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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

36 weeks pg...seriously going off idea of bf!

23 replies

Shellywelly1973 · 02/01/2014 17:10

Just that really. I'm exhausted. I just want to be normal. I've never fed longer then 6 weeks. I was full of good intentions to bf for as long as possible but my circumstances have changed dramatically in the last month. Now I'm just thinking to go straight to ff as I will be back at work asap. No support. No rest. Other then people I employ.

But, I feel bad. It feels like every one bf nowadays. I'm a routine, structured sort of mum...bf is time consuming & an extension of pregnancy...

How do other mums who don't want to bf deal with these feelings?

OP posts:

SmileItsANewYear · 02/01/2014 17:41

For personal reasons I never wanted to breastfeed. It wasn't really the "done thing" where I stay. All the Mum's at the groups etc breastfed.

Do what's right for you and your body.

Original poster

Shellywelly1973 · 02/01/2014 18:02

Thanks.

Im in London & it appears that 'everyone' bf.
I have never been to a group!

OP posts:

HavingAnOffDAy · 02/01/2014 19:25

Do what feels right for you.

I FF both DC and that was right for me/us. I have friends who BF and loved it, equally some hated it & really struggled.

Life with a newborn is hard enough without extra pressures!!

Congratulations and good luck

mammainlove · 02/01/2014 20:20

I agree, do what feels right. In my opinion, breast milk is by all means the best for every baby. It contains exactly what your baby needs in terms of nutrition, and comfort etc. If your baby gets sick, say a cold, your breasts telepathically make up the exact antibodies your baby needs to make him/her better! It's perfect. Also you won't need to faff about, sterilising bottles, trying to decide on best formula, warming it up etc.

Of course you're going to be tired out and hormonal, we all are but wouldn't it be just a bit better to be all that, knowing you're giving your baby the best? I can't understand any mother that doesn't want the best for their baby. I know sometimes this isn't possible due to medical reasons etc, but I think you should try it, and persevere. Love and luck xx

Casmama · 02/01/2014 20:27

With all due respect mama, saying do what feels right and then going on to expand on all the virtues of bf with a bit of emotional blackmail is not helpful.

OP you have enough experience of babies to make the decision that is right for you and your family. It is no ones business but yours how you feed your baby so please don't let that impact you doing the right thing for you and yours.

SmileItsANewYear · 02/01/2014 20:34

Bloody hell Mamma complete contradiction in that post.

OP I strongly recommend you to do exactly what you want and what you think will be easiest on your and baby.

Good Luck

Pistachiotruffle · 02/01/2014 20:34

Shelly, from what I remember of your previous posts you've had a really tough time recently. I also think you have a few other dc, so you know what to expect from the bf?

Be kind to yourself and give yourself a break, if FF is right for you and this baby, then do so, and don't worry about what others do or think. After all, they're not the ones feeding your baby!
If it made you feel better, you consider bf or expressing for the first couple of days so baby gets the colostrum, but again, just an option.

mammainlove · 02/01/2014 20:43

It's no contradiction at all. I said to go with what she feels is right. No emotional blackmail, just my personal opinion as stated. I sincerely feel that breastfeeding your baby is the right thing to do..It's obvious, it's primitive. Breastmilk is perfect whereas so many babies have a negative reaction from formula (no surprise, there's so much crap in most of them). OP just sounds a bit sensitive at the moment, I am trying to encourage her and remind her what she already knows deep down xxx

AnythingNotEverything · 02/01/2014 20:53

I agree with other mostly - make a decision you're happy with.

I would like to suggest though, that you may have only seen the worst bits of breastfeeding. DD is 10 weeks and EBF, and it's so easy now. I ff my first, and when I've fed in the night I'm very grateful I don't have to go boil the kettle and pace the kitchen while a bottle warms!

Also, she's now sleeping through. BF babies can do it too!

I do know what you mean about structure though. I've completely given myself over to feeding on demand. I couldn't even tell you how many feeds DD has had today. Some people can't let go of the "how many ounces" race.

I suspect you know what's best for you and your family. Which you choose isn't anyone else's business really.

SmileItsANewYear · 02/01/2014 20:55

Ok if you don't like either contradiction or emotional blackmail I'll leave it at this. Stop preaching to someone who is having a hard time making a decision that a lot of society deems unacceptable.

I never BF my baby, does that mean I don't "want the best for my baby"? Absolutely not. It was me making a decision that was to actually benefit me and my baby. How would you like it if you were BF and someone said to you, you should really FF. Would you have accepted this? I very much doubt it. I don't see what the difference is. If you think that the OP should do what she feels most comfortable then don't follow it up with an onslaught on why she should try BF.

