Need to night wean and am in need of moral support!

[Jakeyblueblue]

Ds is 2.6 and still bf. I'm totally for extended bf and ideally would let him self wean but we've ttc number two for over a year now and I suspect it's the bf that's the culprit. I know loads of people do get pregnant whilst bf, but for me, the more ds feeds the shorter my LP becomes and more irratic my cycle, so can see a direct link. I'm 35 now but dh is almost 15 years older and we don't want to delay number 2 anymore, just in case it's not the bf and we need to get some help fertility wise iyswim.
I weaned across the day about four months ago as I felt these were the feeds that were less important to him, leaving a bed time feed, once or twice in the night and then first thing, but the night time ones are becoming more frequent. My cycle was pretty regular after I first day weaned and now it's starting to go astrAy again as he seems to be on and off all night. We co sleep so always on tap too.
I'm sure you are all thinking, sounds simple to me, just wean, but I guess my hearts not in it but my head knows I've got to. Ds will benefit more in the long run from a sibling, than a few more months bf during the night. It's just I've never let him cry for anything. Ever. And just feel like I'm doing him a total injustice for something that may or may not happen. . So difficult. Anyone who says people who bf toddlers do it for themselves is having a laugh! This is totally for his benefit now!!
Anyway, have read all the stuff and can't see any miracle way of going about this. Day weaning went much better than I hoped but I could distract him. He's never gone to bed without a boob in his whole life so think will have to tackle the bed time feed last and after I've night weaned.
Just looking for any pearls of wisdom or words of support. Or someone to tell me I'm doing the right thing. Don't know anyone who has bf as long as me. Friends and family think I should just go cold turkey etc and can't see why I'm struggling with this. But when youve never bf on demand for this amount of time, you've no idea how
difficult it is to just stop.

Hello, I've done it and it was easier than I thought my ds is 3 next month and we night weaned about 6 months ago and things have been much better for all of us. I don't know if I did it the right way but it worked for us, I said at bedtime that there was no more until morning as my boobs were tired and needed a sleep but when morning came they would work again. He accepted it pretty well until the night came then made quite a bit of fuss but I was really commuted as just so knackard, I gave him water and lots of cuddles and things got better after about 3 nights. The only thing I wish I'd done is be more definite when morning was as initially it was after 6 then 5.55 then ended up at 4.55 and we were going backwards. That's when I said in the end that actually it only works at bed time but got him warm milk in a beaker in the morning which he wasn't fussed with. He still wakes up between 4-6am but comes in our bed and is asleep within seconds until about 7.15 which I'm happy with. I think in some ways it's easier as they understand a bit more but it is hard at the beginning but I knew once I'd made the choice that had to be it otherwise we'd never get anywhere. Good luck though, it's tough but that first 7 hour stretch of sleep makes everyone happier!

I think that first night or so he was in with me all night and I just cuddled him loads, he did get quite upset a couple if times and I'm the same as you and never let him cry so I would kind of wake him up and tell him a story then we would get a drink then he'd fall asleep again. He also turned it into a bit of a joke where he would ask and and I'd say no in a funny voice rather than coming across as feeling sorry for him. I'm pregnant now by the way and still feeding him, was thinking if trying to get rid if that last feed at some point but it seems pointless as my boobs will no longer be anything to do with me again soon! Sorry I've written such an essay, but really know how you feel.

I am in exactly the same position with a19 month old boob monster. I've tried the Jay Gordon method but it is so easy to slip back during the first three nights....

Hi Jake, think I remember you from a ttc while bfing thread (although have NC'd since). Sorry to hear you've had no success.

I totally understand and sympathise and felt exactly the same as you do when we were ttc number 2 (DD is 15wo and currently asleep with my nipple in her mouth - we've come a full cycle!)

We decided to give it until DS was 2 before making any drastic decisions, so at least then he will have had two full years of the benefit if bfing. You've already made that, which is amazing. Congratulations and well done.

In the end I got pg before then (not sure how, had crazy short LP, just lucky I guess). But we decided to try and wean as I really didn't fancy tandem feeding. We started with night feeds, as I was so knackered from the pregnancy, and followed the jay Gordon method when I was about 12weeks (which I'm sure you've read about already). It really wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. We had probably 3 or 4 bad nights, but they weren't terrible - prob about 40 minutes crying each night in total. I liked it because it didn't involve leaving him on his own, I could still cuddle him and provide comfort. We also didn't have to give up co-sleeping, which we all love so that was also a bonus (although DH is currently co-sleeping with him in another room as dd and I are hogging our bed!)

