Managing BF with a toddler

[BabyLove2014]

I'm just over a fortnight into feeding my newborn and am finding I'm cluster feeding a lot during the day. I don't find this a problem on days when my toddler is at his playgroup/and or with his grandparents (2 days a week) but on the other days I feel guilty being stuck on the settee for hours on end, trying to entertain my toddler at the same time.
I got a sling, planning at least to get out of the house every day but the cold and rain has prevented us doing this so far. I've tried the sling round the house and I think my baby is still too small to sit in it comfortably.
My husband works from home so can hear everything from the next room and today made the useful comment: I just don't think you are cut out to be at home all day !! That really hurt and just makes me all the more determined to make this work.
I have enjoyed bf so far and have pretty much felt content and happy until today - second day of full on cluster feeding. Feel quite emotional today - my toddler is deliberately doing things he shouldn't as he knows I can't jump off the settee to stop him.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, it would be great to know how you got through it.

As the baby's latch improves you will be able to move around more. In the mean time, I would get things in reaching distance before you start feeding baby. Make sure your toddler has a drink, and snack, and you can reach toys, books and remote control. In the early weeks with a baby, your toddler can watch cbeebies or Peppa Pig or whatever keeps your toddler occupied for more than 3 seconds. It's hard and my principles changed. I always believed toddlers shouldn't play on a Nintendo Ds as they are for 6 year olds... then I had a 3 yo and newborn twins. Suddenly I didn't mind dd playing on the ds!

If it's any help, dd1 is now in school and doing really well, so her 6months of constant TV/Ds didn't do her too much harm and allowed me to be a calm (ish) mummy.

We did sit and read books while I fed dtds and once they were old enough I would finish a feed at a weekend when dh was there and spend an hour playing with dd1 one to one (that helped with feeling guilty a bit). dd1 wasn't interested in helping with her sisters so it seemed unfair to make her. Now they are older (dtds are 2 and dd1 is 5) and they play beautifully together.

I really is a short period and you will survive. Congratulations on your new baby :)

Ps: dont forget snack and drink for you too!

You'll soon master one handed feed and carry. At 2 weeks in has he not taken paternity leave or do work into evening so he can be around a bit in the day

Also what kind of sling do you have. Some are much easier to feed in than others. Might be worth checking out a local sling library to see if something else might suit you.

For me it was a combination of a bit more toddler TV, letting the new baby cry a tiny bit more than I would have before (while I sorted the toddler out), and DH doing more one-to-one stuff with the toddler as/when he could.

To be honest now the baby is 7mo and they love each other, the tough bit where they adjust was over quite quickly and now I have a bit more time to myself when they both nap together. So time is a coping strategy too!

Hi again, thanks for the advice - made me feel a whole lot better. LO has fed all day with only catnaps in between of 20 minutes max. As is his pattern, he has gone down this evening after his bath and feed at around 7pm and will sleep until around 10pm. I have had around 3 days of what I assume is cluster feeding. It is definitely better for him to be doing this during the day and sleeping for around 3 hours at night - but not so good for my toddler.

It is a relief to hear that others rely on favourite children's programmes to see them through. My son seems perfectly happy watching Sarah & Duck and Peppa Pig but it feels wrong to me to be sitting down most of the day while he watches TV.
I wasn't able to bf with my first son as he was born at 35 weeks and was bottle fed immediately in special care. I was unable to express and thought perhaps that bf just wouldn't happen for me. It was therefore quite magical when my second son was handed to me seconds after being born and I was able to bf immediately. I guess that is part of the reason why I don't want to give in at the first hurdle.
My husband is self employed so does help when I really need it but also makes it clear that he wouldn't be able to be disrupted if he was in an office in the city. He probably has a point, as with DS being 17 days old now, he would most likely be back at work. I just think he doesn't fully understand how challenging it is when you have been feeding your baby for 12 hours with only small ten minute slots as respite periods.
I was concerned today that perhaps my milk supply wasn't meeting demand but then have read that cluster feeding encourages supply the following day. Fingers crossed this will happen and today was just testing my endurance!
My little boy (3 in April) has been amazing with is little brother - very tenderly stroking his hair and overall looking very proud - but it has been his behaviour towards me and my husband that has been at times challenging. I know he is just trying to find his feet again in what must be an alien situation and my heart bleeds in case he is feeling any distress.
Thanks again for your comments; they have really lifted my spirits after a long day!

