giving up at 3 weeks, giving in too early or tried my best?

[sprite25]

I've had various problems with BF from the start but even at its worst I've carried on. My decision isn't based solely on one night but after a really awful night with DD last night I really feel like I just can't do it anymore. Besides the physical benefits of breast milk, I don't feel like its doing either of us any good. DD seems constantly unsettled and I feel stressed and in pain, I don't feel like its helped us bond at all. I will still feed her from me when I feel I can and express as much as I can to give her while its still there but I can't help feeling like its just not working out. Is 3 weeks too early to make that decision? Is it long enough for her to have long term benefits of breast milk? They say happy mum = happy baby but on the feeding side of things im just not. Gave her a bottle this morning and despite only taking 2 ounces she's zonked out and let me put her down in her bouncy chair, she's NEVER like that even after hours of BF.

It is really hard at the start, well done for doing as much as you have already. Have you seen a breastfeeding counsellor? Sometimes it really helps for someone to see you feed and help with latch and positioning, to make sure the baby is feeding effectively. Some babies also have tonge tie ( which I don't know anything about but just thought I would mention!) which can mean they struggle to latch on properly I think. Seeing a BFC really helped me in the first few weeks so get into comfy positions for feeding and for reassurance that we were doing ok. I'm sure someone more knowledgeable than me will be along soon but just though I'd share my experience. I found it only really became easy after about 6 weeks, so if you can get some help and manage to carry on you might be glad you did. On the other hand, if it's really not for you, you've done a brilliant job already so don't feel bad. I hope that helps even a little bit!

I agree with Slice, it wasn't till 5 weeks that I realised it had stopped hurting. And it was a few more weeks till I was confident feeding out and about, after joining a bf group.

I was glad I had persevered.

Do whatever you're happiest with. Your baby will undoubtedly had some benefit from BFibg, but you're right that ultimately, both of untouched being happy is most important.

If you would like to continue if it were better, ask for some support. Your health visitor might be able to send someone round, or there are phone helplines you could ring (I hear La Leche League are very good at this).

If your baby isn't settling and it is hurting then it could be something like a bad latch, or tongue tie, both which can be fixed.

To find a counsellor locally who can come to you / find a fb drop in group, contact La Leche League, NCT Breastfeeding helpline or Breastfeeding Network. Am on phone so can't post links but if you google those you should find the phone numbers.

Bf drop in not fb!

How is your RL support? Do you have a supportive partner? Family nearby? This is the hardest bit so make sure you have as much help as you can get. You say you've just had an awful night; you don't have to make a decision now. If expressing is going well, give some expressed feeds. You must have plenty of milk so that's good news.

Maybe your LO is trying to up production at the moment in anticipation of needing more milk shortly. I remember when DS had his first nightmare growth spurt - I did nothing but google and MN and KellyMom in a panic. He also had tongue tie; he still does as a matter of fact as I decided not to get it snipped. It's well worth seeing a bf counsellor, I found that very reassuring and helpful.

I could have written your post when ds was 3 weeks- he's now 5 months. Know exactly how you're feeling. I saw a lactation consultant at 4 weeks and she was helpful but surprised I was still trying...at 3 weeks ish i started introducing bottles and it made such a difference. Suddenly happy baby and happy mummy. I started expressing too (took a while to get the hang of it) and for quite a while fed a third each- bf, ff and expressed bottles. This saved my sanity and helped me get more rest and i became a better mum. Baby much happier too. At 5 months the proportion of ff has increased (I now pump once a day as opposed to several) but mix feeding has broadly worked out for us. In the mornings I bf from bed which is lovely and then he is mostly bottle fed with occasional boob snacks. Was aiming to bf till christmas but this system now works well for us so will try and keep it up for another few weeks if I can. If you start giving formula or even give up bf completely you dont have to justify your decision to anyone. Just worth speaking to an expert first and ruling out any latch issues (in my case latch fine just very slow flow which doesnt satisfy him)

I think I limped through to five or six weeks, then got an abscess that had to be excised surgically and completely lost heart. The grief involved in trying to decide whether to stop was hideous, but he took to formula brilliantly and we moved on to the next drama. Can't remember what it was now.

I think what I'm trying to say is, I'm definitely not trying to encourage you to abandon bf-ing, but I did, and it was all OK. I'm glad I kept it going till five or six weeks, though. I think if you stop at 3 weeks, you may suffer more from wondering if you gave up too soon?
HTH. Lots of good help in other posts.

It's up to you when you stop, if you feel ready it's never too soon. However, I agree with the others it's probably worth looking for some real life support if you're not entirely sure of if you would like to still breast feed if you could solve some of the problems. There is also often a growth spurt around 3 weeks, so you might well find the feeds/wakings space out again a bit in a few days.

If it helps, DD was a nightmare as a baby and having FF her three older brothers I couldn't help but wonder if it was the BF. I was in agony in the early weeks too. I was absolutely determined to BF though as I had given up with my first three DC and regretted it later on when I wasn't so exhausted and was thinking more clearly. Things just gradually got better and we nursed until DD self weaned at 26 months in the end.

But no one can make this decision but you. 3 weeks is great though so well done. Honestly if I'd given up at 3 weeks it would have been such a shame because that's just when it started to get easier.

I think before I make any quick decisions im going to ask my MW if there's anyone locally who can give me some 1 to 1 support and see if they can identify the problem with her latch and why its painful. I've still found it tons easier giving her bottles today but I managed to express just over an ounce (doesn't sound like much but my most so far) and my boobs have really been leaking today (sorry TMI) but made me think it would be a shame to give up completely and waste the milk if its there. I dont know how quickly breast milk starts to dry up?

