Breastfeeding to sleep - how much of an issue is it?

[hestergraysgarden]

DS is five months old and in most respects a very cheerful, contented baby. In the last few weeks he has responded really well to us introducing a bedtime routine of bath, cuddling and watching In The Night Garden in bed and then turning off the television and then feeding before he sleeps.

I wait until the suction slows down and then gently remove the nipple, putting my finger under his chin. He is usually asleep a few moments later. If he continues to root then I assume he's still hungry and feed him for another few minutes. I rock him a bit before putting him down.

He usually wakes again about 10-15 minutes later so I go up and rock him, and he'll settle within a few minutes.

DH thinks the fact that he doesn't self-settle is a massive issue and on the rare occasions he does bedtime, DS will scream the house down because DH puts him in his cot when he is awake and tries to settle him by patting his chest and talking to him (it is a side car cot so DH lays next to him). DH invariably ends up feeling frustrated and a failure.

I've tried this technique when trying to settle him for daytime naps, which he always fights, and find it very stressful for both me and DS.

What I am doing feels natural and instinctual but DH thinks we are setting ourselves up for massive problems around sleep when he is a bit older. I'm half going along with DH because I read so many contradicting things in the baby books that I don't know whether to go with instinct or with the advice that says feeding / rocking your baby to sleep is the worst thing you can do. I also agree to some extent that the self-settling is an issue as he wakes very often during the night (every hour) but obviously isn't always hungry. I tend to rock him to sleep when he wakes and only feed him if he tries to eat my collarbone.

So I wondered if anyone with older babies / toddlers who were fed to sleep had any words of wisdom (or caution!) to help me make up my mind on the best approach now that DS is getting a little older?

PS. I know MN can sometimes get a bit nasty when it comes to husbands 'knowing best' when it comes to child rearing. It's really not like that. DH is a great Dad and is very supportive. He's just trying to help, albeit in his usual bull in a china shop fashion

My DD is 15 months old. I always fed her to sleep and she started to not need it around 11 months old. Now I feed her, brush her teeth and she goes down wide awake. She's asleep within minutes (no crying). Breastmilk is designed to help them sleep, it's full of hormones that do exactly that. You're doing the right thing your LO will get there eventually

Exactly what Elvis said.

My son was feed to sleep until about 8 months now I just put him down awake and he drifts off.

No sleep training necessary.

Feeding to sleep works for a reason. Why on earth do you think its hard to get babies to self settle?

Because they're not ready when most people try!

Feeding to sleep is magic.

I fed both of mine to sleep. Theyre 4&2 now and don't need it any more.

DS is currently feeding to sleep. He's 19 months.

But once I put him in the cot he will almost certainly be asleep until give seven in the morning so its working for us.

Hello, I fed my dd to sleep for 2 years at bedtime. We had exactly the same concerns as you at various stages, my husband was also worried that it wasn't the right thing to do, and so many books and things you read about sleep tell you that you must teach them to self settle blah blah. My dd would never settle on her own by being patted or whatever, she just wouldn't and i didnt see the point of upsetting her over it, in my view she was still a baby and she still needed me, and that was fine. She would go to sleep in her pram for naps and occasionally be rocked to sleep at home (I mean like twice a year ) but every night I fed her to sleep, until it just felt right to stop. We'd cut down day feeds over a few months til she was feeding only at night, then when that had been going ok for a few weeks, one day when she was around 2, I just thought, I'm ready to try this, and I think she is too... And I just read stories to her until she fell asleep. She did wriggle a bit and ask for milk but I just cuddled her and it worked in the end. After that we never went back to feeding to sleep, and a week or two after that I stopped feeding her in the night when she woke.

I realise that in some ways this isn't massively helpful, not everyone wants to carry on that long - I didn't plan to, I just decided to go with the flow til it felt right to stop - but I guess what I'm saying is, it's ok! Certainly at 5 months, which is still a baby, it is ok to feed to sleep. At some point it will feel right for you to do things differently, and then you will. I also think that for me it was important that I stayed with her cuddling her, telling stories, singing, etc, so she had all the lovely snuggling with mummy she was used to, and the only thing missing was the milk. Now a couple of months later my mum or dh can get her off to sleep with stories and singing too.

I hope that is a bit helpful, in a nutshell I'm saying don't worry about what the books say and what might happen in the future, just do what feels right for you.

I fed my son to sleep until he was 18m. When I stopped he fell asleep fine by himself.

Breast milk has sleep hormones in it. You are fighting against nature if you try not to feed to sleep. Just go with it.

I always fed dc1 to sleep - in the end she was waking every 45 mins....and I mean every 45 mins throughout the night. It was physically a very hard time for us as she didn't know how to self settle. At 6.5 months we started putting her down awake. Within 3 nights she fell asleep herself and would sleep 5 hour stretches. I bf her til 8 months.

Dc2 is bf and I have put him down to sleep awake since 3 weeks old.

I still feed one year old dd to sleep. If dp is looking after her he rocks her or carries her in a sling till she goes off. I prefer to sit and feed her and read a book

Thanks for all your replies - they are very reassuring. I've been feeling very mutinous about the self settling thing lately as his bedtime feed is such a lovely experience for both of us that I'm loathe to replace it with something so unpleasant that goes against all my instincts. As I said above (and as your replies have implied) the instincts must be there for a reason!

