Feeling a bf failure despite good start...

[flopsybunny45]

I'll try to be brief.
Dd is 20 weeks.
She latched on instantly after birth.
Tt cut at 4 days as noticed by a Mw but bf felt very smooth until around 8 wks.
Dd then began fighting breast after a few seconds, screaming, arching, pushing away, then would relatch and whole saga would start again. Within 2-3 minutes I would have to give up. At night she screamed every 30-60mins either from hunger or farting with wind.
Weight surprisingly ok until 12 weeks then she only put 1oz on a week and fell to 1st pc.
Dr tried reflux - gav and rant - no effect.
Posterior tt cut which slightly improved latch.
Referred to Paediatrician who gave dairy/soya free formula, told me to go d/s free.
Dd loves formula and rarely fights bottle; although she can be a fussy feeder, it is easy to direct bottle etc. I am now mixed feeding.
She is a changed baby on this new diet - she has put on a lb in a week(!!) and now sleeps and does not appear windy all night like before.
BUT iam feeling very low about bf. she still seems to hate it despite now being a much happier baby and more settled.

Do some babies just wish to stop bf earlier than 6 months? Is there anything I can do to encourage her to enjoy bf?! Should I just get over it and give her prescription formula diet only. I was so passionate about bf before she was born. I didn't think for a moment i'd be the first one in my group to pack it in and am feeling really quite sad about it.

Any support would be great for a sad mummy.
X

I had issues with bf with DD1 she would constantly pulling away, she cried constantly, up every hour or so, in the end she lost so much weight I was advised to give her formula, she literally gulped the bottles down and slept through the night from 4 weeks.
I say and cried once my breast milk had dried up as I felt like a failure but in retrospect, she was a hungry baby, she was a happy contented baby on formula, she is a thriving five year old, very rarely ill. Please don't put too much pressure on yourself, I know it is lovely when it works but she seems like she is a much happier baby now, at least you can get a good nights sleep now (which will make you happier) :)
I have since had two more children, again with DD2 had to switch to formula, she was a very fussy child (still is), with DS3 he took to breastfeeding but I still top him off with formula, he is a very hungry baby. All children are different, not all will take to breastfeeding :)
Hope you feel better soon x x x

I was just thinking have you tried expressing your breast milk into a bottle and mixing it with the formula? You may need to check this as it is prescription formula, but I know other mums that do this with regular formula, i know it is npt the same but at least bubs is still getting the health benefits of your milk :)

Thanks samo- just good to know I am not the only one and that you have a happy older child! I am just being selfish about it really - I can see she is so much more contented and is sleeping about 8xbetter than she was on not enough bm.
X

The fact that you breastfed for as long as you have done is brilliant. You're absolutely not a failure.

I gave up breastfeeding my DD at 8 weeks due to supply issues had been topping up with formula from birth and she started refusing the breast.
I had really wanted to breast feed but even the breastfeeding midwives said that she had more breast milk than some babies ever get.
You have done great to get this far.

Not sure how much help I can offer except to say you're not alone! My DS had his Tt snipped at 16 days by which time he'd lost weight and I'd had to give him some formula. I'm now mix feeding and just trying to gradually increase the BF and phase out the top ups- not convinced it will work. My adv ice is that you're doing great and that you made the right decision for your baby's well being but I know you won't hear it just like I don't! I even feel like telling shop assistants my whole BF saga when I buy the bloody formula so they won't think I'm a crap mum. I think I must have cried nearly everyday sinceDS was born about BF ( he's 4 weeks)and it's only in the last couple of days I've decided to let it go- it hasn't worked out how I wanted but my baby is thriving and gorgeous and that really should be all that matters.
Try not to be sad. You had no choice and You are doing the right thing.

I had similar to this. It was hellish. I mix fed ebm and ff with bottles and just kept trying dd on the boob. It took three weeks but she did go back to the breast.

I hired a hospital grade pump. I absolutely loathed expressing but I persevered and I'm glad I did because I'm super lazy and sterilising bottles is very boring.

Having said that, there is nothing wrong with ff. You've fed heaps and you can be proud of that. You don't need to feel anything other than satisfaction that you are nourishing your child. It is so difficult to think like that, I know. Bf is so lovely. It's hard to give it up. If ff is nicer for you all then go with it but you should maybe give the bf another shot for your own sake.

Please don't get too hung up on weight. Babies don't gain steadily.