As she said in the OP she has BF before she clearly knows what she is talking about so why should she try something that this time around is going to be really hard for her.

gamerchick · 02/01/2014 21:00

If you're torn.. why don't you compromise? Give your baby your colostrum.. your milk will come in anyway so why waste it.. its only a few days and get that tummy ready for milk and then switch to formula.

It's a win win.

It is so your choice though.. If ff from the off will take a load off then that's more important than anything else.

Mistyshore · 02/01/2014 21:01

It's your choice and you don't need to justify your decision. I didn't bf ds1 and I'm up to nine weeks with ds2. I've got formula and bottles in the cupboard if I choose to move to formula. My only advice after doing both is do what's best for you and your family and don't worry about anyone else.

mammainlove · 02/01/2014 21:05

I'm sorry if you read it like that smiley, I was just trying to be encouraging. All the best :) xxx

PedlarsSpanner · 02/01/2014 21:07

Please tell us what "crap" is in infant formula mammainlove thank you

Misfitless · 02/01/2014 21:08

Please don't feel bad about it. You don't need to justify your decision to anybody.

It's important that you choose the best option for you, if that is FF, then you must not feel guilty, just don't waste your precious energy giving yourself a hard time over it.

I think it's better to ff, than to bf and resent it.

None of us should be martyrs about breast feeding, and none of us should be judgmental.

Mammainlove it's easy for you to say that, because you clearly wanted to do that so therefore it was right for you, which is great.

I've been there, I can remember saying to someone "I think everyone should at least try even if it's only for the first 6 weeks."

I would never say that now, or even think it.

janmk · 02/01/2014 21:11

breastfeeding didnt work for me first time around.....not sure i want to revisit it either. I am not going to feel guilty about giving formula....lo is bright as a button and i totally agree that happy mum, happy baby. If you have ff before then you know it doesnt really matter in the long term and you are soon past the milk phase and into the food fad stage where they choose to eat things you would prefer they didnt anyway....unless you are lucky and have a veg monster. x

Original poster

Shellywelly1973 · 02/01/2014 22:58

I think the problem is nothing is as it should be.

Dp & I are no longer together.

I'm still working.

House isn't organised.

Nothing is ready for baby.

I will be going back to work within weeks of having the baby.

Life will be very hard but I feel like ff is second best for the baby but best for me.

If i had a dp, maternity leave, family support & easier dc then I would bf but I don't...

Thanks for the replies.

OP posts:

Thurlow · 02/01/2014 23:08

I decided to ff from birth mainly for support reasons and am happy with my decision. I felt it was the right decision for us as a family and for how I felt I would cope being mainly on my own with the baby. I did plan on doing the first few days but that didn't work out.

Do what you feel is right for you. Breastmilk might be medically the best option but there are many other factors for you to take into consideration.

LadyMetroland · 02/01/2014 23:12

Look, I am all for bf and would generally encourage it but given your circumstances I would have to agree that ff sounds like a good plan. Bf is difficult when you have other dcs and can't just sit around for hours. A predictable routine is what you need.

Your new baby will love his/her bottles and will certainly not be damaged in any way.

The other thing is that ff babies often seem to sleep a bit better that bf. I know that's not always the case but generally speaking they seem to wake less at night.

The one thing I would add is I DO think it's important to bf the baby your colostrum for the first few days. The health benefits are outstanding and cannot be replicated with formula.

Good luck. I do hope you get some help from family and friends.

AnythingNotEverything · 02/01/2014 23:38

The ISIS study has, I believe, found that while BF babies wake more often than FF babies, breastfeeding mums actually report getting more sleep than FF mums.

You'll see from my post above that I'm not here to convince anyone one way or the other (my preference is that babies get fed, full stop!) but it helps if we stick to evidence based information.

Christelle2207 · 02/01/2014 23:44

I wasnt given a drop of bm when a baby and I turned out fine. Having had a nightmare bf myself I think you are very justified in saying no this time. Do consider giving baby colostrum though. You could always just express it- I fed it to my baby this way.

autumnsmum · 03/01/2014 09:13

Shelly I think I recognise you from sn board do what feels best for you and mamma I found as others have said that that was a very manipulative and blackmailing post .your life may be perfect others have different circumstances .also formula doesn't have to be a fiddle there a a huge variety of ready made formula available now

JingleJemJem · 03/01/2014 09:30

Given your circumstances if you do decide to ff I would suggest getting a Perfect Prep machine if you can afford it - haven't used one personally but friends who have say it has made bottle preparation a doddle and saved loads of faffing. Good luck with your little one :)

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