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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding is starting to irritate me and make me angry. Help!!

12 replies

Cupcakemummy85 · 16/12/2013 23:10

I really hope someone can help me. I feel like a bit of an emotional wreck and a terrible mother. My dd2 is 10 months olds and breastfeeds on demand and she DEMANDS a lot. When she feeds she scratches, pinches, twists, turns, pulls, to the point I have massive scratch marks on my arms and chest.
She isn't a very good sleeper and sleep training is not an option as she screams like a banshee and I just can't take it. At night I get up and she could be sucking for as long as an hour. If I take her to my bed she is on the breast all night. I am her dummy.
I'm so upset. I thought bf this time would b so different. I have dd1 who is 2.5 and I'm too shattered to cope with normal toddler behaviour.
We try and give bottles but only 1oz is taken and the breast is demanded.
I feel like all dd sees me as is milk and dummy. My dh suggests I bf her every time she cries, which is a lot and it's exhausting me.
I feel like just throwing in the towel going cold turkey and say here's a bottle deal with it.
I'm scared of giving up as when she screams there is no real way to calm her down. She really is loud. To the point it sounds painful.
I'm sorry this is so long and a bit irratic, I just feel I'm at the end of my tether and really need advice and guidance.

OP posts:

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking · 16/12/2013 23:27

Do you get any time to yourself, OP? Asking as the point about DH suggesting you BF every time your DD cries sounds a little like he's not sure what else to do. Would he have her for an hour or two so you can get a break?

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking · 16/12/2013 23:30

And regarding the scratching/ pinching etc. - have you tried treating that as you might do if she was biting, e.g. stopping feeding until she also stops?

Parliamo · 16/12/2013 23:37

Do you want to stop? Are you asking for permission? It's ok to stop when it suits you, and you really shouldnt feel guilty. Getting to 10 months ebf is way, way more than average and something to be proud of. If you want to carry on, but not how it is working at the moment, then there are usually some posters with good ideas.

Btw - At 10 months, I wouldn't even bother with a bottle - milk in a tippee cup, especially if she eats well.

IThoughtThat · 17/12/2013 01:10

What about stopping demand feeding and just trying a morning and evening feed. Your DD may be agitated for a few days but, if she is anything like all my DCs, she will soon get used to it.

Have you tried a dummy? I only used one for my forth child, I really wished I had use done for my other kids.

I only fed my DCs a morning and night feed from about 7/8 months up to a year and then I went cold turkey. I actually wished I had done it sooner. They got used to it in a couple of days and I felt a million times better. I didn't bother with bottles at all.

Obviously my advice is just 'Mum' advice and I have NO expertise in this area. I haven't BF for years and years and I know the advice has changed over the years so please read my comments with that in mind.

Good luck. It sounds like a lot of hard work.

pookamoo · 17/12/2013 01:36

Hi OP, I know exactly how you feel, and went through this with both of my DDs.

Like most of their behaviour, it was "only a phase" and it did pass. As others have said, do you have much real life support?
Have you thought about going to a bf support group locally to you? They are there to support mums of older babies too, not just newborns. :)

Ask yourself whether you want to stop, or not, and then you can start to work out a plan of action to achieve what you really want to do.

Original poster

Cupcakemummy85 · 17/12/2013 06:45

ithoughtthat how did u move to just two feeds a day? If I could go to just two feeds a day I would b happy with that. I'm struggling with feeding her all day and all night. I want to b able to put her in her cot without feeding her but she screams and screams.
I get time to myself in the evenings. My dh does offer to take dds but it's just never convenient.
I've tried the dummy but she just won't take it. Especially when she is upset. She screams even louder if I give her a dummy.
I can't to a breastfeeding group unfortunately, we r in Spain and they don't have groups like that where we r. I do miss those groups and health visitors actually.
I'm going to try and only feed her this morning and this evening. She just doesn't know how to get to sleep without me. Dd1 was successfully sleep trained by 10 months but dd2 is so incredibly strong willed.

