Worried about failing again at breastfeeding.

[whereisthewitch]

Hi, I'm currently pg with my second DC.
I had an awful time trying to feed my DD, I had a very stressful pregnancy and by the time she arrived I was exhausted. She latched on pretty well the first day or so then fed all night the second night. My nipples became cracked and so unbelievably sore no matter how much lansinoh I used.

I believe that the latch was wrong and as a result of the excruciating pain and overwhelming tiredness I decided to mix feed at 3wks and gave her a bedtime bottle of formula.
All she did for the first fortnight was feed. . Felt like 24/7 and I started topping her up with formula and eventually at week 6 I stopped because my milk was gone. In fact I'm not sure it was ever there. ..I was never full, engorged and didn't spray or ever leak.

I felt I'd failed but I was so exhausted from all the feeding I have to admit I was relieved too.

So I want to try again but so scared that

1. baby will feed 34/7 like DD and I won't have time for my toddler
2. my latch will be wrong again (I managed to correct it after a week after looking at Kelly mom) and my milk will be affected again, mw's and HVs weren't great in this dept and where I live there doesn't seem to be a huge support network
3. how can I prepare myself better?

Any advice? Did anyone go on to successfully bf their second after a bad first experience? What did you do differently?

Thanks

Hi whereis, I did. My experience with DS1 sounds similar to yours. Ruined nipples, bleeding, combination feeding and a massive struggle. I was determined to try with DS2 but promised that I wouldn't beat myself up if it didn't work and also to not struggle as much if it was hard. With a newborn and 3 year old, I figured I wouldn't be able to struggle with bf as well as everything else. So... What happened. Well, DS2 is COMPLETELY different. Took to bf right away and we are sitting here, watching Nigella feeding away 9 weeks later. It is hard with another little one, but it's doable. I think the key for me was that I relaxed. I was fully prepared to ff and I was not going to give myself a hard time. I am more chilled about it and it feels much more natural. I am lucky, I have a friend who has struggled with both, so it clearly doesn't always work, but I would advocate giving yourself a break and relaxing. Good luck

Ask your mw if she knows of a bf group. My local one wasn't lll or nct but my mw told me about it. Also put that you need extra bfinf support on your birth plan (at the end where you write about vitamin k etc. As long as you have a mw handy have them guiding you with the latch and be a squeaky wheel.

It's good that you are preparing for the next one, but remember that you already have way more experience that you did first time round. You'll know what a good latch looks like....and you've found kellymom so that is another good thing.

Many women never feel engorged or spray and leak so don't worry about not having any milk.

You talked about non stop feeding - well newborns do feed a lot in the early weeks, but if the latch wasn't effective then perhaps your baby wasn't getting enough milk at each feed so that's why they she fed a lot.

IMO, it helps to get things off to a good start- so lots of skin after birth, get a mw to help you with the first feed and perhaps know how to hand express (if you don't).

Once home, call in lots of help with the cooking, cleaning and looking after your toddler. Perhaps invest in a sling for the baby but most importantly get the latch right from the off and then feed at every squeak. The first few weeks are hard, but put in the ground work and it pays off and your milk supply will be set up for the future.

Thank you for all the advice everyone. ..duly taken on board!
I would love it to work this time mainly for convenience of it for night feeds etc
crikey I think you're right about her not getting enough because the latch was wrong, possibly why my milk didn't establish and ultimately dried up!

It's not the be all anf end all this time though, if it doesn't work I won't have any hesitation switching but I want to go in with the right attitude.

try to find a good BF specialist midwife in the hospital and ask her to check your latch but most importantly check the baby for tongue tie (this is really common - it may have been why you couldn't bf your dc1 and it runs in families - if dc2 has it it's easily snipped).

if you can't find a good midwife then try to see a good breastfeeding counsellor/lactation consultant who can help with your latch and who is qualified to spot tongue tie. unfortunately lots of gps and HVs are not able to diagnose tongue tie (though many think they are but get it wrong...)

I had trouble with DD with latch/feeding too. From day 7 I had her on formula and breastfeeding. I did stick to breastfeeding still though and breastpumped and she still takes breast at night now and pumped stuff half the day at 8 months, so am pretty proud of myself for that, I must confess but it was really, really difficult.

I doubt I could've done it without the support of my family as lame as it sounds, it's very true because they could take DD when I was pumping, whereas if it was just me and DD then that wouldn't have been possible when she was so small.

I know for a fact though stress can halt production of breastmilk and it sounds like you had a lot of stress going on at this time and understandably so. As best you can, try and see this pregnancy as a completely different experience than the previous one and equally, what happens next.

1). Will your baby feed constantly? Maybe, maybe not. Honestly, every baby is different. I know someone whose newborn fed every 4 hours, DD was around every 2 hours and then went to every hour and I even know someone who was feeding every 30 minutes. I fed very regularly for my mother apparently, but my sister fed a lot less often and we are from the same mother, so they are very different.

2). Read up on different positions as much as you can - there are many breastfeeding positions, some suit different people more than others. I'd also read up on how to do the basic latch - align the babies nose with your aerola and make sure most but not all of it is inside your babies mouth (aerola not nipple) if I remember correctly. If you are really worried, you could go to a breastfeeding counselor before the baby arrives. Also consider having extra help with your latch when your baby is born from midwife team/hv/breastfeeding counselor etc. I know people say it's easy but it isn't just easy for everyone. Chances are it was your baby struggling, not you but you will never know and it's OK, because no harm has been done. If as you say there isn't a great support network try outside your area a bit for groups/advice.

3. Preparing really is doing what you are doing now. Researching, learning and dealing with any issues you feel may arise. Just don't let it consume you.

I know it sounds easier said than done but just enjoy your pregnancy and your baby. The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed your baby is and the more of those relaxin and oxytocin hormones will flood you and your baby and you will feed blissfully.

But you are doing what you can.

I wish you the best of luck with this pregnancy and breastfeeding afterwards. :)

Check if there's a La Leche League group near you www.laleche.org.uk/. They'll be more than happy to have a pregnant woman there who's motivated to find out about bf. RL support makes a huge difference if you can manage it.

I wish I had known you can go along to LLL while pregnant - some of the advice and info I got from midwives in the early days of bf was not accurate, and I would really have appreciated knowing someone to ask for a second opinion when I was having problems.