Have you tried feeding vertically? Rather than horizontal, iyswim. It can be useful to reduce wind. Google biological nurturing to see a video so you get the idea.

Good luck!

My DS screamed and pulled away from the breast. It improved on cutting out dairy but got worse again. I had replaced dairy with soya and was eating loads of eggs. DS is allergic to dairy, soya, eggs, nuts, chickpeas, lentils and sesame . Once he had been properly tested and I cut these out of my diet he was fine and I bf until he was 2.

Have you considered keeping a food diary?

I should clarify a couple of things

The ebm and formula were in separate bottles

It took three weeks to get her to take the boob but it took a further seven weeks before she was ebf. Every bottle means two expressing sessions. It evens out eventually.

Sleep goes through phases. Sleep this week doesn't mean sleep next week. Formula doesn't equals sleep.

Thanks for all the sympathetic responses!
Joskar - do you mean it took two expressing sessions to produce one bottle?

Trixy - I feel I eat so many different things that keeping a food diary could be quite complicated... Any tips? How did you find out your dc was allergic to those things? What do you mean properly tested?

Thanks x

I could have written your op right down to the having TT cut twice
I'm mix feeding atm too, and cried the first time I gave dd a bottle
It's great now though as where DS wouldn't take a bottle at all, dd will and it comes in handy I don't express any more, I did, but it caused problems because I then had over supply. (Fast let down, I also think too much fore milk) and this made her latch, then splutter and pull away, bite (to slow flow) and she had very foamy poos.
She is allergic to fish I think, as when I have it, she s-c-r-e-a-m-s the place down all night, so agree with the food diary and see if you can get dd tested.
You've done really well don't forget (as I was told, and I felt very supported by mners) happy mum = happy baby

Could you describe what happens when you feed her?

DS has CMPA & soy allergies and it has been tough going.

I remember 16-24 weeks being a battle to feed him in the day as the world was too interesting. Night feeds were always easier.

Don't really have any advice just to let you know your not a failure but I know how you feel, DD is only 5 weeks old but we had her TT snipped at around a week old buy despite a better latch she fussed at the breast and just got in a state crying and going on and off but takes a bottle of formula or expressed just fine. Been advised by a NCT counsellor to try skin to skin before she's too hungry and to try the biological nurturing positions whrich I tried last night but she still didn't take. I know it's easy to feel bad or guilty but as long as your baby is happy and healthy then your doing the right thing by them

flopsy this is a puzzle. Babies do sometimes want to stop bf early but there is always a reason. My guess from your history is that there are some allergy/intolerances here that have interfered with a smooth bf relationship from the start but I reckon that's your conclusion too.

I think sometimes these issues are confused with tt that is it's not the tt that's interfering with normal bf but the allergy/intolerance problem.

There may be ways to get an opinion from a paediatric allergist if you want to persue bf. if not then you can recreate the closeness and intimacy of bf with a bottle and that might help your feelings. Bottle feed responsively, skin to skin when you can, keep bottle giving to you and your partner only in the main.

Hope things get better soon.

Thanks so much for all your support.

Super worm - she will latch, feed for between 3 and 30 seconds and then scream, writh, push away, arch her back, then re-latch. Then it all starts again.

Occasionally she'll feed happily, most often when she first wakes - 11pmish - for 15+ minutes with little of the above. Generally though, this always happens. She will often have a calmer bf first thing - 7-8am but this will rarely go beyond 5 minutes - just there's less screaming than in the middle of the day if I try.

We've tried reflux cures but no change and she doesn't mind lying flat x

DS was in ranitidine 1ml four times a day from six weeks. We had to titrate it often as he grew or he struggled. Eventually he was switched to omeprazole. Reflux gets worse with teething or illness took it's to complicate things!

DS was happy lying flat at this age too but feeding was tricky. Once he could roll on his own he always slept on his front.

He also reacted to eggs and nuts early on but is fine with these now. Getting tested usually involves a skin prick test. DS didn't react to anything thankfully but is still allergic to dairy/soy as a delayed allergy.

Exclusion diets involve eating low allergy foods such as rice, potatoes, chicken etc and then reintroducing high risk foods, gluten, nuts, eggs, etc to see if they react.

That said, it is incredible hard BFing an allergy baby. I have done it for almost two years now and it is tough going. If I had another allergic child I would think seriously about neocate and not feel guilty. You have done brilliantly to get this far.