Feeling a bit upset about comment from my mother

[ShitOnAStick]

I have limited contact with my toxic mother. I never see her but speak to her on the phone from time to time. Lately she sent the dc some stuff in the post so I called to say thank you. She asked about ds2's sleep (he's been a poor sleeper since birth) and I mentioned he had improved loads recently but still had a couple of night feeds. She told me in a disgusted tone that he was too old to breastfeed and that I should stop, she also said I was preventing him getting his own immune system as he was relying on my antibodies (wtf!).

DS is 21 months, has always been a very demanding child, he wants constant attention and has about six to ten feeds per 24hrs. There is no way I could stop without it being very traumatic for him, he's just nowhere near ready.
I don't know why it's upset me so much , it may be because I "failed" to breastfeed ds1 and she ranted on and on at me about how breast is best etc.
She also tells me ds2 is "odd" for still wanting to breastfeed.
I told her he wasn't too old and it was none of her business but I still feel sad.

She's wrong, you're right. Difficult with a toxic influence but you're doing the right thing by your child.

Ignore, ignore, ignore (as best you can)!

You know she's just talking bullocks, you know you don't need justification. You know you are right.

Hope that's your lot from that area for Xmas. Try to forget it and move on. x

I know! I'm usually pretty good at ignoring. I spent most of my life trying to please her but I will never ever be good enough. I think it's upset me because my sisters in law (who are lovely) can do no wrong on her eyes but her own daughters can do no right. She praised sil for breastfeeding in to toddlerhood yet I'm apparently wrong. She's very controlling and hates if I don't do things exactly how she thinks and her "right" way changes all the time. I gave up trying to please her a long time ago so I'm annoyed at myself for letting this bother me!

Not just toxic. Toxic and wrong. Total rubbish about the immune system but you don't need me to tell you that.

She doesn't even know the children and the conflicting advice re breast feeding each of your children is proof enough. You haven't failed either child and I'm sure you won't. You are the one who will do your best for each and respond to the surrounding situation in the best way you can.

I used to work on the 'all is well, and all is well, and all manner of things shall be well' routine when I met similar bollocks. It's the conversation version of smile and nod.

Put her toxicity out of your head and have a good Christmas.

I also think she's just saying what most people would think and that saddens me that it's seen as strange to breastfeed a 21mth old. It's not like said 21mth old really gives me a choice! He needs it so I do it, it's as simple as that.

I think I'd've told her to mind her own business and then to fuck off. And then put the phone down. And had a slug of wine and a very merry Christmas.

Does she always run you down like this?

I have heard it all from my family members for breastfeeding my toddlers. I have been told i was doing to for my own sexual gratification, I was weird etc.
In the end I stopped telling people- even my HV! The only people I would ever discuss it with were those who were supportive- including my OH and all those lovely Mums at La leche League.
You can't expect support from everyone- including close family members.

Thanks everyone! I won't be seeing her at Christmas or for the foreseeable future so I will forget it. I don't even know why I call her! I suppose I feel guilty as I don't think she can help the way she is (me and my siblings believe she has npd) so would feel too cruel cutting her out completely for something that she possibly can't help. I will put it out if my head now and have a great Christmas with DH and my lovely children! Hope you all have a great Christmas too!

Absolute rubbish and very ignorant. Breastfeeding a 21 month old is perfectly normal and he's still getting so much goodness from your milk(written while bfing 24 month old milk monster ds!)

Aw, I'm sorry you're feeling low. Well done you for sticking with your intuition and breastfeeding your DS for as long as you feel he needs it. What a lovely thing to share. For what it's worth, DD1 bfed on demand (including nightfeeds) until she was 30 months, when she was suddenly ready to stop. How very wise to be wary of your mother, it really sounds as if she knows just what to say to make you upset and doubt yourself. It is so wearing and undermining, and so hard not to let it get under your skin. There is lots of support here, both in terms of natural term breastfeeding (although it seems you're doing rather splendidly on that front; I was more thinking in terms of handling other people's reactions) and also for dealing with toxic family members. I hope you feel better soon and are able to enjoy Christmas Eve with your DCs (if that's the norm in your household, of course)

I don't discuss it with anyone at all, nobody else knows (apart from dh obviously who is fully supportive) but she will "discuss" this with other people as a way to make me seem "odd". She tries to put me down all the time. In my teens if anyone ever said anything nice about me she'd snap "you don't live with her!" and punish me for it. She's the same with all her daughters. Not so bad with my brothers.

I'm still bf my 17 mth old ds and have no plans to stop. He's always been an enthusiastic feeder and clearly still enjoys it and wants it. I'm just going with the flow.

Anyone who has an issue can get stuffed. Your mother is clearly just saying anything to get at you. Stay strong in what you believe. Good luck!

It's fine for her to think whatever she likes but nasty of her to voice the thoughts aloud and unsolicited.

I think I'm upset because her comment has reminded me that she will never be a proper mother to me and also make me think of what she's done in the past. Really really abusive childhood/teenage years. I'm going to bury it again and go down and breakfast with DH and the kids (he got up with them, lovely dh). Listen my children's laughter and smiles on their faces and know that I am not repeating her mistakes

You can choose to break free from that though.
I have overcome the need to have my mother's approval- it has taken a long time, she still tries to manipulate but I don't allow it.
My OH and children shower me with love and that's more than enough for me.

Neither my DM or DMIL understand breastfeeding at all. Ignore!!!! You are doing a fantastic job. Having to run but just to quickly say whilst our mothers are fairly reasonable and supportive they totally don't get bfing or cosleeping or anything else we do. My mother fed me on carnation milk. Carnation milk - Jesus. How I don't have heart disease I'll never know. Nod, smile and let it slip over you. XXX