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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Not enjoying BFing....

19 replies

Slippersocklover · 21/12/2013 09:38

My 2 week old baby has been exclusively bf since he was born, aside from some top ups of formula in the first few days which were recommended due to his birthweight. I'm lucky in that he's a good feeder, and so far we've had very few problems with the actual mechanics of bfing, he latched on straight away and had gone from 5lb 12oz to 6lb 5 by 10 days.

I feel like I'm really struggling though, he feeds 2 hourly normally which feels constant, and though DH is supportive, I feel there's no point waking him during the night to do changes etc,,as by the time I've fed and winded him, I've got to stay awake to offer the second breast anyway. DH has offered to give him expressed milk in the evening to give me a break, but it seems any time I think about expressing baby wants to feed anyway, so attempts are abandoned, and I hate the thought of spending what little time I'm not feeding expressing as well.
To top it off, we've spent the last 3 days in hospital as ds is ill with bronchiolitis, giving a mixture of bf and expressed milk via tube feed depending on how he's doing, and I'm exhausted.
There are lots of things I DO like about bfing - the health benefits for us both, the ease and convenience when it's going well, not having to bother with sterilising etc- I just feel weighed down with the responsibility of it all being down to me, though wether that's a bfing issue or to do with being a new parent generally I can't decide. Little things like being late to clinic appointments as I'm unable to get my hair dried after a shower as he's hungry again and DH hands him back make me think it would be so much easier if we were bottle feeding so DH could do it too. Ds is such a contented little boy (although I know at 2 weeks its hard to judge!) I worry that if I give formula and that changes i'll blame myself for not continuing the bf, even though I'll have no way of knowing if it would have happened anyway. I'm also resentful that bfing hasn't prevented my tiny baby from getting ill

I was adamant when pregnant that I wouldn't beat myself up about not bfing if it didn't work out, but now I'm so conflicted I'm not sure what to do. If you got to the end of this mammoth post, thankyou - I'm not sure what I'm expecting but it's helped to get it written down!

OP posts:

PacificDingbat · 21/12/2013 09:42

I didn't enjoy BFing either, but I got better at it.

You are doing great to have got this far and it is very likely to get easier the longer you keep going.

What helped my was to not think too far ahead and just aim for The Next Feed: I'll feed him the next time and then we'll see.
It also helped me kind of totally submit to the fact that I was literally going to do nothing much else in the early weeks than feed - I had to make the conscious decision that this was my priority just now (it took me to DS3 to get to that point but it made all the difference). Once you accept you are not drying your hair/hoovering the living room/making a meal from scratch things are easier .

Oh, and a sling - nice stretchy wrap sling to be hands-free at times saved me life.

PacificDingbat · 21/12/2013 09:46

Reasons to be proud - I think this should be linked to more often

lilyaldrin · 21/12/2013 09:46

Looking after a newborn is hard work, however you feed them, and formula is no guarantee that it will be easier.

However, feeding a 6 week old is much easier than feeding a 2 week old, and a 12 week old is easier than a 6 week old etc. You get more confident, they feed more efficiently. Agree with Pacific that you only need to think as far as the next feed and see how it goes.

YouAreMyRain · 21/12/2013 09:49

It's ok to formula feed. Many women do, children survive (and thrive) both ways.
You need to decide what is manageable/best for you. If going over to formula helps you to feel less stressed then your baby will benefit from you being more relaxed.

OP some posters on here are quite forceful/evangelical about breast feeding. This isn't about them, it's about you and your baby/family. It's up to you and no one should judge you either way xx

Branleuse · 21/12/2013 10:04

Maybe give yourself a limit to try and get breastfeeding properly off the ground, and then if its still not working, then go to formula. You may find you start enjoying it.

I didnt really enjoy it with my 3rd baby, but wanted to give her 6 months.

Maybe you could reassess when you get to the 4 week or 6 week mark?

loveolives · 21/12/2013 10:08

All I can say is that it really does get easier. It feels like they are feeding all the time because they are to put it simply. It's a good positive thing they are doing though, establishing and building up your supply for the long term. Don't think about next week or tomorrow. If you can persevere, this hard work WILL pay off.

Wildhorses123 · 21/12/2013 11:16

Sounds to me like you're doing brilliantly. I agree, the first weeks of breastfeeding are so hard and it can feel like that's all your doing. But it really does get easier. I'm currently breastfeeding with my third and with each child was sorely tempted to stop in the first few weeks. Like another poster said, if you do decide you want to keep going, break it down and just think about the next feed or set a milestone such as getting to 6 weeks, say. DC3 is now 3 months and', as with the others, I'm so pleased I kept going. I promise it gets easier and more enjoyable. That said, if you do decide its not for you, don't beat yourself up about it. Your baby will be fine whatever you decide!

crikeybadger · 21/12/2013 11:25

You're exhausted and overwhelmed....you've spent the last three days in hospital and having a newborn is all consuming. But it won't always be this hard. You will get out of the house with dry hair and feeds will eventually space out. As others have said, it gets easier and will get easier than formula feeding at some point.