Do what you feel is best for you. If you deep down feel that you would like to continue, but you are struggling, then by all means ask for support. If you deep down know you want to stop then as long as you know its right for you then don't feel pressured into anything else.

Mixed feeding might be right for you...it has worked for us as our LO was feeding for about 1.5hours and still unsatisfed, and not gaining weight satisfactorily, but we have been made to feel very guilty about it! Balls to it though, its working for us.

Carrying on BF might also be right for you, as may FF. Only you can decide!

If you feel its worth carrying on though, you will need some support for sure, as it isn't easy, but its the sort of thing where if you give up and regret it, its hard to fix...and don't place too much emphasis on militant pro breastfeedimg groups e.g. LLL, or the Kellymom website, a lot of their info can be biased and is the equivalent of looking on a Cow and Gate website for advice! Go with your heart and what will work for you.

Best of luck, and know that whatever you choose, it was the best choice for you and your LO.

I remember 3 weeks being tough, and then it got easier, dd was more settled, and we grew to love it. Still feeding at 18months. I'm SO glad I stuck with it.. I nearly quit too. I say persevere, and if it's still not working in a couple of weeks or so, think about change. All up to you of course, go with your heart xx

I've been having to give bottles of formula with whatever I can express as tried to put her on me yesterday but she just sucked on the end of my nipple and it was so painful I had to take her straight back off. I think she's too used to bottle teats and dummies that its kind of too late and she wouldn't be able to go back onto the breast now. I've been using a breast pump but can only get just over an ounce using both breasts and already the left one only seemed to have a few squirts and drips last night, could they be drying up already after only 1 day of not breast feeding?

haven't read all the other replies but just wanted to say do consider mixed feeding! it worked really well for me with my first - my nipples were completely destroyed after a couple of weeks bf my first so no way I could have ebf but introducing a few bottles a day allowed me to keep going, without any real supply issues. in the end to let myself heal I had a couple of weeks without putting him on the breast at all, but just expressing to keep supply going. then I was able to increase breastfeeds again, and he had a couple of weeks where he was ebf before starting solids.

well done for getting this far anyway!

What you express is no indication of supply, so don't worry about that.

Definitely 3 weeks was the hardest time for me with my oldest, he seemed to just feed or poop constantly! :)

If you can get real life support as suggested, they might be able to help with th e painful latch.

I felt like you at 3 weeks, it really is a tough time. I fed dd expressed milk from a bottle for 2 weeks solid before I tried her on boob again. Allowed nipples to heal, she is now 20 weeks old and all but one feed ( before bed) are on the breast . I'd give myself little goals to reach, eg I'll get to 4 weeks then get formula. Then when I got to 4 weeks I thought il get to 5 and so on, ATM I plan to stop at 6 months lol good luck xxx

Can you have 48 hrs with her just laying skin to skin on you. Just in nappy and wrap her in your cardigan. Let her feed little and often day and night

Ds1 was just a lazy baby. If it was too much like hard work he just didn't bother. He's still like that as a teen.
I lasted to about 3-4 weeks when it became clear that the long sleeps between feeds were from exhaustion and he was too tired and listless to feed. I tried loads of things to build up my dwindling supply, but somewhere along the way I just gave up and switched to bottle. He was a changed baby from then - finished every bottle every 3 hours and upped to huge amounts (he was a large baby) and he never looked back.
With ds2 I tried again and it did work better - I managed to feed for 3-4 months, but I never enjoyed it and stopped before I needed to in terms of going back to work.
By all means get in more support if carrying on means a lot to you, but don't beat yourself up if you decide this is it. What you've done already will have been of great benefit in terms of that early colostrum.

I think noblegiraffe has made a great point. Would you carry on if it was more comfortable? If so, call in as much professional support as you can. This is your HV's job! Ask them what is available.

Don't worry about volume when expressing. What always amazes me is how little I get in the first 10-20 minutes, but then how it starts to spurt out. It can be a slow process.

Three weeks us a really tough stage. The fatigue us catching up with you, the enormities of what you've let yourselves in for has hit home, and the reality of breastfeeding on demand (ie all day done days!) is upon you. This doesn't last forever!

If you fear nipple confusion, try making sure she's taking enough boob. Nipple feeding is painful! If you google exaggerated latch or flipple technique you'll see how to get more boob in. DD still does a bit if cheek sucking rather than jaw moving during her first feed after having a bottle. Don't be scared to delatched and start again.

I found bf got easier at 3/4 weeks, and then at 6 weeks the fog lifted and everything suddenly seemed much easier. I now love that I can just whip a boob out anywhere and feed without worrying about washing and sterilising, or how many ounces she's taken.

DD is now 11 weeks, ebf (bar a couple of bottles of formula yesterday when I snuck out for a massage and swim!) and sleeping through. If you want to continue, it can be so easy in just a few weeks.

All that said (and sorry for the essay!), continuing or stopping is entirely your choice. I remember your previous thread. You've done brilliantly.

I gave up BF and still regret it 30 years on!! It is a very emotional thing, so I would advise battling on, though 3 weeks is good as it is the very early days and will have benefitted baby.

I managed to get her latched on fine last night with no pain but after a little while she started fidgeting, crying and painfully twisting her head about with my nipple still in her mouth. She's only started this recently and think its what started to make it painful. Going to talk with MW today about why she might be doing this but in all honesty, in the time we have been giving her bottles over the weekend (either formula or expressed milk) I haven't missed the actual breastfeeding at all

Baby has had 3 weeks of BM - you've done very well.

Don't feel guilty about stopping - no good is to come of a stressed and unhappy mum. Do whatever works for you.

Maybe investigate tongue tie? Sorry if already been suggested.

S