding weaning, I went with what the baby seems to want and accept - he started to ask for food, to hold frmo about 6 mo then put tiny bits in his mouth, mainly he spat them out...gradually he started to eat stuff and now he eats something every day, whatever it might be (he is just 1yo) plus as much breastmilk as he wants.

I think the baby will guide you if you go with their indications. It's quite fun and nice to observe their changing relationship with food.

I've never really forced the issue tbh as it would just mean more stress, more waste, etc. He has a bit of what me and the older ones are having.

Thanks Rooners - looked at some Spatone a few days ago but at £8.25 it's just too expensive at the moment until I'm back at work at the end of Feb.

I've started him on solids and he seems to be enjoying it - we're now up to 2 'meals' a day.

What I meant though was weaning from the breast ie stopping breastfeeding and switching to formula (not very clear, sorry).

One bonus is if you manage to keep feeding till 1 then you can move straight to other milks and don't have to bother with formula. If youre saving the pennies that's something to think about.

Afaik, anything before a year is early to wean off milk, but obvs you introduce solids from 6months. Not sure if that helps?

I would get some professional advice about breastfeeding/exhaustion. If you're deficient in minerals, stopping breastfeeding isn't going to help much.

Also, if you can't afford £8.25 for a month's supply of Spatone, how are you going to buy formula? Do you know how expensive it is?

Babies can do a thing called reverse-cycling, which means that instead of feeding in the day, he will feed more evenings, mornings, nights and the days you are with him.

I went back to work full time when DD was 14 weeks, so I know how horrible it is being away from them. It meant a lot that I had the support around me to breastfeed her to 15 months. It sounds trite, but maybe going to bed 30 minutes earlier might help you feel less tired, especially when you are back at work. Cosleeping also helped me.

I believe studies have shown that the longer a baby is breastfed for, the better, both physically and psychologically. So carry on until one of you wants to stop! It's a lifesaver when they get a d and v bug as it's the only thing you can give them apart from meds... and you might find they pick up a few bugs when they start nursery so it's good to have up your sleeve :-)

DS1 was absolutely fine about it, that said he was 2.5 and basically self-weaned when I was 5 months pregnant. I don't think there's any "ideal" time to wean, it really depends on what suits you and baby. The whole "you have to do it sooner rather than later or they'll be traumatized" (hello, What To Expect books with your dire warnings about feeding past a year and them REMEMBERING) seems to be a wild generalization.

I personally found BF much, much easier (both practically and in terms of how I felt) after the first six months - you'll find the number of feeds dropping as their solids intake goes up, they become super efficient so feeds are very quick, and it's just very very handy. Also, as you say, a nice way to reconnect when you're back in work. So if you don't have a very definite reason to stop and you'd like to carry on, I'd say carry on.

Re your exhaustion, it's unlikely that BF alone is making you exhausted - having a baby is just plain tiring - but yes, also recommend looking at your diet and taking a multivitamin/something with iron if you can manage it. You might simply not be eating enough, I know I found in the first six months with both boys I had to carry around cereal bars with me at all times in case I got woobly.

Oh I am sorry I didn't know you meant that.

Well I'm not much use to you then but I am sure someone will be along to advise though.

Also not sure but I think you may be able to get the spaton on prescription - depends if you are Ok with iron sulphate tabs, which the Dr will prescribe (ask for sulphate not fumarate, it's more easily tolerated)

Worth asking, good luck (also I only ever buy it on 3 for 2, or cheaper in Asda! Tis a rip off)

Agree that it's unlikely to be the breastfeeding. Tackle your iron, vitamin B and D levels first. Supplement if poss (can GP prescribe?) and make sure you're getting as many natural sources in your diet as you can. Kale is cheap and plentiful at this time of year, for e.g..

As to your main question - weaning from the breast is such a personal thing, but I think six months is too early. In the interests of disclosure, one is the minimum age I would consider, two is better and 3.3 is where I am with my oldest.

Lastly, formula is expensive! Better to spend the money of looking after your own health and carry on the breastfeeding relationship which you are evidently both getting a lot out of.

We're going to have to provide formula for nursery during the day as I simply can't express more than an ounce anymore and won't be able to at work. I am also looking at doing a lunch bf (nursery v close to office) although some babies find this more upsetting apparently.

