Help me please- tongue tie, difficult latch and baby blues

[Imnotbeverley]

Hi all,

Would really appreciate some advice. My first baby (boy) is one week old today and feeding has been difficult from the start.

I have quite flat nipples and he was diagnosed as tongue tied at 4 days old. We had given a few top ups with formula and I was using nipple shields to help him latch- as he would get inconsolable with frustration and hunger (I think) We paid for the tongue tie to be fixed privately on day 5 and since then I have been trying to establish breastfeeding without the nipple shields or top ups.

Last night was very challenging, having not pooed all day Friday (?due to formula), he erupted regularly all night and wouldn't settle at all. He seemed to want to feed all night. I think we finally got some sleep at around 05.30 this morning after basically constant feeding and nappy changes all night. (I hadn't needed to give any top ups since thurs.)

My partner eventually gave him a bottle at 10am this morning, and my mum came round so we were able to get some sleep. He sleeps in his Moses basket in the day but doesn't want to be put down at night. I've managed to breastfeeding him this afternoon and evening and he's currently asleep in his Moses basket. I'm really worried he will wake up hungry again any minute (only just gone down).

Have I ruined my chances of breastfeeding by topping up/using nipple shields? I'm worried he isn't getting enough from me as his latch is still tricky to get right and he's maybe not sucking well enough?

I am also very very hormonal today. I feel guilty that we have had his tongue snipped and then he's ended up having a bottle anyway. I am full of trepidation about what the night will bring and I am very lacking in confidence about whether I am doing well by him. My partner is very supportive. I don't know if all these hormones are making me worry unnecessarily and everything is actually fine?

Hello, congratulations on your beautiful boy!
So sorry to hear you've got off to a tricky start, but please don't give up! You haven't ruined it at all.
Dd3 had a tongue tie too and was just as your little boy - sleeping nicely in the day but feeding ALL night. I got her tt sniped and gave her ff top ups for about a week. I got some good advice from a bf helpline - nct or maybe laleche. I fed her for a max of 40 mins and switched sides every 10 mins to encourage let downs. Afterwards I offered a couple oz of ff, sometimes more if she was still in satisfied. I expressed as much as possible and took loads of fenugreek to stimulate milk supply. I also ended up co-sleeping for about 6 weeks so she could suckle and i could doze. Honestly I only did the expressing and ff top ups for about a week but it felt like a long time. The helpline lady did say that bottles encourage them to suck even when they're not hungry so its easy to worry that they didn't get much from you which may well not be the case. She did say you could try giving a bit of formula before a feed so he fills up from you and keeps sucking to stimulate supply.
I cried quite a bit about it but dd is turning 1 on wed and we're still happily bfing.
You haven't ruined it all, it may take a little time and effort to get back on track but please never beat yourself up about it (even if you decide ff is a better option for you).
Best of luck.

Congratulations I have no exp of tt but didn't want to read and run. I just wanted to say hang in there. I think it took me till 6 wks before I felt confident and it wasn't sore etc and that was with no issues. It takes a while but it is so much easier in the long run. Please, please phone a helpline or your MW or the hosp you gave birth in. We got so much good advice from a lactation consultant via the hosp. The support lines are great too. I know it's hard to just survive through the day at this stage but can you get to a bfing support group? They will be so welcoming and supportive. I really found someone taking a peek and just changing my position a teeny bit helped massively. Keep going - you're doing great

hi op. congrats on your new baby

DC2 had tongue tie, released at 10 days, his latch was uncomfortable, but improved on release.

Now your baby's tt is released, I think it's prob a good idea to solely bf (if bf-ing is what you want to choose) him until he really gets the hang of it. try not to worry about top ups, and getting enough - if he's feeding that much i'm sure he will be getting enough. To get milk out of a bottle a baby has to suck a lot harder so it can make their action stronger which can give you sore nipples.

also, don't feel guilty about having his TT released! it is not just about feeding, it can have implications for speech, digestion, (kissing?) etc and i'm sure he will tank you for it.

totally normal to feel weepy and shitty at this point. you're probably utterly exhausted, you're body's still recovering from the birth, you're also making milk which takes more energy out of you. get lots of rest, feed as much as he needs, but just lie down with him and doze. get your OH to sit next to you and keep an eye if you're worried about falling asleep and rolling over etc. It'll get better, quite quickly.

• thank! not tank

I have 2 DSs - both of whom have/had tongue tie. DS1 wasn't picked up at all & even now no-one's formally diagnosed it... but I know it's there! His feeding was uncomfortable & he ended up not gaining weight, being referred to the paediatrician & having high energy formula. He's now a perfectly healthy 2yo who's speech is clear & more advanced than some of his peers. Other than being very skinny for his first year he doesn't seem to have suffered from it at all. I breastfed him for 8 months, although he was also getting formula top-ups & solids from 4 months.

DS2 seemed fine initially & I was so pleased everything was going well... until 6 weeks when the uncomfortable feeding became really rather painful & his previously good weight gain started tailing off. I went completely obsessively OTT & demanded referrals, looked into fancy private experts & learnt pretty much everything the internet has to say about TT! The first lady we saw insisted there was no tie & it was just a latch problem. I pushed for a second opinion & she agreed there was a small tie & snipped it. Looong story, not much shorter... DS2 is now 6 months, feeding is still uncomfortable most of the time but he has between 2 & 4 feeds from me each day & 1-2 formula top ups. He looks positively enormous compared to his brother at that age he's actually perfectly healthy. I suspect there's still a bit of a tie, hence why it's still painful, but by the time we'd got it cut & realised it still hadn't completely resolved it was too late to do anything on the NHS & we couldn't really afford the fancy specialist.