WaitingForPeterWimsey thanks for the book recommendation - it just so happens that I have an Amazon voucher twiddling its thumbs on my account so I'll definitely read it :)

Certainly not an issue I fed dd1 to sleep until around 15 months I only stopped as it stopped working 3 hour feeds and still no sleep type of thing. But then she has and still does at 3 always fight sleep. Dd2 I stopped feeding her to sleep based on her cues she started getting fussy on the breast so I lay her down on the bed and she went to sleep one night and we carried on from there. I think she was around 5-6 months we still do feed to sleep on occasions (9.5m) but only because she is so tired she falls asleep on the breast.

My baby can self settle in her cot and still pissing well wake up a billion times in the night wanting a feed. It's not a magic sleep cure IME. I've noticed no difference on the nights she self settles to the ones I drop her in the cot in a milk coma.

First child fed to sleep until he self weaned @ 16 months. Since then we replaced feeding with lying down cuddling. Takes 5 mins for him to fall asleep. I breastfeed our daughter to sleep to for her naps and nighttime, also takes 5 mins. Don't see the problem and it's a lovely end to the day.

Ps both children sleep in their own rooms and sleep 12hrs a night.

Didn't feed DS1 to sleep - I'd read the books and knew what a disaster it would be to get into such a bad habit! TBH it wouldn't have worked anyway as he was rather refluxy and would puke if I lay him down straight after feeding. DH and I spent a lot of time and effort "helping DS1 to learn to self-settle".

DS2 was a boob monster - not at all refluxy and would start to doze off the instant he latched on (but would wake up pretty quickly if he hadn't filled up and I tried to put him down!) After a few months stressing over the fact I was unintentionally feeding him to sleep I eventually got over myself and just went with the flow.

While I did end up breast feeding DS2 for slightly longer than DS1 (stopped at about 17 months rather than 13 - not long compared to some but I'd reached my limit by then!) I would say that overall the experience of feeding DS2 to sleep was less hassle than the faff we thought was so important with DS1. There have been no long-term sleep implications for either of the boys!

If I were to have another I would definitely feed-to-sleep, co-sleep, and ignore any nonsense about having a routine (other than ensuring plenty of awake time and milk during the day to encourage sleep at night!)

Just out of interest, what impact did you going back to work have on breastfeeding? Is it realistic of me to expect DS to be weaned during the daytime by his first birthday and then only feed at bedtime?

From 11 months my son fed just after getting up in the morning and last thing before bed so had I worked back then it wouldn't have been a problem. Only have that experience though, but it is obviously very common for babies to drop to just a few feeds a day by 1 year.

DD is 14 months and is still BF to sleep. The difference here is that I really want to stop but she will scream for hours if we put her in her cot awake. If you're happy with it, there's no problem.

I went back to work when she was 10 months old so she gets a feed first thing in the morning, is at nursery all day drinking either water or cow's milk, and then I feed her when I collect her and all bloomin' night so it is possible.

Fed both mine to sleep, still feed DS2 to sleep at bedtime (but not naps). DS1 just sort of outgrew it, wasn't a problem at all.

Oh, and I went back to work at 10 months with DS1 and a year with DS2. In both cases they were still having feeds morning and evening with an expressed bottle or feed at lunchtime depending on if I was in work or not, which DS1 dropped around 15 months. Stayed feeding him morning and evening for another year.

Hester that sounds very doable. Dd is one and over the last couple of weeks has dropped her last daytime breastfeed, just in time for her to start nursery later this month.

Hester, thanks for posting this as I am in a v similar situation with my 6 mo DD. I also feed to sleep but lately have been worrying myself that I am creating a ' feed to sleep association'. Great to read so many reassuring responses, no chance of the baby drifting off to sleep here yet so the magic boob will remain in service for now.

My daughter needed help sleeping w breastfeed, and or rocking when young. By the time she was a few months old, learned to just go down. I'm hoping my son will learn eventually. With him we use a pacifier to settle him. He might spit out and cry once. We put back in and he sleeps...then spits out and stays asleep! Thankfully! I just hope he will be able to settle later on w out it!

Agree with all the other posters on here. I feed DS to sleep but can't even remember when we stopped. It all just happened naturally with no screaming or tantrums. He goes to bed quite happily. Sometimes he sleeps all night in his own room, sometimes he wakes up and climbs into our bed. He did last night and I didn't even notice. Just woke up and he was there. He's nearly four now.

Regarding going to work, you'll probably find that your DD will want a BF if you are there but will take milk quite happily from a cup if you're not.

I think it's one of those things that's only a problem until it's a problem, IYKWIM. Baby who drifts off quickly to sleep at the boob at bedtime and once or twice at night == not a problem for most people, hoorah for the soporific power of boob; baby who wakes up every hour demanding more feed to get back to sleep == probably a problem, unless you have mysteriously little need for sleep yourself.

I really hate all this "rod for your own back" shite that makes parents think they should stop doing something THAT WORKS PERFECTLY WELL FOR THEM just in case it might cause a problem later on. Grrrr.