Help extricate me from this BFing tangle

[AndHarry]

Please. DD is 13mo, has never had a bottle and refuses to drink milk (expressed or cow's milk) from a cup. She'll take a sip, pull the most ridiculous face and throw it on the floor. We've tried free-flow sippy cups, Doidy cups, warm milk, cold milk, nada. I really want to stop BFing.

The tangle is that we have also co-slept from birth and she feeds to sleep and wakes multiple times in the night for milk. We tried moving her into a cot in her own room and she screamed blue murder for hours every night for a week. She's back in with us

What do I do?! I have an older DS with whom BFing naturally wound down until we were finished completely by 14 months. Did I mention I really want to stop (and get my own bed back too!)?

TIA

Gosh it is a tangle. Can't help from specific experience as didn't BF my twins or co sleep.
But I reckon I'd tackle the problems separately.
At 1yo I would think she doesn't need night feeds so I'd try to get some independence and stop BF at night.
Once this sorted I'd tackle the BF in the day.
Can you increase the offering at mealtimes with a bedtime BF, story and cuddle and settle in own cot in own room with reassurances you're only in the kitchen/sitting room and not far away? Then if she wakes in night offer water and re-settle. It will probably take huge amounts of reassurance and patience but I think if you can solve that one first the rest will follow.

She may be too old and savy for this but when dd wouldn't take a bottle I'd start her on the breast and then switch quickly when she was mid-flow.

Or can someone else get her on the bottle? I think kids can be more willing to accept a non-boob from a stranger

Does she have a dummy? If it's comfort sucking (at one night feeding is presumably more habit and comfort than nutritional need) it might do the job

Or cold turkey. Hard but it may be the only way. I wouldn't stop the co sleeping at the same time tho. Night-wean first

Good luck

I wouldn't worry too much about her drinking straight milk at this age - they only need about 300ml of cow's milk a day, and you can put 100ml on a weetabix or porridge in the morning, plus cheese, yoghurt, custard etc.

Can't help- jaust wanted to add though that my kids have never drunk cows milk, formula or any dairy. I tried them but they just thought it was disgusting.

Agree that night weaning maybe good to start with....have a google of Dr Jay Gordon's night weaning method.

Will google, thanks crikey and everyone else.

I think you're right, night-weaning is the way to go as a first stop. She is too big to need feeding all night, it's just how she's learned to settle. It's not going to work if she's in bed with me though so I might suggest to DH that I sleep downstairs for a few nights while he stays in bed with DD and a beaker of water.

We really did try to get her to self-settle in her cot but she screeched as soon as we put her in and cried hysterically from there on in until we picked her up. She was being sick, pooing etc. so we couldn't just leave her. It didn't make a difference if we settled her and then put her back in, she just screamed as soon as she was in the cot. After a week of that we were shattered and we both work so we gave up.

My kids would have a little breastfeed during the night until they were around 2 year sold.

Just a thought, might she prefer a bed instead of a cot?
Perhaps bonkers but the bars might be really weird and maybe a bit scary for her if she's used to your bed?
How about a toddler bed "now you're not a baby, like DS"

at the thought of BFing til 2.

That's a good idea Twins. We have a great big loft so we can store it if not needed. I foresee a trip to Ikea.

Good! Glad to be helpful.
FYI mamas & papas have big sale on and they deliver.
Cannot even imagine how hideous a trip to ikea might be this time of year!

Definitely recommend the Dr Jay Gordon nightweaning method, we did a version of it when DS1 was about 18 months and it worked very well (he wasn't cosleeping but Dr Gordon specifically recommends it for use with cosleeping, frequently night feeding babies). I was personally happy to keep feeding in the day once we'd night weaned, it made life much easier.

Wouldn't worry about getting her to drink bottles or anything at her age (aren't bottles not recommended past a year anyway?) - DS1 just stopped drinking milk entirely once he was fully weaned, never liked cow's milk except on cereal. Once she's getting enough of the relevant nutrients (eg from yoghurt) and drinking enough water, she'll be fine.

Forget bottles. And neat milk. My two were not keen on neat cow's milk while bfding (DS1 stopped at 23 months, DS2 is still going at 19 mo), so they had milk and chocolate (Nesquick-about a teaspoon per 100mls) in a doidy cup/plastic cup from about 12 months. They then see it as something different and have it.

As for cosleeping and bfding, I feel your pain. DS2 slept with us and fed every 2 hours until last month. We have very gently been shifting him to his cot while asleep for a good few weeks and over the last 10 days we have switched to DH going to him when he wakes in the night (initially only between 1 and 4.30, then gradually stretching it to 11 until 5, now it is 10-6). So far, so good, with v little crying (we are both softies and cannot bear to hear the children cry).

He pretty swiftly started doing 3-hour stretches and over the past 10 days or so he went to 4-5 hours most nights (utter bliss), stretching to 6 recently and 8 last night. Fingers crossed... I still feed him morning and evening though and have no plans to give up.

Could you try something similar perhaps, with lots of cuddles during the day to reassure him that you still love him very much?

Btw, fed both of mine to sleep from birth until weaning (DS2 still going) and have no issues. Paediatrician whom I saw when DS1 was a newborn explained that as long as they have one sleep period during 24 hours when they fall asleep in another way, it's ok. Worked for us (and I love the snuggling at bedtime).

DS was younger (7mo) but the same and the thing that worked for us was getting DH to settle him. Tbh I was never able to settle him without feeding while we were still bf, I don't think I ever learned as bf was such a quick fix... At first!