14mo still won't sleep; driving me nuts

[eversomuch]

DS, 14mo, exbf, goes to bed between 7 & 7:30 each night but wakes up at least twice. Comfort feeds back to sleep. Never took a bottle or dummy & will only settle with me - freaks out if DH goes to him instead. Also, he rarely sleeps during the day.

After more than a year, this is really getting to me. I dread his bedtime; I dread my bedtime bc I know he's going to get me up again & again (like right now as I write this).

I'd like to let him self-wean as DD did, but most of the time now I really can't stand bfing anymore & being the only one who can put him to bed, and being up with him however many times every night & feeling like a chew toy & getting angry and resentful. I really feel like I'm going crazy from the lack of sleep.

I don't even know what to do anymore. Try to wean him? How? I'm just at a loss and feeling angry & miserable, which I hate.

Hi everso, I can really relate to your post having just night weaned my 15 month old DD. She really loved her night time snacks but I had reached the point where I couldn't go on and was sick of not getting a full nights sleep. As much as my DH tried to settle her he couldn't so it was always up to me. I started by cutting out the night feeds and then the breakfast and now I'm getting ready to cut the bedtime one.

She was ebf and never took a bottle or dummy. The first few nights I offered cows milk in a sippy cup (thinkbaby bottle with straw to be exact) which she pushed away. When she didn't want it I held her while she screamed and eventually placed her back in the cot and left the room. Five minutes later I would go back and offered the cup again which she took. The first week there was alot of crying but we are just coming to the end of our first week of her sleeping through every night.

I didn't want her to become dependent on the cup at night so after a while I stopped offering it and just gave her a cuddle instead. When I put her back in the cot she would cry for a few minutes but then settle and sleep until morning.

My DD has a decent nap in the middle of the day, normally around lunch time. Would your DS settle eventually at night if you refused to feed him do you think?

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Failed at posting!

Have you ruled out reflux? Or tongue tie?

I weaned my dd when she was 2 (was pregnant at the time) but she still wakes frequently and shouts for me if my husband goes in to settle her... so it hasn't made an ounce of difference to her sleep. Just thought if mention it - it might work for you, but weaning isn't always the magic solution. Can fully understand why you'd want to though, I completely reached that stage and was terrified I'd still hate feeding when ds came along.

Def not reflux or tongue-tie.

I have tried just cuddling/shushing in the night, but he very clearly wants the boob.

I don't want weaning to be traumatic for him & am not sure I could bear a week of him crying for it. Is there any other way? If I could just get him to sleep through the night somewhat regularly I wouldn't at all mind continuing to bf. it's just the constant waking/feeding that's driving me mad.

Yes agree that weaning may not fix sleep. Didnt with mine.

I think the irritation is a sign that you need more space. Do you get time to yourself? Have you tried going out of an evening? What we did was introduce a beaker of milk before my feed as part of making a break. I kept on (and keep on with my youngest who's 2) BF. but the beaker and DH reading a bedtime story meant we could get DH to start taking over. Yes there would be tears and I would feel guilty but they would settle down.

Have you ruled out teething? Might be worth considering.

My youngest dropped night feeds of her own accord whereas my eldest I had to get DH to go and resettle him at night and I'd only feed at certain times. Again there was crying and I would go in if DH couldn't settle him but after a while it worked and reduced the night wakes.

Some people have success with the jay gordon method - I don't know how it works but worth checking?

Yes, I definitely could use some space and time to myself. I have not been away from him for more than 3 or 4 hours since he was born and haven't had a night out since well before he was born.

I do have plans two weeks from now -- I booked theatre tickets months ago, naively assuming he'd be better at going to bed without me by now. DH and I have tried getting DS use to DH just giving him a cuddle before bed but he freaks out until I go back to the room, won't drink from his cup, won't stay still.

I'm afraid the night I go out in a couple of weeks is going to be really horrible for him (and DS and DD) and I"m going to be feeling guilty the whole time and not fully enjoying myself.

He probably is teething, but his sleep has always, always been rubbish.

I think there have been some signs recently that he's starting to cut back a little -- night feeds are much shorter now (maybe 45 min max) and he's also not feeding until he's completely asleep all the time now. I guess that's progress.