I've missed the boat haven't I...??? :'(

[gillybeandramaqueen]

BREASTFEEDING. I will try and be brief here as much as I can and not bore you with all of the historical details... tbh I find it all really upsetting too which is why I'll bullet point... I hope nobody is offended by thinking that I'm being rude or lazy:

• DS is 17weeks tomorrow
• Very traumatic labour and birth with everything I didn't want.
• Horrible post-natal ward experience but managed to bf DS from one side first 24hrs.
• After being told by 3 mvs that bf looked fine, a 4th one told me I wasn't doing it right, my wee one was jaundiced (he wasn't) and I prob wouldn't be able to bf with my inverted nipples
• I believe I was feeding him right as his meconium changed from black to yellow after first 24 hrs and all his paediatric checks were excellent.
• Kicked up a fuss to get home early as v upset.
• As soon as home DS straight onto formula in bottle in panic.
• Persevered with bf for first two weeks. got loads of support and kept trying to offer breast but Was so upset and traumatised post birth. Wee one more or less on expressed bm and formula mix for 6 weeks.
• Expressing became soul destroying even though producing lots of milk.
• wee one getting used to bottles and rejecting breast extremely upset, both of us.
• stopped offering breast at 6 weeks as wee one very unsettled with constipation.
• continued not to offer breast at 10 weeks as wee one started teething and very unsettled.
• now only expressing once a day and desperately squeezing out only 50ml per day if that.
• wee one now 17 weeks and mainly on formula - thriving and healthy weight of 15.6lbs.

I feel so sad at bf failure. Feel it was very much influenced and affected by bad post natal ward experiencr and my confidence being knocked at my most vulnerable time. Wondering whether I should go for it and try to increase pumping to try to up my levels of expressed bm again and perhaps have a go at offering breast or is that completely pointless at this stage? Is it desperate and pointless now that ds is 17 weeks and bottle fed primarily formula?

Feeling very very sad indeed. Any honest comments welcomed... xx

I'm not an expert but wanted to say congratulations on the birth of your DS. It sounds as if you both had a very tough time.
I don't think it would be pointless to try offering the breast again; if you are still producing milk it may come back if the baby starts sucking again.
Most importantly (easy to say) you should try not to stress over your feeding choices. It sounds as if you have done everything you can to get it right and DS is thriving.

There is a poster called TikTok who is v knowledgeable and will hopefully be able to offer advice! ... In the meantime this Kellymom link to relactaction may be of interest... Given you were pumping, that will all have helped maintain your supply.

You said baby is thriving - that's your care and love which has done that, so please don't be hard on yourself.

I am sorry that the delivery was everything you didn't want so please, please ask for a birth debrief (this can be arranged via the Supervisor of Midwives) - I know quite a few people who have found them very helpful - especially when the hospital have apologised, it helps with "closure" of a very traumatic time for some people.

Slow typing on phone - paintyfingers sorry to duplicate your link - when I started typing there were no replies

Thanks so much. Your comments are very kind, supportive and comforting. DS is thriving with his weight as there have been no issues and he's been steadily gaining from his birth weight and right on course for his centile...

I guess I'm pretty hung up on breastmilk from the health and bonding points of view. I am finding it extremely hard and sad at letting go (bf'g)... do you really think I can make a comeback from only expressing once/50mlper day and offering breast to a wee one who has been on nothing but bottles for past 11 weeks?

Sad thing is... that last week he was being offered breast at 6 weeks we were actually beginning to make progress and he was finally accepting breast one feed per day. But then his constipation and early teething made him so upset and unsettled that I didn't want to add to his distress by attempting bf'g. He was never and settled and content as when he was being bf but then at other times he would just point blank refuse and reject. It was very hard for both of us. Admittedly it has been much less stressful not attempting bf'g anymore and we are both happier on a day to day basis.

But for some reason I do feel really sad about it inside that I couldn't give him what I wanted to give him. At the end of the day ff is artificial isn't it? I don't know why I am finding it so hard to let go of the whole idea. My partner believes I should just give up now and exclusively ff.

Also with ff'g I feel that anyone could bottlefeed my son and it wouldn't matter... I feel a bit redundant! Sorry if that sounds stupid. :-(

I don't have anything helpful to add, just wishing you luck if you decide to try.

I am currently trying to establish bf with my bottle fed (with expressed milk) 6 week old ds. He's never bf but I did get him to latch on for a couple of seconds yesterday which was very encouraging.

Thank you SO much again... I really appreciate the comments at this time and for the links posted... over the past few months I've been reading so much stuff about feeding that I can't see the wood for the trees andmy wee brain feels totally frazzled! Xx

The breast feeding supporter suggested a supplemental nursing system to me. Not tried it yet though. Maybe it'd be helpful in your situatio

gilly, it might help to talk to someone about a proper plan to relactate - you need the support of those around you to do this, and a realistic expectation of how long it might take to get breastfeeding back....it can be done, though.

In the meantime, there are lots of ways to recreate the intimacy and connection you get with bf, while using a bottle. I'm sure you can think of them - no reason not to enjoy the nurturing side of bottle feeding which is just as important as the nutrition side :)

When you can, think about writing to the maternity unit and explaining how badly their lack of decent support affected you.

Nothing that has happened is a 'failure' - and you know yourself that confidence especially after a difficult birth is fragile. You tried your hardest to do the best for your baby.

Next step is to work out a programme to relactate, if this is what you decide to do. Any of the bf helplines will support you with this.

Hi gilly I'm no breastfeeding expert but your post really moved me and just wanted to give you a bit of hope.

My DD had a really bad posterior tongue tie that was missed. She ended up having 3 procedures to divide it by the age of 21 weeks. By that point I wasn't able to pump enough and she understandably had breast aversion.

My mum gave me the best advice and suggested I just sit in front of the telly with my boobs out, DD on a pillowon my lap doing skin to skin. (In bed I just ended up focused on her not latching and driving myself mad).

I let her nap on me and when she was drowsy would tempt her with the boob. At first that's the only time she would suckle but after a week of this she'd go for milk awake. I didn't leave the house for ages but it worked. I also did safe co-sleeping with my boobs out to get my supply up.

She's now 12 mo and still bf despite me back at work full time.

I know how heartbreaking it is when you're desperate to bf but your DC doesn't want to. He's doing well because you're a great mum and if it doesn't work out the way you hoped that doesn't change. You'll still be an amazing mum who's given him a great start.

Everyone has given really good advice. I just wanted to say that I felt that redundant feeling when I was ff. It's horrible. But you are not redundant at all. Your baby knows and loves you. It doesn't matter how you feed him. Lots of skin to skin really helped me get that bonding feeling. You are doing an excellent job. If you decide to try and get the bf back I really hope you manage it.

I just wanted to say that if you decide to try re-establishing b'feeding again, make it the focus. You, ds, lots of fluid and good food for you and lots of rest. Don't be rushing around paying bills and cooking for others etc.
good luck with whatever you do.