It was my first day back at work today - I was home by 3.30pm and actually loved being in the office, but then I came home to a grumpy baby and felt so guilty.
This is my DC1, he is three months old, and I will be working three days a week. I have expressed so my mother can give DS bottles.
I planned to pump at work, but only had time to get 60mls, between meetings.
To make it worse DS refused to breastfeed at bedtime - he was happy to take the boob at 4pm but at 7pm I couldn't get him to latch on. He just wriggled and screamed, but when I tried a bottle he took 120ml quite happily...
Feel like this is the beginning of the end of breastfeeding, which I am so sad about.
I just feel so conflicted. I love my job and I am good at it (probably better than I am at being a mother).
But I can't bear the idea that DS is missing me, or that he prefers the bottle to me!
I love him so much, but I really struggled being at home and tbh it felt great to be back at work. I just wish I didn't feel so torn.
Sorry to moan, I just haven't had much luck explaining to DH how difficult this is...