I've heard of reverse cycling and honestly I think I'd have a nervous breakdown if things got any worse at night (and they're really not that bad - only losing around 2-3 hours sleep a night across around 3 wake ups).

After the whirlwind that is the first 6 weeks I've actually been coping with the disrupted nights really well - actually felt fairly human - until about 7-8 weeks ago. Since then I've been getting worse and worse - very poor tolerance of night waking, scratchy eye tired every day, sleeping through some mild chattering/quiet calls from DS Physically my muscles are stiff and tired, they ache with heaviness. And I'm becoming much less able to cope.

I feel like I'm becoming a terrible mother! Blood tests on Monday, will attempt to book follow-up appt then so I'm working towards supplements etc.

The money thing is strange - DP very pro formula (always has been ) and is happy to pay. I would also buy it if I need to - DS can't live without food, I can live without a v expensive supplement.

Have got vit c, d and zinc in the cupboard so will take some of them in the meantime.

Thanks for the input - I don't want to give up just yet, even letting go of day feeds is bad enough.

Boots usually have Spatone in their 3 for 2 vitamins thing but there's no point supplementing unless your blood results show a deficiency.

Seems a bit strange - pay to give baby formula, not pay to keep you healthy to then give baby bm?
When my dc1 was 6 months I was diagnosed with an under active thyroid - I was more exhausted than I'd ever been. Have you had this checked? Quite often seems to be triggered by a pg. Also, if your iron is low (blood test) the GP will be able to prescribe supplements - prescription cheaper than Boots I'd think.
Does your DP get to decide what the household income goes on, what if you said you needed this?

I know the logic is fuzzy - but we will have to give formula at nursery as I can't express and wouldn't be able to at work (I know the law but in reality I would struggle to find the time even if I was able to get enough milk out!).

We were always going to have to mix feed for this reason, though I'm hoping to not need to do more than 2 feeds this way, and fingers crossed a lunchtime bf works out.

DP doesn't decide money but this is the month that my mat leave pay goes to SMP only - half of this will go on my personal outgoings, I won't be able to contribute hardly anything to the mortgage/bills.

He did offer earlier to get me anything I needed but I would rather wait and see now, especially as I tend to have very poor tolerance of iron supplements. I would feel so guilty if he spent all that money on something that I didn't use.

Reading this back it all sounds pathetically martyrish. I'm not usually such a wet lettuce but I fear I have lost myself a bit in this motherhood/breastfeeding lark. DS is the clear priority in my eyes, so I've put myself in the back seat.

Probably how I ended up in this state in the first place!

They're testing for thyroid, iron, B vits. Have suspected thyroid drama but have lost all my pg weight (no real effort, ate normally, walked a lot) and I thought you put weight on if thyroid was underactive?

Spatone is very different to other iron supplements - you don't get the dreaded constipation and black poo.

Good luck, whichever path you choose. Being a mum who goes out to work is hard, even when things are going smoothly.

BFing becomes massively less stressful once a child starts eating an appreciable amount of real food. I'd give up any notions of BLW and embrace the panacea that is yoghurt before giving up BFing.

Feeding an older child to sleep at the end of a long day is honestly the most beautiful relaxing thing to do. Don't give up thinking not BFing will suddenly make you feel full of energy, it won't. Babies are exhausting creatures however they are fed.

I know you can't express anything now (I've never been able to express a drop whilst feeding on demand at home full time), but you will probably find that you have to express at first when you go back to work, as you will be missing feeds.

I did a long day 3x week with a substantial commute and found that I needed to express once, at lunchtime. I then also needed to use breast pads on the way home and feed DS almost as soon as I walked in through the door.

I can see why you are thinking of FF, it makes sense if you're going to have to for nursery I guess.

Re the Spatone - that's the whole reason for using it (and I checked, and last I could find, you can get it on script so ask Dr for that if they try to give you tablets!) that it doesn't have the side effects.

I couldn't STAND taking the usual iron they prescribe, it was awful so I tried spatone and it was brill and worked very quickly. (had to get HB up for homebirth)

Anyway just saying, it's easy to tolerate and I am the most untolerating person ever

Good luck with everything x