Yes, your LO got ill, breastfeeding reduces the risks of getting respiratory illnesses, but it doesn't eliminate it, and don't forget the reduced risks of certain cancers and osteoporosis for mums too.

crikeybadger · 21/12/2013 11:28

Also, if you are struggling in the night, you may find that safe co sleeping is a godsend.

Ps I only ever change pooey nappies in the night!

Twinsplusonesurprise · 21/12/2013 11:37

It sounds SO normal and I completely understand your exhaustion and frustration. But as other posts say too it does get so much easier and quite quickly too.
My DS is 12 weeks old now and so settled, feeds so well, sleeps through from 10.30 til 7am. I nearly gave up in the early days but am now so pleased and proud I didn't. He is way easier than my twin DDs were who were formula fed.
You'll get there, things will slot into place, the nights will get easier and one day you'll wake up and it'll be morning!

Twinsplusonesurprise · 21/12/2013 11:47

Another thing I thought of, not specifically BF related though. I found that just when everything seems totally relentless, you're exhausted and fed up with this new tiny being that takes takes takes, they do something wonderful.
Wait til he starts smiling, it'll give you a new lease of life, then they start cooing and really gazing at you. It's deliciously wonderful! I can totally understand why some women say they are addicted to babies! Good luck OP

SpoonfulOfJam · 21/12/2013 15:30

I didn't enjoy it either during the very early weeks. I would cry with tiredness, frustration and sometimes pain, at night. But at 8 weeks I feel so much better about bf. My baby is stronger and feeds quicker. Length of time between feeds is increasing noticeably- has been for maybe 3 weeks. Best of all I express a feed before bed so my husband does the late evening feed so I actually feel rested by the time I need to feed baby again at two-ish. No, best of all, I've started bedtime routine. He is fast asleep by 7 so we have our evenings back. Actually, best of all, I stockpiled milk in the freezer and went out last night! I never thought it would, but it has got better and still is. It will for you- nobody can ever tell you how hard new born are until you are there. You will get through it and come out the other side a proud breastfeeding mama.

Mrswellyboot · 21/12/2013 15:35

I am not much help here but I managed it for five weeks. I am not going to beat myself up about it, it was constant! I am going to try longer the next time though.

It is really tough.

peachysnail · 21/12/2013 15:36

Although the benefits to baby's health are well proven I do think there is too much pressure these days to breast feed. I didn't particularly enjoy it either and it didn't get better until dd1 went into solids. With dd2 I mix fed, against all advice, and it worked brilliantly. I basically bottle fed her with one bf in the evening. Don't allow anyone to make you feel guilty if you do switch to formula.

Peppa33 · 21/12/2013 16:38

The choice is yours but it really does get easier each week.
I have a nine week old. For the first three weeks i couldnt put him down and he fed virtually all the time, day and night. I did all the night, dh slept through so he could give me sleep time in the day.it was hideous.
Weeks three to six he fed nearly, but not quite all the time! It was not great.
In the last three weeks it has suddenly got easier. Last night he only needed one feed between 7.30pm and 8 am!!! In the day he is going longer between feeds. Feeding is not at all painful anymore.
Just a few weeks ago i would sit at 2am and fantasise about the benefits of formula....now i dont...
But i dont think you shouldworry whatever you decide.bf is good, but being a sane mother is probably better ;)

NoisyBrain · 21/12/2013 16:51

I hated, hated, hated BFing for the first 6 weeks. In all honesty if DS had taken to a bottle better I would have switched to ff as it felt so relentless. However, we're now at 16 weeks and still going, because from about 8 weeks it got gradually easier for all the reasons mentioned above. We do give DS one bottle in the evening, now we've found one he'll drink from, but I bf the rest of the time and it's no longer a slog.

OhPuddleducks · 21/12/2013 17:42

I hated bfing for about the first six to eight weeks and then loved it until we stopped at 15 months (DDs choice). Currently bfing my seven week old and only started to enjoy it a bit yesterday. It's bloody hard work and you're doing brilliantly. Having said that, if it isn't for you, don't worry at all. You have other options (formula, mixed feeding, expressing) that might suit you better and make you happier and you should feel empowered to decide what is best for you and your baby. Like a previous poster said, don't let anyone make you feel guilty or pressured into anything.

Jackanory1978 · 21/12/2013 19:21

I was like you at the beginning but it gradually started getting easier. By 5 months he was only feeding for 5 minutes every 3-4 hours. Much more managable!

catellington · 21/12/2013 19:41

Hi op
You are in hardest bit, you may hopefully turn a corner soon and find it gets easier. Eat chocolate and watch your favourite films.
If you want to carry on, try a local support group, it should be reassuring to hear other's experiences.
My dd was low birth weight and did v v well on ebf with good weight gain, I'm not sure if is true but I heard that small babies feed more at the beginning. Might be old wives tale though.

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