Anyone else Breastfeeding their newborn and toddler?

[Lion5711]

I'm tandem feeding my 2 month old and 2.5 year old and 90% of the time I'm happy with it. but I do feel a little over whelmed. My toddler only feeds when he is tired or maybe if he wakes at night. (he barely fed once every fortnight when I was pregnant but this has definatly changed!). What kind of limits does anyone put in place if they feel the same? Feeling a little lonely as no one else I know tandem feeds, and I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not but I so desperately don't want to exclude my toddler!

Not tandem feeding as my toddler self weaned at one when I was pregnant though had wanted to and thoroughly researched it,especially when a health visitor told me I would wouldn't be able to as my milk would turn to water (!) but wanted to say v v well done you.You are doing an amazing job and should be proud.Just having two with such a small age gap is tough indeed so it would inevitably be overwhelming regardless of nursing them.I have 'Adventures in Tandem Feeding 'book which I would happily send you if you fancy some encouragement.Just pm me.Again,you are ace.

Not currently, but I did do it for a while with my two. DS1 was 2.3y when DS2 was born and I fed them both for over a year. I found it was really great for DS1 to still feel included and important and there was never any jealousy shown to his baby brother. DS1 eventually self weaned when he was about 3.5 and DS2 has just stopped at about the same age.

I didn't put any limits in place. Initially DS1 fed more frequently. I don't know if this was through insecurity or just the abundance of milk. It eventually settled down to his usual bedtime/morning feeds, although there was a brief spell he was wanted milk in the night.

There's a really great book called 'Adventures in Tandem Feeding' which you might find a good read. It may seem you're alone in feeding two, but I found it was actually more common than I thought.

Sorry, just noticed starlight has already mentioned the book!. I second her recommendation.

I tandem fed for two and a half years- like you it was a bit overwhelming at times- especially when they were both latched on together. I think that's quite a natural feeling. I did try to focus on my newborn and would set up my toddler with an activity while I fed my baby, using my knees or cushion to hide the activity from obvious view.

I did, but with strict limits - elder child only fed in the morning, and had milk in a cup at night. And I almost never had them both latched at once - too much.
I had SO SO SO much milk it was ridiculous.

I tandem fed dd1 and dd2, dd1 was 2.1 when dd2 was born and self weaned just over 6 months later, you aren't alone. I was lucky in having a very supportive friend but did it for similar reasons to you of not wanting eldest to feel pushed out. We got a rhythm going and it did get easier as time went on

I tandem fed for 18 months - DS was 2.3 when DD was born and finally weaned (not quite self-weaned, I gave a tiny little push) when he was 3.8. I did find the early days hard - everything I'd read said just to continue to feed bigger one on demand, but in practice this meant he literally gorged on the lovely newborn milk. He had been down to just morning and bedtime but went to wanting it all the time and refusing all food, he didn't eat any solids for a whole month (but put on loads of weight because of the fatty milk!). At about 6 weeks I put my foot down and restricted him again to morning and evenings which didn't go down particularly well though it all settled down within about three days. And actually he dropped the morning feed almost immediately of his own accord.

I too couldn't stand having them both latched on at once, I've never felt such a strong negative physical reaction. I hated it which in turn upset me, because I love breastfeeding usually.

As things settled down I found I wore DD in a stretchy wrap for most of the day and became very adept at feeding her in that, I think it helped because then DS didn't see what was going on.

Definitely get hold of a copy of Adventures in Tandem Nursing (I have a copy I'll happily lend to anyone too).

I'm tandem feeding my 10mo and 3.2yo so not exactly where you are now but was very recently. My older DS found his younger brother's arrival difficult to cope with and wanted to feed ALL THE TIME for a while, which I did find very draining, but it passes so quickly.

DS1 currently has 1-2 very quick feeds a day, if that. Fairly often he'll have a day with no feeds at all, but I don't think he's quite ready to stop yet.

My goodness thank you all for your support and advice! It's really helped in a difficult week-mix of tired over excited chocolate gorging toddler, and chocolate gorging fed up mother!! I guess it's s huge change with having a baby, and at the mo it's only 2 feeds, but with shingles and nipple thrush I'm feeling a bit ragged! I love Breastfeeding and it's great to hear others experiences and to know I'm not alone! Starlight I will pm as I would love to buy it off you!thamks all

Reading with interest as I've stopped breastfeeding ds1 but with only 3 months to go before dc2 arrives. He hasn't stopped asking yet and when the new one arrives I may resume feeding him if he still wants to, as I don't want him to feel jealous.

chocolate- many toddlers do- and often if permitted won't even try! They just want to know that they wre welcome to feed if they wish to which can be all the security they need.
Losing the ability to breastfeed happens quite profoundly- your son may have already forgotten how to suckle.

atthestrokeoftwelve do you know how long it takes them to forget? I have refused all feeds for a month now, another 2 months to go before baby 2 arrives. Is three months long enough? I feel so sad about him forgetting but I also kind of hope he does, as he was always boob obsessed and not that keen on food, and I don't see how feeding him can work with a newborn as well. Newborns feed all the time. Much respect to those of you tandem feeding

chocolate- no hard and fast rules like anything to do with breastfeeding- but I would suggest that the age of the child would be a factor too.
Certainly the longer the time between stopping breastfeeding and trying to resume again is a factor too.