I totally understand how something like this can become an obsession & you start to feel like your baby is doomed because they've got a too-tight frenulum. You haven't ruined feeding. It takes a while to get used to, tie or not. Try to relax & just go with the flow. You being tense while trying to feed isn't going to help. Right now you need to be doing whatever necessary to stay sane. Maybe that'll involve more formula than you'd ideally like but if you give one formula feed, chances are you'll be so engorged by the next feed that you'll be desperate to feed him yourself & your let down will be sufficient that he won't need to suckle too much anyway! I find that DS2 feeds better if he does have a bottle every day - I think it's less squishable so he remembers to keep his mouth more open at other feeds too!

Look after yourself. Let your partner feed him a bottle if you're feeling too anxious/stressed to breastfeed. It'll buy you a little time to calm down & you'll be more ready to feed next time. You are doing well by him. You're fighting for him & doing everything you can to give him the best possible start. I know it's hard/scary/confusing & upsetting but it will get better. It will. I found that repeating the mantra "this, too, shall pass" got me through some of the more difficult moments. One day he'll be all grown up with a newborn of his own & ringing you at 5am begging you to come round so they can get some sleep! It's just the new-baby fog that makes everything seem a million times worse than it actually is. This time next year you'll have a perfectly healthy 1yo, no matter how you feed him in the meantime!

Welcome to parenthood! You're doing fine!

Thank you all for the encouragement and advice. It really is heartening to be told I am doing okay!

So far tonight has been manageable... My partner have him a bottle and I went to bed and got 2 and a half hours until 02.30. Since then I have breastfed my baby and dozed a bit in between feeds.

He is still waking up way before the ideal 3 hour period- but from what I read this could just be cluster feeding? I am trying not to worry that it's actually him not getting enough from me as what I read suggests that this is common for his age? He is pooing and weeing plenty,and not upset with desperate hunger. Is it sensible to use that as a guide to him being well fed?

Thank you thank you thank you again

If he is producing plenty of wet and dirty nappies and content between feeds (even if the interval is short!) he sounds great to me. How is his weight?

Don't worry that he won't go three hours between feeds. He's tiny and it's completely normal for him not to go that long between feeds. As you say it sounds like he's cluster feeding at night- again very normal. Good in fact. He's feeding lots because he's a tiny baby and has a tiny stomach so needs to eat frequently. He is NOT feeding lots because there's a problem, and certainly not because you snipped his TT. As long as his nappies and weight are good, don't worry.

It is exhausting though so rest whenever possible, co-sleep if convenient and let other people do everything that doesn't involve feeding! It's tough but gets better quickly.

And congratulations

Hi, not going into my back story again as I think i've bored everyone with it 3 times now, but you can probably see my previous threads in this section if you want to read them, just drop the festive part of nn! Short version, been where you are, TT, sorted privately, still difficulties latching, used shields (better). Eventually back on boob at 4 wks after expressing & ff top ups. Long journey but sooooo worth it. Cue massive cluster feeds, knackered mummy, this section helped me no end! Just be led by your baby, set aside time to feed & enjoy your LO. My ds suddenly decided at 10 wks, totally out of the blue that he didn't need shields any more eithereither! Congratulations!

I'm not sure of his weight, there is a clinic tomorrow so I will take him and see.

He lost less than 10% of his birth weight- went from 7lb 7oz to 7lb 3oz on day 3. On day 5 he was still 7lb 3oz but the midwife said not to worry, he could have lost more in between and be gaining again if you see what I mean? She wouldn't have weighed him if I wasn't keen to know as she didn't want to affect my confidence and said not to worry as he's still not lost more than the 10%

He stopped cluster feeding at about half 8 and I had a lovely snooze with him cuddled up to me for 2 hours. The health visitor scared me a bit over the risks of SIDS if I co sleep but I find it is the only way he will sleep sometimes, and I enjoy that time with him. Neither of us smokes and we aren't drinking currently.

His weight sounds great so far - you're doing really well.

Don't let the health visitor panic you about co-sleeping. It's not the work of the devil! The Isis website (www.isisonline.org.uk) is good for info on safe co-sleeping (and other sleep stuff) if you're at all concerned

Thank you

Am quite nervous about getting him weighed tomorrow. Am trying to just go with the flow today though and not stress about what I should or shouldn't be doing. He seems pretty content today and I've enjoyed watching tv curled up with him feeding or sleeping.

The boy sure can poo though...

Still using the nipple shields though- I want to establish my milk supply, so thinking that a one thing at a time approach is okay in this respect?

It's nerve wracking isn't it that early weighing, especially when breastfeeding hasn't been completely straightforward. DS had TT and lost 12% by day 5- I was so scared about weighing on day 7 because the midwife was threatening hospital but he'd gained 5oz in 2 days. I've never been so relieved! If he's pooing lots that's a really good sign though- if lots is coming out then lots of milk going in! Chances are he's fine.

Can't advise on nipple shields I'm afraid as I've never used them. But sorting things one by one sounds sensible- if he's gaining well tomorrow then hopefully that'll reassure you about the feeding and you can tackle the nipple shields.

Good luck!

Good amounts of poo (and colour change) and wee is an excellent sign. When I struggled to bf dd1 and was failing her nappies were not what you'd expect. And some contented time between feeds is ace. Sounds like you're doing really well - early days can be so tough but get so much easier.
Try not to stress about a bit of co-sleeping - follow the safe guidelines.