OP posts:

OutNumberedByBlue2 · 17/12/2013 08:04

Cupcake you're not alone! I'm having similar problems with ds2 who is very nearly 9 months. A total bottle & dummy refuser. He was just starting to settle down at night (only 1 or 2 10 mine feeds!) then got the mother of all colds & a chest infection & has once again been hanging off my boob all night since. I'm bloody exhausted.

I wish I had the answer but I just wanted you to know you aren't alone.

tiktok · 17/12/2013 09:38

:( :( Cupcake :( :(

Gosh this is not a feeding 'thing' but a behaviour thing. It sounds to me that your little dd is frantically demanding you because she is aware how much she needs you and how fragile your feelings of unconditional availability are....10 mths is in the window of separation anxiety, and easily old enough to be aware of resentments and irritations. 10 mth olds have no 'negotiating skills', they cannot wheedle, or persuade, or decide to be extra cute....all they can do it ratchet up the neediness.

What we know of emotional and psychological development shows us that accepting these needs and responding to them makes life easier - once a need is satisfied, it recedes. So one possibility would be to ditch the bottle attempts (it's not the bottle she wants, but you), to accept her need to breastfeed, to anticipate her need by distracting her in the day so she has something else instead of a bf (though bf her when she is distress of course), so she is unaware of the effect her constant pressure has on you.

Her screams are a reflection of her feelings - she cannot pretend to be upset, she is upset....but responding in the short term will allow you to work out a longer term solution which is more manageable for you.

noblegiraffe · 17/12/2013 09:47

My 10 month old feeds three times a day (although she also feeds at night). Once in the morning, once after lunch to get her to nap and then at bedtime. Her morning nap is in the sling out for a walk - you could try push chair or car seat if you don't have a sling.

In the day outside of feed times if you think she is demanding a feed, distract her. Sing, play, dance around, pack her up and take her outside, put on the TV. She doesn't need that much milk, so substituting her milk comfort for something else is fine. If you know she always demands a feed when you are sat on the sofa, then don't sit on the sofa and she might not think to.

IThoughtThat · 17/12/2013 10:54

Cupcake. I moved to feeding twice a day simply be refusing to BF them during the day. they didn't like it but all four of them got over it extremely quickly.

The advice about being busy and distracting her is really good.

Even when I stopped the day and night feeds which I did very abruptly it only took a few days for them to get used to it.

I found their feeding improved greatly once I cut out the day feeds too.
I know lots of people that BF think it is cruel to let a baby cry for breast milk but it's a personal decision. I can't say I felt guilty I just felt VERY relieved not to have a baby latched on.

I only tried a dummy with one of my DCs but it was after they were weaned.

Parliamo · 18/12/2013 14:45

I wonder if you could just stop milk cold turkey for a few days, and then reintroduce a couple of feeds. The worry would be mastitis/ supply problems. I bet it's possible though, especially if you expressed. I've never done it, but my hv was a fan of hand expressing. As you're abroad, how about getting in touch with one of the breastfeeding support groups by email? Maybe they could help you work out a way.

Also, is your DH suggesting you feed her every time because he doesn't want to deal with her crying? You might need to be assertive and ask him to step up while you try and deal with this. Fwiw, I have a similar age gap and the stage you are at I found really hard. My DH also took some time to adjust to the demands of 2...

TeWiSavesTheDay · 18/12/2013 14:51

I felt like that with DS. I stuck it out for the last few weeks until 11mths went cold turkey overnight (I stayed in bed, and DH dealt with the screaming - seemed entirely fair after 11mths of broken sleep on my part!) He started to sleep through.

The next month we stopped day feeds as well.

We were both much happier because we weren't completely shattered, I could have some badly needed time to myself (ebf a demanding bottle refusing baby is HUGELY emotionally demanding, and needing some time away from that/having a limit to how many months you can put up with it for is completely normal)

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