What would you do?

[Emma7]

Feeling so
My gorgeous Bfed DD is 13weeks now and still only weighs 9llb 9 (was 8.2 at birth) she is a lively, happy little girl and is rolling over, chuckling, holding rattles etc (advanced for her age if anything).
She feeds very frequently and always has done. I see lots of swallowing but she can get lazy after 10 mins or so and falls asleep or stops trying IYKWIM. I have sought loads of help with BF and attend weekly baby cafe sessions where they have looked at attachment etc.
I have seen a different HV today who said that if I am really concerned to see my GP and get refered to a paediatrician.
Why can't I feed my baby? I've tried so hard to do the right thing but now I'm worried that I've harmed her. Should I give her formula don't even know how much she should be having or what formula to use

Emma, don't be sad and try not to get stressed as this could affect your supply. From what you have said about your dd's developement I wouldn't worry too much and your HV doesn't seem too worried either. The cavalry will be along soon with excellent advice.

my dd never fed for more than 10 mins at 13 weeks and that was her sleepy night feeds. nothing i did could make her take both boobs either. she fed every 1.5 hrs during daytime hours and i used to worry that she would never go longer than 2 hrs. if she didn't want it, she didn't want it. she was only a dot at 5 months but when i saw the paediatrician about her eczema, he took a long look at her with her naked on the mat and holding both feet up in the air. He said admirably [i think] - very thriving baby. what a glorious moment for me. it still makes me glow 10 months later.

continue feeding your baby just like you are.

Don't beat yourself up about it Emma7 - it sounds as if you're doing absolutely brilliantly. My DS rarely fed for more than 10 minutes either, and he was always absolutely fine. Hopefully some BF experts will be along with some more advice.

You are feeding your baby - she's happy, she's lively, you're doing a great job.

The longest my dd would ever go between feeds until she was about 5 months old was 2 hours - it was usually less than an hour and a half. She would only feed for a few minutes too. It will get better, I promise you that, but for now this is the way she likes to feed - you're not doing anything wrong, and neither is your baby.

Eventually she'll find her own rhythm and the feeds will get longer and the timing of them more predictable - but for now she's just going with the flow!

Thank you. I have calmed down a bit. It was just the thought that there was something wrong and she needed to see a paediatrician. She will soon fall off the bottom of the charts too - that can't be right can it? I just feel guilty - if Ihad 'given her a bottle' like some family members suggested earlier would she be a big baby by now? Have I made her go hungry?

If she was hungry, she wouldn't be happy and developing as fast as she obviously is. Maybe what the HV meant was that if it would put your mind at rest that there wasn't anything wrong, you could see your GP, but she obviously isn't worried, so don't think you should be .

nope, she would just faff on with the formula too. a friend of mine was 'persuaded' by her hv to give up bf at 4 months because she had a skinny minnie. it turned out she just faffed on with the formula too and remained a skinny minnie. at 2+ yrs her dd is still skinny.

My dd was a dot at birth and by 4 months, only put on 2 pounds. She was breastfeeding little and often, day and night. Wet/pooey nappies, no probs. She was tube fed for first 2 weeks of her life in SCBU (full term though), formula topped with EBM, weeing and poo-ing for England but did not lose or put on weight.

So even stuffing her with milk did nothing.
At nearly 3, she is still a dot and snacking. What can you do ?

She wouldn't be thriving as you describe if she were hungry. dd is also a skinny minnie. Even at almost 5 she is only 13kg ! It doesn't sound as though the HV was overly concerned (unusually!) so try to relax a bit. How often are you getting her weighed, perhaps leave it a month or so as they do slow down.

You could try breast compression, which is meant to improve the quality/quantity of milk your DD gets. This is meant to be good for sleepy babies.

Here is a link.

Emma7 - I made a note to reply to your post, so I am glad you have had so many helpful responses.

My first thing to say is well done for getting to 13 weeks - IMHE it gets easier from now on.

Ignore the birth weight, what weight did you lo go down to? Since then has you lo put on weight albeit slowly? If so don't worry.

My dd1 was 8.10 at birth and went down to 7.9, dd2 was 9lb and went down to 8.2 - measure it from the lower weights.

Ignore the charts they are not helpful - if you are desperate for charts there are purely bf ones on kellymom.com - but tbh I'd ignore charts.

Your dd sounds a joy. It seems that your hv isn't worried so you shouldn't worry.

Also, why on earth would you want to swap to ff - it doesn't have any more calories than bm - and bm has so many fab extras.

What guidance have you been given at the bf cafe etc.

I know what you are going through as I stopped bf dd1 when she was 10 weeks because she was a slow gainer etc - I now realise I should have kept going.

HTH

i also had a slow weight gainer who fed every 2 hours. he fell off the bottom of the charts and was (frankly) a little bit thin. also very active, sounds like you have similar. i think he just burned it off fast. he always gained weight, just not as much as the charts indicated he should.

we saw three different paediatricians as ordered by hv, but since there wasn't a problem it really wasn't worth it. if the baby cafe is happy with your bf and your dd is gaining weight (no matter if a bit slowly) etc then don't worry and just enjoy your baby. i did do weekly weighs for ages too, but paed said bad idea as it will not monitor a trend, just focus on tiny gains - three weekly better, so if you want to carry on with weekly weighing fine, but perhaps look at the longer picture rather than obsess about a few grammes like i did. sorry, bit of an essay but i remember how worrying it is.

(ds put on loads of weight at about 5-6 months and is on 50th centile at 15months - still bf)

Emma, you really have not a thing to be concerned about...not even the teeniest tiniest thing!

Paeds (in my experience) are often very nice people, but they get cross when perfectly healthy babies are referred to them simply to cover an HV's back, who for some reason or other is unable to reassure you of your baby's normal health and development. That is not what this specialist medical service is there for.

Your baby is on the small side, but so what? Her development shows she is doing just fine. You don't need help with breastfeeding. You can go to the baby cafe to support and help other mums - you have now outgrown the help on offer! Now it's time to relax and enjoy the wonderful healthy start you have given your DD

(Callisto - fortunately, stressing and being sad will not affect Emma's milk supply in any way at all )

Thank you everyone. I will carry on and stuff the charts!
Every now and then I seem to have a crisis about this and worry about her (as TikTok knows I posted on here before about this!). It has really helped to hear about all your healthy but small babies. I know that she is happy and developing well it is just worrying when your 3 month old baby is still in newboorn clothes and only on size 2 nappies !