I too have zero tolerance for crying and am a 'mollycoddle til I die' kinda mum. But once I had done one night I was kind of motivated to continue, as I felt I couldn't put him through it all for nothing. Also, the consequence of not weaning before DD's arrival would be too harsh, as I knew I wouldn't hack tandem feeding and weaning after her arrival would almost certainly not help sibling bonding. So try and hold in your mind the long term benefits of weaning him, when he's crying his heart out for the boob. You're doing it to give him a sibling, which will ultimately benefit him hugely.

The other good thing about the method we chose was that it was incremental, lots of small changes rather than everything changing at once. It felt manageable and at every step, I could feel it getting easier.

Once we got the wakings sorted (he still woke/wakes but is happy with just a cuddle/pat now), we got DH to start putting him to bed with stories whispered in the dark. That was insultingly easy, quite frankly, and I was annoyed we hadn't really tried it before, as I just assumed he'd kick off!

I'm wittering now, but hope it's helpful. Good luck and feel free to pm me or post here if you'd like to know more.

Oops, posted before I'd finished.
Root, that sounds encouraging that you managed to go cold turkey at night, although your ds is quite a bit older.
I too have never let her cry for anything but am so desperate now - she has never ever slept through. The best I've had is only three night wakings, which is no good. I get migraines that last for days as I can't sleep them off and can't take anything much as am bfing.
Has to stop. I need a second baby so she has a sibling. It's just so hard when she clearly enjoys bfing so much.
Anyway, sorry to hijack OP. Very best of luck. I bought 'Nursies when the Sun Shines' today - a book from amazon explaining to toddlers they can only feed in the day. It seems ok but not great. Lying here waiting for her first wake up. Will see how it goes......

Also, think tackling the bedtime feed last is a good plan. I think the reason that one was the easiest was because he had already got used to falling to sleep without it. We did go through a period of him still wanting the boob when mummy did bedtime but that gradually changed over time as DH did more and more bedtimes, until either of us could do it with cuddles and stories.

Unfortunately slave, night weaning did nothing to stop mine waking. But at least it means DH can share the load.

Thanks everyone for your lovely replies. Def needed some positive stories!
Holy have you name changed? Don't recall you on another post. I left the ttc whilst bf one in the end as was getting too disheartening as everyone else pregnant! Fab news you've got number two though!
Root and Slavs, thanks for the tips. I'm going to start on Thursday as day off Friday. In all fairness, the day weaning was over in a week with minimal tears so maybe I'm not giving him enough credit!
I've looked into jay Gordon but not sure it will work with ds as he doesn't actually fall asleep on boob, he rolls off of his own accord, turns over, and is then asleep. I could take some of the principles from it though.
My rough plan is to explain that boobies are only for when we have our story and after that they are going to sleep. I'm then just going to try rocking him and offering a drink and just try and get through a six hr stretch.
I leave for work at 7.15 three days a week and ds is a late sleeper so is still asleep. Dh or my mum (she stays one night a week to help with childcare) can settle him this way, with minimal fuss and he doesn't usually stir until about half 9 - so he can do it!
I've thought about sleeping elsewhere and putting dh in with him but I don't think I could lie in the room next door, listening to him calling for me and crying. Might have to go down this route though, if my other plan fails!

I NC'd Jakey, but was more of a lurker and only posted a couple of times.

Sounds like your plan is a good one. My DS was the same, in that he'd feed then roll off and go to sleep, so we just skipped the first stage too and went for the 6 hours with no boob. Having a cut off point was helpful from my pov, as it gave me an end point. It really wasn't as bad as I feared, at its worst we got him up a couple of times and gave him a drink and snack to calm him down and take his mind off things. Within a week, we were done and dusted with night feeds (still bloody wakes up though) so stay strong.

I also liked the "pay the baby" theory. If he does well and you feel more rested, pay him back by doing something extra fun and nice with him the following day. Planning those nice days out made me feel less terrible and evil.