Oh petalsandstars - I have the Connecta sling - love it - seems easy to use and comfortable etc. but think baby still feels like too newborn to be carried in this way. I guess it is my confidence that needs to grow as well as him, in order for me to feel happy with it!

It sounds like you really do want to BF, it will get easier so hang in there! It's a great gift to you all as a family so DH needs to realise he needs to do his bit too...whether self-employed or not, partners need to be just that, and do their best to help regardless of what other men may or may not do. There must be a way he can help without disrupting his day too much - and he'll have to help come up with that solution cos even thinking is hard work at 17 days old!

If you've been cluster feeding you deserve a nice bath at the very least. It was the one thing that I absolutely demanded after a hard day, I always felt much better afterwards (physically and mentally) and don't know how I would've coped without it.

Well done again for sticking with it and really, it does get easier and is totally worth it when it does.

I popped onto this thread as I hope to be in your position one day, but it reminded me that I read here once about having a special box of toys/books which only came out when the baby was being fed. Sounds like a neat idea to me.

Congratulations on your newborn, just two snuggly weeks old.

My advice - hang on in there. Ignore your DH's unhelpful comment (probably not meant to hurt you of course) and just stick with it. It gets easier... even if every day drags slowly, before you know it the weather will warm up, your baby will settle into a routine of feeds and your toddler will adjust.

These are tough times, but you're doing great... stick with it.

And a few weeks of too much Peppa won't hurt your toddler at all...

oh, one more thing - get one of these wrap around bf cushions
here they are brilliant as you can move around whilst you feed.

DD1 never seemed to mind. She was very happy having mummy pined to the sofa to hug, read to her and look at her Duplo creations. Yes, and I admit, put on CBBeeies.

Much better than mummy cooking and ignoring her.

Given DD2 BF for years, DD1 probably deserves a BFer supporters medal!

Although she did cheat and get Daddy to read her much longer bedtime stories than I would have done, while I feed her sister.

I agree, special books or toys are a great idea.

I also agree that it does quickly get easier. Even the novelty of the toddler being able to play up wears of quite quickly.

I really don't think a bit of extra TV will hurt in the short term at all. I felt horribly guilty about plonking DS (3) in front of the TV while I dealt with the baby. However, I feel a lot better about it now that it appears that a steady diet of Alphablocks (and similar) have taught DS to read

Once I got to grips a bit with dealing with 2 children instead of one, and feeding was a bit less time-intensive, it became so much easier. I could then also read a bit to DS while feeding the baby (or just watch TV with him )

The one thing that really helped me in a similar situation? Letting my dd know that it was ok to be annoyed at ds for taking up so much of my time; that it was ok to feel a bit put out. Yes, we loved him, but, gosh, don't babies demand a lot of attention!. Dd's behaviour improved massively afterwards because she knew it was ok to be annoyed - and tell me she was - and she didn't have to act out instead to signal how she was feeling.

Love the idea of special books and toys for when I bf. My little boy loves music so I will see if I can also find sing along DVDs etc that we can interact with together.
Yesterday seems to be worth it as my milk supply has definitely been topped up today. This time yesterday I had been feeding since 4am and there was no sign of stopping. This morning I fed at 4, then 5.20 and LO went down again at 6.30 so I'm going to enjoy breakfast with my toddler while he sleeps. Phew! Thank goodness today has got off to a more manageable start.
This is the first time I have used Mumsnet and know already it is going to offer a great support network. Thank you everyone, you have made a massive difference already! Yesterday I was too busy breastfeeding to actually make it to my local breastfeeding support group ?? but think this has been more useful. Thanks again!

I definitely relied on the TV a bit but would try to watch it with ds and interact with him. Don't feel guilty it is such a short period until your newborn is feeding a bit less often, and then you can get out and do s!l the fun stuff. St this stage you just do what you need to do to get by.