My own children self weaned so were a little older than if I had stopped them earlier.
My kids "forgot" how to breastfeed quite suddenly, within a few days. They did try a couple of times and were quite bemused themselves that they had forgotten how to suckle- so happened quite abruptly for us.

Wow, just a few days. They must have been really ready to stop. I like to hear happy self weaning stories.

Yes they were ready- I certainly was too!!!!- With 7 years of continuous breastfeeding including 2 and a half years of tandem feeding I was very happy to see it finished!!!

I'm tandem feeding and finding it fine. dd1 is 21 months, dd2 is 4 months so similar to you. dd1 feeds up to twice a day morning and mid pm, dd2 obviously more.

it was a bit busy at first with dd1 asking a lot but now she has settled back down to normal, generally both when she wakes up and I always prioritise her then as she is clingy on waking.

she doesn't really see me feeding dd2 and ask. other times if she wants to feed I mostly let her but occasionally put her off - esp if I know she really means she is hungry.

one thing I do it often put her on the used boob if dd2 needs a feed soon so she gets the fullest one. (only ever feed on one side here).

and I rarely feed both together as it is too much hard work getting everyone straight. I just plan it so their needs rarely coincide just like the rest of having two.

hope that is some use!

Thank you all for support and advice I think I really needed it, feeling a little isolated at times! Will do lots of reading up but personal experiences are great to hear. I usually feed toddler on emptiest side but due to thrush have been getting him to feed off that side as I can tell him to be really gentle. And the other side I have shingles so I'm feeling wonderful as you can imagine!

Gosh Lion that sounds tough. Things can only get better! Hope they do very soon.

So glad to find this thread and I hope people will still post as I'm wanting some advice and suggestions myself.

How are things going, lion?

My son is 5 days old and my daughter is just over 2 years. I'm attempting to tandem and it's going ok but I do have a few issues; mostly getting the timings right, particularly at bedtime and my daughter's increased interest in the breast and jealousy resulting in a few strops. Otherwise she adores her little brother. Any tips for the early days of coping with this interloper?

I also can't stand having one on each boob-have tried it a few times and it just feels wrong

We've encouraged involvement with nappy changes, cuddles, his first and only bath, etc. She's not yet ready to do an activity alone whilst I feed.

My husband thinks we should be quickly encouraging her back to her old routine but I think we should allow her to feed more as long as it fits in around the baby. She would naturally use feeding as a means of feeling secure and coping with change so why should this be any different?

Reading this with interest as I'm due in feb and still feeding DS1 who is 21 months. I'm really nervous/anxious.

DS feeds early morning when he wakes bed time and asks for nap time too. It's the only way except being out in the buggy that will get him to nap. If I'm not around or having to go to work then DS would manage fine without a morning feed and same thing if I went out for a night out etc.

I'm nervous. I would like DS to still have the occasion feed and don't mind morning and night but not sure how to limit it to just that :/

Hi timpani, that's basically what my daughter was like prior to her brother arriving. She gets quite upset when he feeds and doesn't quite get solace from the idea of taking turns. My son is only 6 days old though so it's early says yet.

Kitty, I'll be honest - Cbeebies was on a lot in our house in the early days. I tried the often suggestion box of special toys and magazines etc only brought out during feeds (if you haven't tried this yet it might be an idea?) but DS1 can be remarkably persistent when he wants to feed and only the highest value treat (TV!) could distract him.

I too hate the sensation of feeding both simultaneously. In fact if I'm honest I don't really like the feeling of DS1 feeding very much at all these days. In late pg/early nb stages I had a strong aversion (common!) which I had to persevere through.

the often suggested box, even

Oh womna, I had that too. From my middle trimester onwards It made me very sad. It seems to have gone now thankfully but there's a slight odd sensation left sometimes.

We don't have telly here, well we have a telly and a few DVDs but it's not really a huge thing, it doesn't capture her attention for long. Like your son, there's not much better than the draw of the boob.

I'll give the special box some thought but the problem with that is she's just had a birthday and Christmas and people are bringing her 'big sister' presents so there are loads of new toys and books around.... hmmm, thinks.....

Thank you for your suggestions though. It's just great to be in contact with others who are doing this. I'm trying to find others in my area but haven't yet.

She's done very well over the last few days with regards to taking turns and waiting but there's still a lot if work to do. She tries to suckle from the very breast he'd on She leads over him and makes slurping noises!

Have you got a La Leche League group locally? All the tandemers I know I met there and they're very supportive.